DH just blew up at me and I'm still a little shaky so please forgive any rambling/typos.
A little background: I am a SAHM. DH has a great job that gives us a nice comfy life and home. Lately, I've come to realize that DH thinks because he works outside the house, he shouldn't have any responsibilities at home. I really don't ask him to do much around here, but when I do, he usually has an attitude. However, he's really always been this way. I'm pretty sure he was raised where he didn't have to do anything around the house. Anyway, I've mostly been ignoring his attitude, especially since he still does what I ask usually, he's just grumbling as he does it.
My mom came to visit this past weekend and I had been busy all day trying to get the house ready. I didn't get it all done and I asked DH to do the dishes while I went to get her at the airport (which he did...but was still grumbling when we got home.) On Sunday, he napped on the couch almost the entire day while my mom and I took care of DS (the only exception being he got up to eat the lunch and dinner I cooked for him.) So after a long day, I was not feeling well (I am pregnant for goodness sake) so I asked DH to do the dishes. I was pretty sure I wouldn't get an attitude with my mom sitting right there but sure enough he said, "Whatever." I swear, it's like I'm married to a teenager.
Anyway, tonight I cooked and I had had an awful day dealing with DS so I asked DH to do the dishes. He didn't give me that much of an attitude but when I brought one of my dishes to the kitchen he told me to wash it and put it in the dishwasher because it wasn't HIS dish. I said that I wash his dishes all the time and he replied he washes the dishes ALL the time. I pointed out he had done them twice in the last week and one of those times was after he had slept all day and he just exploded at me. He had a glass in each hand with water in them and he started shaking them and yelling at me and I was afraid he was going to throw them at me. He told me he was sick of my sh*t and to get the F out of his sight. I was pissed and said F-you, which he said right back. And now here I am writing this.
I was actually going to post last week with the title, "Married and Lonely" because not only do we have these problems but our marriage is emotionally bankrupt. DH is what I would call an emotional void. He has no need for human contact, has no friends (but is friendly with people at work.) He doesn't really talk to me much. I've given up telling him stories and what not after too many times of getting the reaction of silence or "OK." He also does not enjoy or desire physical contact other than intercourse. He never hugs me unless I ask or initiate. It took two years of counseling to get him not to pull back when I hugged him. He doesn't like kissing. Meanwhile, I am a very physical person. I grew up being hugged constantly and I still have that need/desire for contact. We are like roommates who have sex occasionally but don't really have much of a relationship otherwise. I've tried to suggest things we could do that he would be interested in but he doesn't really have any interests. He likes to work, watch TV and sleep (and eat and have sex.) That's about it. At least he does let me lead my own life and go out with my friends and pursue my interests, although I don't really have much time for that since DS came along.
Anyway, I had really resigned myself to giving up this part of my life (romance, friendship and intimacy with a partner) because my DH is a good, decent man who gives us a nice life and is an excellent father. But after tonight, all I can think is, "I don't want to live this way and I refuse to be treated in this manner." I grew up in a home full of emotional abuse (from my dad to my mom and to me.) I refuse to take any more. But I feel trapped. I'd be lying if I didn't admit there was a financial aspect to it. My DH makes a good living. I like being a SAHM. I don't want to have to struggle and be a single mom. But I know I could do it if I had to. But like I said, DH is a great dad. My son adores him. I can't bear the thought of taking that away from DS.
ETA: We live on the East Coast where neither one of us has any family and I have few friends here. If we were to split up, I don't think it would be an option for me to move back to my home state since we would need to be nearby so DS could have a relationship with DH. So I would be up here all alone with no help. This just compounds the trapped feeling.
So what to do? I feel like we have so many problems. We could go back to counseling and work on the division of labor issue (and the screaming at me issue) but I recognize that DH is who he is and will probably never be able to give me what I need emotionally and physically. I feel like I'm at the bottom of an insurmountable peak and I don't even know where to start.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I'm open to any ideas or suggestions. This is a crappy way to feel while pregnant and I'd sure like to resovle it. Thanks!