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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD - forgotten birthday

    I posted my annoyance about this in the b1thcing forum, but I realize I need some advice on how to handle it. My FIL forgot DD's first birthday. There was no call, email, card - nothing. I sent out a link to her one year old portraits. A few days later, FIL's wife emails back and asks what we would like them to buy for DD's birthday. I am not sure they even realize it was last week. Frankly, I am annoyed because they have nothing to do with her (only have seen her once) but I am not sure how to respond. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    IMHO, I would not do or say anything about them forgetting it. I would just pick something out that your DD wanted and let them know that they could get that. My husband's biological father has only seen DS twice in 2 years. He never calls, comes over to visit or anything. He did call this year 3 days before DS's birthday, but has never been to a party. I would just let it pass, what good would it do anyway?

  3. #3
    mapg is offline Gold level (500+ posts)
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    E-mail her back with some ideas. Try not to be mad. It's their loss. It seems this is pretty common, some people just aren't into kids and are unaware of the fact that it is really easy to hurt someone's feeling when it comes to their children. Keep in mad that as mad as you are, your husband is probably angrier-- and he's embarrassed too, this is his family. Try to let it go.
    MA

  4. #4
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    We have the same situation but it doesn't upset me. My husband's father is barely in our lives at all. I feel badly about it for my husband but I don't feel angry at his father for it. He's an old bachelor and since we don't live close by I think it's hard for him to remember all our kids' birthdays. I don't expect him to at all because we don't have that type of relationship with him. I don't expect gestures borne of nothing, you know? There's too much life to live to get bogged down by things like that. They can't be helped. Your FIL is who he is. I think it's nice they even asked you what your child would like - give them a good idea and know your child will be delighted to get an unexpected gift! Hang in there!

    Andi

    PS - Just so you know, I DO wish he loved his granddaughters because they are the most precious, sweet girls and I think he's really missing out on them. I'd love them to have a grandfather who called and cared. But I can only control what I can control, KWIM?

  5. #5
    KBecks is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    OK, first, I think you need to let go of the emotions. People are busy and birthdays get forgotten. Some people just don't get into birthdays or pay attention that well.

    I think you should give them a call and give them a short list of ideas for her birthday gift. Then I'd say something like, did you know, her birthday was last week, I thought you might have accidentally missed it. We did X and had a great time!

    Seriously, don't make a big deal of it. Try to stay positive -- they are thinking of your sweet daughter and want to give her a present. That's nice.

    I think you need to cut them some slack and then get on with life. I hope your DD had a good birthday.
    Karen, mom to three beautiful boys, 10/2004, 7/2006 and 10/2008!
    trying to spend less time online, doh!


    *I regret choosing circumcision for my sons.*
    Our new arrival is NOT circed.

  6. #6
    Corie's Avatar
    Corie is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default Here is what I did...

    Here is what I did in my situation. (My situation is different from your's.)

    My Dad forgot my husband's birthday two years in a row. The first time it
    happened, I just let it slide. The second time it happened, I *accidentally*
    forgot my step-mom's birthday.

    A few days after my step-mom's birthday, I got a phone call from my Dad.
    He told me (in no uncertain terms) that it was not acceptable for me to have
    forgotten my step-mom's birthday.

    And, I said, "Perhaps when you can remember my husband's birthday, then
    I will remember your wife's birthday."

    That shut him up pretty quickly!!
    Corie

    "A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight."
    -fortune cookie

  7. #7
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    Default RE: Here is what I did...

    Haha, yeah my situation is similar. FIL forgot my birthday too. Oh well, I think I just need to let it go because he would never call me out on forgetting anything! I like that your got your point across though!

  8. #8
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    Default Thanks everyone

    I realize I just have to let it go and get over it. I think it's just because things like this keep happening. I can't change FIL but I can change my attitude. No need to let it rain on my parade! Thanks for the advice - it really helped put things into perspective.

  9. #9
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    I think guys don't get it. My mom and MIL do the gift stuff and I do for us so since it sounds like FIL is no longer married to MIL step MIL wasn't keeping track for him. I'm still steaming that my brother never mentioned/sent anything for DS's 1st b-day. DS is his only nephew and they have the same name. Oh well.
    Margaret and
    (DS 2/06) and (DD 3/08)

  10. #10
    vonfirmath is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: WWYD - forgotten birthday

    *hands over head* Some of us just aren't great at birthdays.
    My husband is overnighting Grandma's card so it can get there ON her birthday (tomorrow)

    We bought it a week ago but then forgot to get the pictures made to go inside...

    And many years, well. Let's just say that our parents (both sets) are lucky to GET a gift, no matter if it is on their birthday or not (I am somewhat better at calling and saying Happy Birthday) It seems somewhat easier if I know what to get ahead of time. But even then... sometimes not.

    Luckily my friends and family know me and don't take it personal. I'm just not good at birthdays.

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