I posted under a different username since I feel very ashamed of what I did. Over the past several months I feel like my temper has become more short and I often feel very stressed. My child is becoming more and more demanding, and I'm still struggling with the best way to deal with things and start the discipline process.

I never thought I'd ever resort to hitting or spanking, but I totally lost control and smacked my child. I felt very sad afterward, even more because it made my child cry. He had such a sad look on his face. For a few minutes he didn't even want to be near me. About 10 minutes later he seemed fine, as if it never happened. I feel so guilty, this poor little innocent child that I took my own anger out on. I went to bed last night and cried, as I was reminiscing about my child when he was a newborn. If you ever told me I would be smacking my poor baby when he got older, I would have shuddered at the mere thought. I had a pit in my stomach over it.

The sad part is that often when I've come close to losing my temper, I've often imagined smacking or hitting my child IN MY HEAD, but restrained myself since I know there is nothing positive to be gained by such a horrible action. But I lost it and feel like SH*T.

I know I need to work on myself, and on controlling my temper. I feel like I have been yelling a lot more lately, something else I said I wouldn't resort to. But I feel like I am losing it at times.
I am trying to work hard to give myself breaks, I have hired a baby sitter to give me some relief, and have asked my DH to help me out more.

I want to have another child down the road but I don't think I am cut out for motherhood, since my patience is not there the way I'd like it to be.

I feel like a horrible mother. :(

Feeling Sad