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  1. #11
    JustMe is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    Default RE: WWYD: Friends who don't call back?

    Thank you everyone. It has been very enlightening to hear so many different perspecives on this. I had never considered that I held others accountble to my "rules". On the other hand, it does bother me when people continually do not return phone calls (I do feel confident that it is not personal, I spent lots of years feeling that way with other people, but know I can see that its really just a style difference between me and some people), so I am not really sure where I stand...but I have lots more food for thought.


    Robyn
    lucky single mom to 20 yr old dd and 17 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Dutch Country, PA.
    Posts
    459

    Default I am one of *those*!!! :)

    I am one who never initiates calls... I am a very confident person IRL, but when it comes to the phone, I am always worried that I am intruding on someone's day when I call. I don't know if it is insecurity or not - but I always assume that person is doing something more important than talking to me, and I would absolutely *hate* for them to be inconvenienced. I am almost pathological with this. Even with family. I have to *force* myself to make calls, and I rarely scrape up the courage!

    I don't know if your friend is like me, but if she is then please know that she LOVES your calls!!! And greatly appreciates that you are the one to do them! And that your friendship could be solid.

    Maybe ask her directly about this phone issue? If someone asked me, I would be so happy to share how I feel. I would hate for someone to think bad of me or our relationship b/c of my issues with the phone...

    Regards,
    Barbie

  3. #13
    KBecks is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    USA.
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    6,679

    Default RE: WWYD: Friends who don't call back?

    I have a couple friends who are just not good at calling. I was very worried about a close friend who I had not heard from in more than 6 months, and I would leave messages for her maybe every 1.5 months. I finally left a paranoid message for her asking her forgiveness for whatever I had done wrong.

    She called about a month later to let me know all is well (and I had figured out on my own that of course, she was probably just busy, but I also worried if she had gotten run over by a truck, joined a cult, or met the man of her dreams.... ) No juicy stories as distractions, except I had known that she had gotten a new job and was still working part-time teaching Musikgarten.

    Anyway, we're good, and I have adjusted my expectations to know that we'll probably only talk twice a year now, instead of every other month. That's OK, she's a dear friend and we have a long history.

    I have another friend who is kind of on the fence, she has a lot going on in her personal life and is kind of frustrated with some aspects of her life. Same ratio of calls, I leave about 5 messages for every return call. It's frustrating, and unlike my other friend, our conversations are kind of strained, but I've known her for years and we've been very close in the past.

    I think you need to help your daughter adjust her expectations, do what you can to get together with your friend and her daughter. I'd also encourage your daughter to have a large variety of playmates. Some she will see frequently, and others she won't see as much. It's maybe simlar to if she has friends or family located in other cities, sometimes you're not able to see each other so much, but when you do see each other, its' a treat to see someone you enjoy and love.

    HTH.
    Karen
    Karen, mom to three beautiful boys, 10/2004, 7/2006 and 10/2008!
    trying to spend less time online, doh!


    *I regret choosing circumcision for my sons.*
    Our new arrival is NOT circed.

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