Latent Catholics (or any religion)...how do you raise your children?

[kijip]

So I was raised Catholic. I no longer believe in any higher power. Making me an atheist. But still, the Catholic in a person dies hard. Now that I have a child the rituals of my childhood come flooding back...with easter approaching I contemplate how/if to celebrate. It is not the baskets and candy and bunny I want but the decorated cross and the passion and the church parade and the many mass celebrations of Holy Week. The washing of feet and so on... Other holidays will revist me as well...what to do, what to do? I (in part) want my son to have the rituals I grew up with but I do not have a belief in a god. I am not going to be born again and I am not going to become a C and E celebrant. So I am resigned to be ambivalent...what have others in a similar situation done? My husband, who was raised in a C and E protestant home and who is also an atheist, does not care as much but I was raised in a deeply religious family with all the trimmings and classes and mass celebrations and no meat on Fridays etc. As such, I am naturally more conflicted than he is- he was basically raised without faith or church. Any ideas?

[flagger]

One of my good friends was raised Catholic in Poland, but is now an athiest living in Connecticut. Her daughter is now 10 (maybe 11) and she goes to church and classes with my friend's mother who also emigrated here. Her daughter is enjoying going to the classes and my friend has said if she ever wants to quit she can. Maybe you could make this arrangement with a close family member.

Now as a person of faith who does not go to church even on C & E, I still believe that though we may turn away from that in which we hold faith, that in which we hold faith NEVER turns away from us.

[starrynight]

We still celebrate C and E and talk a little bit about it.But we are just not churchgoers, we still talk about God sometimes with the kids. I don't miss it honestly, church and religion was forced on us as kids by my mom so maybe I'm more negative about it. My dad is an atheist so it was interesting in my house as a kid! We have decided to let the kids decide when they are older if they want to attend mass or not. For me the hardest part is my mom,she often gets on my case about not taking the kids to church or the fact my 2 youngest kids aren't baptised. When she visits she tries to drag us with her to mass also.

[dogmom]

I don't know, but if you find a "solution" let me know. I really enjoyed being raised Catholic. I wasn't from a very religious family, but we went to church and I went to CCD. I got all the good stuff without the guilt. Nice package. I really enjoyed the rituals and the comfort of the religion. But the church and I parted a ways back, and I really can't go back to a weekly practicing Catholic without just lying to myself and everyone else at this point in my life. I want to raise my DS with religion, I think it gives so much, but I don't know what kind of message it sends to raise a child in a religion you don't believe in. My DH was not raised in any religion, and generally has a negative view of all religions. From his point of view all they cause is trouble, wars, hatred, etc. Although I don't completely agree with him, I can see how one could come to that conclusion. Right now he thinks nothings wrong with science as a religion, and that seems like a good idea to me most of the time.

My MIL became a practicing Buddhist years ago, and I think it's great for her. But I know if I starting going to temple with her it would just be because it's not Christianity, and that doesn't seem right. I have immense respect for Judaism, but I really can't get past the "I'm really not one of the chosen people, so how can I say I am" issue. Then there is the ever popular option among many of my older friends, run the safe comfort of the Unitarian Universalist Church, nice and inoffensive.

DS is only 14 months, so I got some time. I guess part of me is holding out for Pope John Paul II to die and see where the Holy See goes after that. (Vatican III anyone?) But I realize that's a dark horse. I'm thinking of celebrating the big pagan Holidays (solistice, equinox, etc.). That way I can at least have some ritual attached to nature. I mean, hard to deny nature exists. Eggs and Christmas trees all around!

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

[JElaineB]

I've been thinking the same thing lately. I was raised Catholic but no longer practicing, nor do I have any desire to (though I did take communion at my grandmother's funeral in January - for me it was out of respect and remembrance). I don't consider myself an atheist at this point, but I am quite conflicted about it. My husband isn't religious and DS hasn't been baptized.

I guess I feel differently than you in that the Easter bunny and eggs are good enough for us right now. I don't really miss any of the Catholic rituals or going to mass. I had the major guilt-type Catholic upbringing. I just recently told my mother I was afraid to go to sleep every night for quite a while growing up because I thought the devil was going to come get me. She was surprised and wanted to know why I didn't tell her. I guess I figured she was teaching me this stuff in the first place?!

I personally am thinking about looking into going to the Unitarian Universalists, but not because they are "inoffensive" as someone mentioned. I feel my social/political philosophies are in line with theirs, and that is where I majorly digress from the Catholic church. I really don't have any major problems with the religious aspects of the Catholic church, though I don't really believe every single one of them either. Many people I think attend church as much or more for the social/community aspect than for the religous aspect. I guess I would at some point like to belong to a friendly community like a church to show DS that you don't always have to go alone in this world, like DH and I seem to be doing at the moment.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[C99]

"All of the religion/rites, none of the guilt" is how my family describes our church, which is Episcopal. My parents were lapsed Roman Catholics who went through the same thing when I was young, and they ended up joining the Episcopal church. This is the church that we will raise Nathaniel in, although I really struggle with faith and haven't found a parish closer to home yet. FWIW, I didn't find out until I was an adult that my mom is an atheist, although she went to church every week with us. I think she just came to the same conclusion I have, which is that church is just another community in which to raise your kids.

I also have a lot of respect and admiration for judaism. I never thought of the not being one of god's chosen people thing (my grandfather was Jewish, maybe that is why), but once I got the lecture on circumcision from my dad, I knew that I could not compromise on that.

[alleyoop]

We also went the Episcopal route, and it has served us well so far, also. I am a cradle Catholic disillusioned with the Catholic Church, married to a Methodist turned atheist. We struggled with this for quite a while until our son was born, when we both felt that it was important to find a community of faith that he could grow up in. We are removed from any extended family, so it is even more important to us that he knows he belongs to a community of people outside of our little family. Both of us have gotten more mature at just taking what we need from the service and the rituals and not being judgmental about what we leave behind.

The Episcopal Church has really been such a great community. The people are very accepting! They are so open and welcoming that it was a bit scary at first. I like that the prayers/rituals are close to my Catholic upbringing, but that the quilt removed. Very much the breath of fresh air I needed in my religion!

[Jacksonvol]

I p.m.ed you.

[papal]

What is a C and E????

[llcoddington]

Christmas and Easter.

Edited to add: I go to church every Sunday and I had to stop and think about what C and E meant!

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03