How do you divide deceased's belongings without fighting?

[deenass]

My MIL died unexpectedly several years ago. DH & his sister went through the house and when they found something they wanted they showed the other one. If only one wanted the item, they got it. Items that both of them wanted got put aside. When we were done going through the house we moved to the stuff they both wanted. One person picked first out of the "pile" and they took turns until everything was gone.

My MIL had "appropriated" some stuff (her jewelry mostly) between the two of them as well.

[khakismom]

That was how my grandmother did it among my mother and her 5 siblings. It was a nightmare! Lots of people's feelings were hurt and things got super ugly. It was done as a silent auction with all the money going to the estate. Then all the proceeds were divided up 6 ways. My mom protested the principle of it by not bidding on anything, even though there were momentos she was interested in and had been promised by her mother. In the end, she got a check for $1800 for her "cut". But she hated how it all went down.

Of course, there were other reasons things got ugly, but I won't get into that here. :7

[KrisM]

A few years ago, my dad made a list of all the big items in my grandfather's house. We all looked at the list and marked anything we were interested in. There was a box for 2nd choice, too. Pretty much everything was taken care of then. Then, when he died this summer, it was pretty simple for the big items. For the smaller things, we all went over (after his death) and put a Post It note with our name on anything we wanted. A few things had more than 1 name and that was worked out individually.

My grandpa was a carver. He has probably 100 carvings in his house. For these, the 3 brothers will take turns picking. So, if I want something, I have to let my dad know and let him know how badly I want it. We'll see how this works.

I think going through a lot of the stuff years ahead was easier for everyone. People were very civil.