Helping DH cope

[psophia17]

In general, DH is pretty good for noticing when things are bothering me, and steps up to help me cope. He's even gotten somewhat good at not offering suggestions and just letting me spill my guts.

However, when it's something we're both worried about, he clams up and blocks it out, while I want to talk about it over and over again. This usually means he ends up angry at me for bringing up whatever topic it is, and me upset with him for not being able to listen to my attempt to psych myself up.

With the baby's due date rapidly approaching, I'm getting nervous about L&D and VBACing, and so is DH. I'm planning and researching and getting prepared for anything, and DH is sticking his head in the sand saying fun things like "if one person asks if you want a c/s, you're saying yes, and that's final" when I tell him anything I've learned. Needless to say, it's making us both fairly miserable.

Anyhow, I guess my question is are there any sources out there that are designed to help the worried-as-heck-but-ignoring-it type cope?

[megs4413]

boy if you figure out how to change it tell me! DH just shuts down on stuff like that....can't get him to say a word. is there a doula that is going to help you in delivery or could you have a doula come and talk to you both about it? it's hard when your health is at risk....you're his life so there really isn't anything more important than that...very overwhelming for a man to be sure....good luck!

[asha]

One more DH that belongs in that league. Specially when the problem is related to me and my health/safety he just refuses to talk about it or listen to anything about it.

Sorry Petra, no advice. Just wanted to say I understand your pain.
Hope and pray for a simple and safe birth for you.

[Wife_and_mommy]

*Highly* recommend you hire a doula! She will help put both of you at ease as well as helping with the vbac. I know there is/are studies that say her presence at your birth could make the difference in a successful vbac. Hopefully Latia will chime in.

Gotta go but really it's worth making payments, etc....anything to make it happen. It'll be worth it. :)

Praying for peace for both of you.



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[BaileyBea]

Oh Petra Big ((HUG)) dealing with L&D is difficult especially when there are so many names for drugs procedures etc..

You are doing all th right things. I think the best thing to do is try to find some time to go on a "Date" w/your DH and talk about the birth and how you both visualize it going. Also talk about actions of how to react in certain situations. The most important thing is for the both of you to be on the same page.

I think he should also read a lot of the same resources you are reading. If you have a Doula meet with her and have her reassure him. Being a coach can be really hard on our Husbands. While DH found the experience wonderful it was stressful. He of course didn't talk about this till afterward. He was so glad the doula was there to support him as much as me.

I know that $ is tight and you may not be able to afford a Doula. If you could find a VBAC class or info seminar this may help him and you. Also if you have a reassuring Mid-wife and OB that will also help. Wishing you an easy, safe, and the delivery you want to experience.