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  1. #1
    Clarity is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I've been here before, talking about work and childcare and about decisions to keep working or stay home but I have just kept doing what I do and left all of my balls in the air hoping they won't come crashing down upon me. I'm just having such a hard time this week and I think I just need some support - or a reality check.

    I've become increasingly unhappy with my child's daycare which is one of the better centers in our area. I'm really wondering if I'd just be unhappy with any daycare. My problems are sleep and food.

    DD doesn't nap well while she's there. If she wakes at 6:00a.m., is dropped at daycare by 8:30a.m., she may not nap until 2:00p.m. that afternoon. She's just now 10 months old - and she naps twice a day at home. I get so frustrated that they let my baby go 8 hours without a nap that I can hardly stand it. They essentially just let her go until she crashes.

    And, like many of you, I'm very careful about the food my dd eats. I give her lots of fruits and veggies, complex carbs only, organic if possible, etc. I do not want her to have sugar, processed foods, juice, added salt, etc. But, she's at a jewish community center daycare and food must be kosher which is fine, but kosher does not always equal healthy. I was very upset when without my permission, my dd was given "Fruity Magic Cereal" which was kosher for Passover but had 23 grams of sugar. And, now that she's on finger foods, they want to start feeding her from their toddler lunch tray - which includes hotdogs (kosher), juice, fruit in syrup, etc.

    These seem like little things, don't they? How come I feel ready to cry over them? I'm ready to quit my job and stay home just so my daughter can nap properly! We had to register for fall care today and I didn't want to turn in the paperwork. Dh insisted that we do so, just in case I feel differently in a few months. This really is the best center in our community and it's close to home and work. I just feel frustrated and stuck.
    big girl 6/06
    little girl 9/08

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    "I'm not stupid; I just don't stop to proofread." (PRM?)

  2. #2
    Momof3Labs is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    Those things would bother me, too! Are you sure that there aren't any other options (who determined that this was the "best" center)? A home day care, a nanny, an au pair? On the other hand, the napping thing for example is a short term issue. In another 6-8 months, that's probably when she will need a nap (even if it isn't now); would you go back to work then?

    Will they give you an option of sending your own food for her (as long as it is kosher)?
    Single mom to

    DS ("twice exceptional") - September 2002
    DS - February 2006
    DD - July 2009
    DD - July 2009

  3. #3
    Clarity is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I guess based upon recommendations made and visits I did, this center came out on top. And, I do think they provide a safe, stimulating enviroment, but I'm unhappy with the important details!

    If I decided to leave work, I think I would stay out until after our yet anticipated dc #2 is 2 or 3 years old. (Maybe 4 or 5 years total - I'd be 39 or so by that time.)

    And, they are very strict about the kosher food in the infant and toddler program. Mostly because it is housed in the building with the senior center. Unless we have a note from our pediatritian I don't believe we can continue sending in food once they are no longer eating jarred infant foods. Thanks!
    big girl 6/06
    little girl 9/08

    **********************

    "I'm not stupid; I just don't stop to proofread." (PRM?)

  4. #4
    Sillygirl's Avatar
    Sillygirl is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    Hugs! I SO know what you mean - I got my younger son into the best daycare in town and the rules and procedures drove me bonkers. He was only there four weeks before I pulled him out. Quitting work is not an option for me (that's not a bad thing, I love my job) so we've always had to be creative in getting the childcare we need.

    Are you friends with any working moms with similar aged children? We've shared a nanny with another family for almost two years now and it's one of the best parenting decisions we've made. We couldn't afford a nanny on our own but splitting the costs makes it about the same as many daycares, and gives the kids a playmate. We weren't bestest friends ever with the other family but knew each other well enough to communicate and had mostly similar parenting styles. If there's any way you can make that work for you, it can be an awesome option.
    Katie, Mom to two boys
    Retraining my dopamine circuits thanks to David Kessler, MD.
    Jonathan: Halloween 2004
    Alex: A smidge past Groundhog Day 2007

  5. #5
    sdbc Guest

    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I wouldn't like my DD being fed those items, either. We provide our DD's lunch (and probably always will, since she is vegetarian). I would talk to the pediatrician. S/he would probably be more than willing to provide you with a letter saying your daughter needs to bring food from home.

    Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

  6. #6
    Momof3Labs is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    Yeah, I'd try the note from the ped route. I'm sure that your ped won't find that menu appropriate for a 10mo either!
    Single mom to

    DS ("twice exceptional") - September 2002
    DS - February 2006
    DD - July 2009
    DD - July 2009

  7. #7
    sdbc Guest

    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I forgot to address the sleep issue in my last post:

    I don't think you will have good luck with naps in any daycare center. Our DD is in a licenced home daycare, and our DCP has done a wonderful job with that. Since there are only 5 kids, she can set up the cribs in different areas of the house, which has worked much better than I've heard of in centers. One family actually switched to our provider from a really nice center because of the nap issue. DD will go to a larger preschool soon, but at 3 yo, we just aren't as concerned with naps anymore. Different centers/set-ups can be good/bad for different age-groups. Maybe your center has a great reputation because of the curriculum for 2-5 year olds, that your baby isn't yet benefitting from.

    Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

  8. #8
    Piglet is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    LOL - ironically we keep strict kosher and we send out DS to a non-kosher daycare because I also didn't like the food/care at the Jewish Centre daycare here. For our needs, the non-Jewish daycare lets us bring DS's meals from home, since he needs the food to be strictly kosher.

    I really feel for you - daycare decisions are SO hard! We went to many many daycares before picking the one we are in right now. The JCC daycare here is also considered one of the best, but it wasn't so great when we saw it. The babies were not being held or interacted with as much as I felt they should have been. The 2-3 year olds were watching TV. The food was starchy junk (mac n cheese with a few carrot sticks for lunch). Those were HUGE turn-offs for me. Even the fact that I woudn't have to bring lunches from home or the fact that he would be learning about his own holidays couldn't sway me to the JCC.

    I don't think that "the best" is the best for everyone. It may be award winning or it may be well respected, but it might not be the daycare for YOUR DD. I would be totally POed if my DS was not napping properly - that has always been a deal breaker for me. In our daycare, the baby room lets the kids nap at their own times. They have cribs that they use anytime of the day. They rub the kids' backs and sing to them to get them to nap. They also have a nap time after lunch when the lights go off and they try to get all the babies to fit into that routine because in the older rooms that is the set nap time. I would be very frustrated if they just waited for the kdis to collapse out of exhaustion.

    I guess what I am saying is that you have options - there are great dayhomes, nannies out there. There are great daycares (even though they haven't won any awards). Why don't you try to research some other daycares now that you know what your personal deal breakers are. You can now ask better questions about the care they provide. Ask to see menus. Ask for a description of a typical day in the baby room.

    Hugs,


    Mommy to:

    DS1 07/2001
    DS2 03/2005

    DD1 05/2007

    DD2 03/2014

  9. #9
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I totally feel your pain! And I agree with the pps...maybe it's time to explore the other daycare options (whether it be a center or another arrangement).

    There are 3 viable day care centers in my town and we're on our 2nd. I HATED our first one, but many families love it. I LOVE the one we're in now, but many hate it.

    FWIW, my DD is a terrible napper at daycare too. And I believe that the teachers in her room really try. She just doesn't sleep there the way she sleeps at home. DH believes that she just loves being there so much that she wants to play all the time. :) It's taken most of a year, but I've made my peace with it...I used to feel the way you do, that I'm a terrible mommy for subjecting DD to this place where she doesn't get the sleep she needs. I still feel that way to an extent, but I see my DD growing and thriving and I just figure that she must be ok. (And I make sure I get her as much sleep as I can when I'm in control.)

    This daycare stuff is HARD. I don't think I'm cut out to be a FT SAHM, but it took me a LONG time to be ok with being away from DD all day. I'm still not 100% ok with it.

    Explore your options...find something that you can be more ok with.

    Wishing you the best!
    Jessica

  10. #10
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    Default RE: I just feel so distressed....daycare issues...long.

    I hear you. I had DS in a fabulous daycare from 6-12 mo, but then we moved to a new town, and he's now in a good center, one of the better ones I've seen, but I'm not thrilled. I definately don't want to put an infant there, though the toddler/preschool program is decent.

    I've decided to hire a baby sitter/nanny/whatever you want to call it once baby comes. As it turns out it will cost the same as having 2 in daycare in my area. I agree with the PP's recommendation of nanny-sharing. For only 1 kid, a nanny will be more expensive, but sharing is a great option. A good friend of mine does that and it has worked out great for her.


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