Gifts from DH: is that the thought that truly counts

[kozachka]

Of course, I would rather have some gift than none at all, but I really wish DH was giving it a bit more thought. We kind of had this discussion with MIL last night. She said I should not have complained about the flowers DH gave me (on occasion of arriving home with DS after a grueling 3 flights in a row). Personally, I was happy that DH was there in the airport to meet us at 11PM at night, that was all I really wanted. The fact that he brought flowers for me and a toy for DS was bonus. Just wish the flowers did not look like they would die the next day (they lasted a day and a half) and did not have cheap, ugly mesh around the bouque. And it's not like I did not comment on this particular issue before.

So with my birthday in less than two weeks, and a history of either no gifts or crappy ones from DH, I am really pondering whether it is truly the thought that counts. I always try to pick the perfect gift and spend a lot of time and thought. We've been together over 11 years so it's not like we don't know each others tastes... DH used to be so much better early on.

[MarisaSF]

Upon seeing your question, I flat out asked DH what he wanted for Father's Day. *I* am not good at picking out gifts and he is really picky. In your shoes (and in mine), I would just tell your DH what you would want for your birthday. (We've been together for 13 years too... it doesn't get easier for me to shop.)

I think it's sweet that your DH got you flowers and a gift for DS. Sorry the flowers were ugly. I think that's pretty funny actually, so sorry to giggle at your expense, Elena! :) Men, right?

[Marisa6826]

Jonathan's never really been good at gift giving. If I do want him to buy something, I have to be PAINFULLY specific.

We now have an understanding that I will just go buy whatever and tell him thank you. ;)

As for flowers, well, he used to try and bring them home once a week from the Korean bodega (kind of like a deli)around the corner from our house. He had absolutely no clue as to what kind of flowers I like or even how to choose ones that aren't half dead.

I think I may have been preggo with Sophie when he brought some home and they were 98% dead. Being full of hormones, I kind of went off the edge when I saw the mould on the stems. I promptly marched off to the store, demanded a refund, and read the guy a riot act about knowingly selling dead stuff. I was really on a roll.

Of course it turned out the guy really didn't speak English. He gave me back the money, and promptly put the flowers back in the bucket outside for sale.

I haven't gotten flowers from Jonathan since!

I say go buy yourself a present and call it even. ;)

-m

[Bean606]

After several disastrous holidays, and my ineptitude at picking out gifts DH likes also, we have started a new thing - throughout the year, we email each other ideas for gifts we might like, or I circle pages in catalogues, and each of us puts them in a file on our computer, and then we have a list of "wants" for various occasions. However, you might want to bring this up at a time when it was not close to any holiday. DH knew I was disappointed in previous gifts, but enough time had passed that it wasn't a sore topic. HTH!

[Bean606]

After several disastrous holidays, and my ineptitude at picking out gifts DH likes also, we have started a new thing - throughout the year, we email each other ideas for gifts we might like, or I circle pages in catalogues, and each of us puts them in a file on our computer, and then we have a list of "wants" for various occasions. However, you might want to bring this up at a time when it was not close to any holiday. DH knew I was disappointed in previous gifts, but enough time had passed that it wasn't a sore topic. HTH!

[kijip]

See, in my book giving me flowers that he knows I don't like or that are ugly is thoughtless. Thought implies some work and effort specific to pleasing the person. That said, some people are not good at picking things out and it is not thoughtlessness so much as ineptitude. I would give him a short list of things you would be pleased with. ;)

****Rocking out while parenting my smart little munchkin Toby. Just trying to do good in the world, a little at a time. Words to live by: it is *never* the wrong time to do the right thing :)

[kijip]

See, in my book giving me flowers that he knows I don't like or that are ugly is thoughtless. Thought implies some work and effort specific to pleasing the person. That said, some people are not good at picking things out and it is not thoughtlessness so much as ineptitude. I would give him a short list of things you would be pleased with. ;)

****Rocking out while parenting my smart little munchkin Toby. Just trying to do good in the world, a little at a time. Words to live by: it is *never* the wrong time to do the right thing :)

[bunnisa]

I can't *imagine* complaining if flowers from DH weren't the healthiest or prettiest.

For one, he'd be aware of that, and I wouldn't want to embarass him.

Secondly, I would be thankful and grateful that he took the time and thought to pick something up for me, even if it was done last-minute. Men in general do not "plan" gifts like women do.

I would know that he did not have to give me anything, and that he'd done it to please me, even if it wasn't a perfect gift. And the fact that he wants to please me is what gives me delight -- not the quality of the gift.

...blessed wife and mama to two & one due this summer!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[bunnisa]

I can't *imagine* complaining if flowers from DH weren't the healthiest or prettiest.

For one, he'd be aware of that, and I wouldn't want to embarass him.

Secondly, I would be thankful and grateful that he took the time and thought to pick something up for me, even if it was done last-minute. Men in general do not "plan" gifts like women do.

I would know that he did not have to give me anything, and that he'd done it to please me, even if it wasn't a perfect gift. And the fact that he wants to please me is what gives me delight -- not the quality of the gift.

...blessed wife and mama to two & one due this summer!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[maestramommy]

Dh is a pretty good gift giver, but when he does give flowers it can be hit or miss. I think it's simply that he can't really tell how long the flowers will last. The only reason I can tell is because my mom ALWAYS complained about stuff like that when my dad gave her flowers. So I say nothing because Dh tends to give flowers rarely and spontaneously, so it's always very romantic to me.

As for your Dh, I agree. After 11 years he either needs some guidance, or needs to get a clue. Esp. since you say he used to be better at gift giving. I would talk it over with him, give him some hints as to what you would like.

On a lighter note, I remember reading about Bill Cosby's comparison of Mothers and Fathers Day, and how his wife refused to accept a chintzy gift. "After all, it's the thought that counts. And did you think she was crazy?"