What kind of relationship do you have with your DH?

[BargainMomforLuke]

During a physical with my GP, I asked her what I could do for my low libido? It's been pretty non-existent since DS was born. I thought it would pick up a few weeks ago when I stopped nursing, but it hasn't. My doctor's comment was, "What libido? You aren't supposed to have one now!" She was joking and we talked for awhile about this subject and basically both came to a conclusion that it's fairly normal to feel this way (especially since I'm a busy SAHM) and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. Her main suggestion was just spending more quality alone-time together.

DH (bless his heart) recently told me that he felt like we were best friends and roommates more so than husband and wife due to our lack of sex. I feel sad because he feels this way and I try, but it's just so not there at the moment.

I know I'm not alone out here feeling this way. Many of my girlfriends are in the same boat, and I was just wondering how you all feel.

Natalie

[jenjenfirenjen]

Alright, you don't have an option for me. My DH is not my best friend. We have our fair share of problems. We are very very different people. But at the moment, we have a good sex life and have sex nearly every day.

Sometimes I don't feel like it beforehand but once things get going, I'm always glad we did it. For us, I think it really helps us connect and be more considerate of each other in everyday life. Basically, everyone is happier.

Personally, I think sex is a very important part of marriage. I would try just making yourself initiate sex once or twice and see if that doesn't recharge your libido.

[Raidra]

Well, I would have responded to the second option (best friends/roommates, but no sex) until very recently. I just stopped taking the birth control pill - we're not TTC, I had to stop for other reasons. Suddenly I have a lot of interest in sex, possibly even more than him (he's on medication that lowers libido as a side effect). Although even with us both in the mood, it's still a struggle to make time for it.

I've found that if I pretend to be in the mood and initiate sex, before long I really am wanting it as much as my husband. :) So while it does take some effort to overcome the initial lack of interest/exhaustion/whatever, it's worth it in the end.

[Tondi G]

I voted we are best friends and the sex is lacking. It is really just lacking in frequency not in quality. Sex is good but having 2 kids, one being a 1.5 year old we are tired and sometimes sleep wins out over sex when we finally get the kids to bed and fall into bed!

For us too... I am not on any form of BC. We use condoms unless I know that we are "safe" to go unprotected. Condoms put a damper on things but we sure do enjoy it when it's safe time and we have the energy! I am pushing for a 3rd child and DH is still on the fence about it.... I think that comes into play a little too. I would be ok with an Oops... he is not ready for an oops to happen just yet! Ahh so is life

~Tondi
Mommy to Mason 7/8/01 and Aidan 5/4/05

[megs4413]

no option for me here...our sex life is OK, but i'm preggo so understandably the sex isn't amazing as we're limited by belly size...

but we're best friends and "working" on that part of things....DH is trying to "improve" in any way he can...

this is part of the problem i think for a lot of women, a man doesn't need anything from his wife to make him want to have sex with her (generally), but we need him to be meeting our emotional needs for us to even be interested. i really really highly recommend the book "sheet music". it is written from a Christian perspective so not for everyone, but has some really great points about the man's responsibility for making his wife desire him....and our responsibility for making this part of life a priority.

we all have "down" times where we're just not "in the groove"....if you guys can make it a priority, eventually it will turn around...this is all from personal experience so take it for what it is....and sorry about all the "s....why is it in a sex discussion i feel the need to use those so frequently???

[ShanaMama]

"i think for a lot of women, a man doesn't need anything from his wife to make him want to have sex with her (generally), but we need him to be meeting our emotional needs for us to even be interested. "

Excellent point. I recently heard a top sex-therapist say that for a woman, sex is all in the head. (Not that it's not enjoyable, just that there is so much emotion that comes into play, + being 'in the mood', etc.)

[kijip]

Where's the "sex is awesome, husband is not my best friend" option? Just kidding. Sort of. My husband is my husband, not my best friend. Don't get me wrong, our marriage is far more than sex and we rock each other's worlds and are pleased as punch to be together. We are a match, plain and simple. My friendships don't come with the same level of emotional or physical connection. I guess I don't really consider my spouse my friend- he is a lot more than that. And the friendship like aspects are just so much more profound within my marriage. Sorry- taking the question too literally. Most people would see us and call us best friends. So the last option fits us best.

[robinsonbn]

Can I add an option "Sex is Awesome..when we have it..and Husband is your 2nd half"

I mean he isnt my best freind but he is my other half. We can read each other like a book and well it's like we have one mind. Or as DH always says "when you put us together we are a guy who rags" He says this because I am into sports and cars (him not so much) and my favorite movies are what most people consider "guy" movies. He is into gaming and comedies over "guy" movies. But we both can be whiney and my freinds often describe him as the "prissy" one in the relationship because he does seem worse than a girl at times and it takes him longer to get ready then I do. Finally, for the 2nd part I mean our Sex life is awesome..when we have it. We can go a week or 2 sometimes 3 without and it just works for us, I think because we still are very affectionate all the time.

[JoyNChrist]

I voted best friend and great sex.

DH really is my best friend. I jokingly tell him that I should be tired of him by now (since we hang out almost constantly when he's home), but for some reason I still like having him around (lol).

Being pregnant, our sex life has slowed down some, but DH travels for work quite frequently (average of about 4 nights away from home a week), so when he's home, I take advantage of it. :P

[sdbc]

DH is my best friend, and he's still smokin' after all the years. I know I'm lucky.

I'm not sure how old your DC is, but when my DD was still breast feeding (until 15 months), it just did something hormonally to me and I couldn't bear to have sex pretty much the whole time--I had no libido AND it hurt. We almost never did it during that period. Within a couple of weeks after DD self-weaned, I was back almost to normal. BFing was totally worth it, and our relationship was strong enough to wait it out, but we did have that side effect for a while. I think it's fairly common, and I hate that the LLL folks never validate that this is something that happens to lots of women. In fact, when I brought it up at a LLL meeting, they denied that it was possible it had anything to do with BFing, even though I had found articles that said that this happened to lots of women. If you are BFing, you might be having the same problem I had, and there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I wish someone told me that. I still would have BFed for as long as DD wanted, but would have felt like I had hope--I was worried it was permanent.