Everything's getting to me!

[mom03]

Why do I feel like bawling like a baby every moment of the day in the past 2 days? I know the hormaones are raging but I think I'm actually feeling depressed - pre-birth depression? I've just entered my 33rd week today. Baby has been kicking or moving a lot and I mean A LOT the past few days. People say that's a good thing. It means he's healthy. But it's up to the point that I feel uncomfortable and in pain at times. But if he doesn't move, I worry too and if he moves too much, I feel uncomfortable (and also sometimes worry if he's in distress or what for moving so much?). As most of you can guess, this is my first pregnancy (and might just be my last at the rate things are going). Everything's like a big question to me. And when I was crying my eyes out last night, it just baffled my DH. He was trying to find out what I was feeling I guess...and asked me THE question that I could never answer..."what's wrong?" And all I could do was cry even louder. Everything's wrong. Nothing's wrong. I DON'T KNOW. Why asked me that question? I tried calling my best friend down in Mississippi just now to talk but couldn't get a hold of her (I'm probably the only one who doesn't have a life right now). And my 2 closest friend here are moving west (one has already moved and the other one is in the process of moving). I feel happy for them but at the same time feel so sad because I feel like I'm losing my friends and feel so alone at times. I'm currently not working and am thinking of being a SAHM if finances permit. That means more seclusion? Don't get me wrong. If I have a choice, I would definitely want to stay at home with the baby and our 3 dogs - all my babies:) But I feel so cut off from the rest of the world sometimes. Don't you feel it's much harder to make close friends the older we get? Maybe it's just me. I don't have any family here. Most of them are halfway across the world. And my mom who was plannig to visit us in June MIGHT just postpone her trip right now due to SARS. And she wants me to decide when she should postpone the trip to (her ticket is valid until March 2004) and I don't know when. WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION? I want her to come but I wouldn't want her to come in the next 2 yrs if SARS is still a threat. Not only is it a possibility that she may expose herself to this disease on her flight here, it is a possibility that she may expose the disease to baby too. SIGH.....decisions..decisons. DH's family are great but live in another state (7 hrs drive away). It looks like it'll just be me and DH when baby arrives. Who's going to watch the dogs when we're in the hospital (which is like 40 minutes away)? We never leave them with a sitter before (I guess it's time to look for one). The kennels are out of the question. The oldest girl will never forgive us. Haven't finished shopping for baby yet. I feel so tired and exhausted to even continue after months of diligently researching all the necessary items for baby but not all the purchases have been done yet. I have yet to purchase anything for myself such as bras, pads etc. I called the lactation consultant at the place where we took the childbirth classes and she recommended purchasing bras in my 9th month. So I told DH I'm not going to worry about it (since I always worry a lot and too much too many times) and that if the baby decided to come earlier, I'll just get something from the hospital if necessary at that time. Of course both of us don't know if the hospital has anything, and DH is the one who always say I have to relax and don't worry so much suddenly decided to say to me that the hospital might not have anything and might expect us to get our necessary items somewhere else. So now he's making me anxious and worried and I feel like I have to make a decision whether to get these things, where and when...which all depends on when the baby comes (I do want to get them before the baby arrives) which is basically unpredictable. And when I told DH he's making me worried by saying things like that because I feel like I have to make a decision now, his response was "what's the big deal?" in reference to the bra. And I just lost it...and told him the big deal was if I'm leaking after giving birth (which I don't even know at this point what the situation would be like), I don't want to have to scotchtape breast pads onto my breasts to keep myself from looking wet on our way home:) Now that I think back, it seems pretty funny but I was so exasperated at his response at that time. The room is not really ready yet...We still have windows to fix up or may just replace the windows...more expenses! We would definitely have to replace our roof this year before the next winter...more debts! Isn't anything free (in dreamland)? Sometimes, I actually wonder why did we get pregnant now? Am I going to be a horrible mom? Recently, I was pretty short-tempered with my oldest dog. I think the only word she heard from my mouth the past 2 days was "NO." She seems to want to bark at every little noise she hears or every thing or every one she sees through our living room window even if they are so far away (she's very protective) and that gets the 2 younger dogs all riled up as well and I really think baby can hear them because everytime the dogs bark, the baby seems to kick even harder! Will I be able to get through this stage or the next 2 years? Now I feel like crying again.

I think I'll better stop. Thanks for letting me vent.
Chris

[brubeck]

It's okay! You're entitled to vent! I vented last night in my mind and it prevented me from going to sleep for 3 hours. I think I prefer your method.

FYI, in both of my pregnancies I had a 24 hour period where the baby seemed to be moving CONSTANTLY and it was getting tiring and painful. Then it suddenly stopped. In both cases at my next doctor visit I was told my baby had turned. I am convinced that this period of activity was when the baby was turning around. This may also be the case for you.

I agree it's harder to make friends now that I'm tied down with kids. I try to make friends at the children's classes but it's hard to chat with people when you're constantly running after a toddler! That's one of the things that makes this board so nice.

Get a box of breast pads now, and buy nursing bras at a department store with a generous return policy. Get the size you are now and one cup size up. After the birth you can see what cup size you are and return the one that doesn't fit.

And don't worry about leaking in the hospital. It is the hospital's gown and THEY launder it. So who cares? And trust me, you will be so happy to be producing that you won't care you're leaking.

Realistically though, the leakage isn't that much in the beginning. The real problem is that colostrum is yellow and can stain. But again, these are hospital gowns, so who cares?

Anyhow, RELAX! Take a deep breath. And vent some more if you need to. We all understand the stress you're going through.

[Momof3Labs]

Chris,

I just have a minute or two, but wanted to solve your nursing bra problem for you - just buy a Bravado bra now. Go to www.breakoutbras.com and order one there in your current size (or go up one cup size). The sizing encompasses several band and cup sizes, so you don't need to know your post-baby size exactly. Then you can get more nursing bras after the baby comes. These bras are a little pricey ($28=30 each), but I hope that the peace of mind will be worthwhile to you. You don't need more stress right now.

Hang in there - believe it or not, it will all be worth it in the end! And you'll probaby forget most or all of this and do it all over again (really!!)!

[candybomiller]

I know exactly what you mean by feeling secluded. I'm a stay at home mom and all of my friends from college have moved away. My mom was killed a couple of months ago and all of our families live states away. I've taken a lot of solace in the online friends I've found. (G-d, what a dork I am!) I know that there's nothing like having REAL-LIFE friends, but online is a good, fairly close second.

What part of the country are you in? Maybe someone from here is near you and you can make a new friend. (Now I feel like a kindergarten teacher! OY)

Sorry I can't be more help. It does get better, though in my case it only got better after my ob started me on anti-depressants. Whatever you're feeling, if you want to, share. Especially here. You don't have to worry that people here are going to judge you or call CPS. :) We've all been there, even if some of us don't remember it!

Candy
Mom to Matt, 5/22/02

[mamahill]

First of all, hormones are part of the package, so you're entitled to vent, cry, pout, etc! And our poor husbands have to stand by and try to figure out why we're crying about an empty tube of toothpaste (personal experience).

About the bras, I agree on getting one now, just to have, and worrying about the rest later. Get yourself some breastpads, but don't worry too much. After your milk comes in, you can go back and get more of both (if you want to get out without baby), or send your DH. 4 days postpartum I was at Target buying nursing bras and I saw one of the guys from our childbirth class perusing the bras, on his cellphone, making sure he was getting right size:).

I know things can get a little overwhelming here at "the end." You begin having tons of doubts, fears, etc. My friend is due in June and I received a similar email from her yesterday, basically saying, "What have we done?! I can't be a mother. He can't be a father. Our lives are going to drastically change and we're going to be miserable, all of us!" So see, you're not alone. Everyone worries. And look at how many happy parents and good children are out there.

I think I'd be more worried about you if you thought this whole thing was cake and that having a baby wasn't anything more than a small blip on the radar screen of life.

I know it's easy for me to say "Don't worry!" but just know that you have a community of mothers who have been there, are going through it with you, or are about to, who are willing and happy to lend you any support you may need. And in a couple months here, you'll be laughing at the thought of duct-taping pads to your chest. :)

[mom03]

Thanks so much for listening (reading)and for all your responses:) I'm currently crying like the biggest baby on earth again! I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this!

Thanks again!
Chris

p/s: I live in Ohio, about 45 minutes from downtown Cleveland.

[MartiesMom2B]

Hang in there Chris! It'll be over soon, and believe me after the baby comes all the pain goes away, plus if you are breastfeeding you have all of the nice relaxing hormones to look forward too.

I'm a big worrier and a planner. Everything has to be in place for me and planned out for things to go smoothly, and if they are not in place I stayed up thinking about them. Martie came earlier than I expected and not everything was done in time, barely cleaned the house like I wanted before my parents came.

Get one bra now and some nursing pads. I got an Elita crossover bra for around $12.00 at sierrablue.com. It just comes in one band size so it has accomodated for the increase in size. I just bought a bravado too, and I love it, so I recommend that too. I had some nursing pads on hand that I got from BRU but have only recently started to leak, probably when Martie was a week old.

I know it's easy to say don't worry, but vent to us. Let us be your on-line friends. Everything will turn out fine.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[COElizabeth]

Chris,

It's going to be okay! It's normal to feel everything you're feeling right now. Just take it one day at a time. You really can get by with very little in the hospital and at home for the first few weeks. Can your ob's office tell you what your hospital provides in the way of amenities? I know some nursing clothing stores even deliver to hospitals, but I will second or third the recommendation for a Bravado. Nice and stretchy and lots of room for error in sizing - perfect for the beginning (I eventually bought two in a smaller size than the one I wore at first, but I still wear my 3 Bravados 98% of the time).

And can you ask your DH to take care of figuring out the doggie care situation? You shouldn't have to worry about that right now.

We're all here for support - you're going to make it!

Elizabeth
Mom to James
9-20-02

[mom03]

Hello everyone,

Thank you very much for all your response and support. I'm feeling a bit better today. Trying to tell myself to relax a bit and not to worry about every single thing in my life. It's kind of tough for a worrier like myself. I know (or more like hope) things will eventually work out. DH is actually very supportive. It's just that at times, I think he forgets how things (whether big or small) can affect us - very much pregnant women. Also, he's so different from me. If something's not right, he can be so patient most times and wait to go through a process to solve the problem. Me? I've got to fix it NOW! Unfortunately, that usually doesn't work out:) and I frustrate and upset myself so much when I can't fix the problem right at this moment and that in turn, upsets DH to see me like that. I'm trying to stay focus on what's really important - the baby, time with DH and the doggies. But at the same time, I really do want to get everything done (the way I want them to be done) before the baby arrives. But I've got to remind myself constantly that it won't be the end of the world either if I don't complete everything that's on my list.

Candy, I'm so sorry about your mom. My condolences. I'm glad you're feeling better though.

And thanks everyone for their bra recommendation. I'll definitely look them up.

Chris:)
Expecting a boy 6/10/03

[Jen841]

Hang in there!

I am at week 35 and I can tear up at the drop of a hat- in fact if I droppped my hat I may cry! My husband has been traveling and I cry to him at night b/c I feel like I am dealing with everything by myself.

Last night I went into the baby's room and sat in the rocker and cried. I am so excited and things are getting so real!