I am giving serious consideration to the idea that whining is a learned/reinforced behavior and that I am doing a really good job of unconciously (SP?) encouraging DS to do this. THis is bad because whining is my #1 trigger. I do NOT tolerate it in anyone. He was 4 in October. He started whining at 3. At first, it was because he needed to feel secure so I paid more attention to him when he was anxious and he could get through that phase. Now whining is his default. You could say it was sunny and he would whine that he would get a sunburn. You name it, he whines. It is obviously worse during transitions. This week, he cried--hysterical sobbing for 20 minutes-- because I brought lollipops again when I picked him up from daycare. Of course, in the morning he whines because he doesn't want to go and at night, he whines because he doesn't want to go home.
So--do I:
1. Ignore it for a while and just walk away? What do I say when I come back? Just pretend to be happy and go for distracting or do I set limits--as in, next time, I won't bring you anything. (which does not sound right to me)
2. Pay attention immediately. If I try to get him to calm--breathing etc, he doesn't want to and he just totally triggers me so I am the one doing all the breathing.
3. Sometimes, if I can get it right in the beginning, I can say "no whining" or "if you whine, you don't get to watch a video". THat works. But not when he has already ramped himself up. I have even tried getting mad at him, but that doesn't help anybody.
4. Sometimes, the "I can't hear you, ask in a big boy voice" works, unless he is too worked up.
So--what do I need to do to keep myself calm, teach him some coping skills, and NOT teach him to whine. Because clearly, I am not doing it right. I apologize in advance to all who read this and wonder how someone so clueless could be a mom--but I cannot see my way through this one trigger point. Help--train me so I can help DS!