To put it mildly, I have had a very bad week. I found out on Tuesday that my grandmother, who lives quite a distance away, has recurrent cancer. It is inoperable and they are giving her 5-6 months. She is planning on starting either chemo or radiation again but she had a rough time with it the last time and I fear that she will not feel comfortable in the end. She keeps saying that she feels great right now but that is obviously before the treatment starts. There is no talking to her, as she thinks this is the best option for my grandfather to deal with ~ she wants to stay strong for him. She is soooo stubborn! So...she doesn't want me to come down and help them get "situated". She wasn't even planning on telling me, or anyone for that matter, about this recent finding b/c she didn't want to stress me out during the pregnancy. So...DH and I are currenttly trying to find a long weekend in his schedule so that we can travel down there before my travel rights are cut off my the OB (coming up next month) so she can see Ian, Bryn, and the belly once more, since I am not sure if she'll still be with us after the baby is born. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is just the tip of the iceberg. A week and a half ago, our computer crashed. I immediately began grieving the loss of my 7500+ photos that I hadn't been able to sort through, burn to a DVD, and send to get printed. This was going to be my summer before-the-baby-is-born project. I'd delayed it obviously long enough and was all eager to get started, then...CRASH!!!! :( Anyway...I grieved, was QUITE angry at myself, and finally accepted it. Then, the techs were saying that they'd be able to recover the photos by burning them to a DVD...no problem. They could also transfer the photos to another harddrive with even better results. We were finally able to buy a computer today. They had "successfully" burned the photos to a DVd and while I was checking the photos out, they said that I couldn't view them b/c their computers didn't have the same hardware. Hmmm...makes sense. So, we had them transfer the data to the new harddrive along with all of the programs, just to be on the safe side. NOTHING! Well...I should say that. They did successfully recover some excellent photos of animals from the zoo. I have taken a TON of photos of the zoo animals for Ian during our many trips. That was practically it. Well...That and the MANY photos that people have sent us throughout the years of their kids. All of those photos downloaded from emails look GREAT! All of the photos from our various trips, birthdays (including Bryn's first),a nd memorable moments are gone. And I have to grieve all over again. What makes me more upset than anything else is the way that DH is handling this. Grantly, I am a mom who is extremely pregnant and hormonal, BUT I think that I would have reacted the same regardless. I am soooo mad at myself for making excuses as to why I couldn't burn them or print them out. I am even more mad at DH b/c he is just being DH ~ an objective-thinking guy who just shrugs it off ~ it happened, cannot do anything about it. This is coming from a guy who has excellent memory. I have a VERY poor memory ~ I can BARELY remember Bryn as a baby. I have photos to help me remember. Whenever I have a frustrating day, I'll click on the computer and pull up my favorite memories. I'd "star" the photos and crisp them up, get them ready for downloading, and that was it. I am just so disappointed in me b/c along with the photos go my memories and my babies.
Then, to top it off, today I had my 25-wk OB visit. They are concerned about my weight gain and BP. Granted, I am obviously under stress, which probably solves the BP issue. It also kind of explains the weight ~ I normally crave chocolate and sweets but even moreso while under stress. I don't just eat a little in the evening as I unwind from the day, I also eat it throughout the day when I need a pick-me-up. So...the NP is concerned that I might develop gest diabetes and possibly preeclampsia. This cannot happen. I realize that eating is definitely NOT the way to handle stress but studies show that chocolate does make people happy, right? How can they take away my chocolate???!!!!
So...my grandma is dying and I am not sure if I'll be able to see her before she goes; I might not be able to make it home to see my family and friends, who live 10 hours away in the opposite direction, before the 32-week travel cut-off, let alone before February (sorry...didn't touch on that topic); my photos and memories are gone forever and I am soooo mad at myself all over again; I am soooooo pi$$ed off at DH for being oblivious to the affects of the stresses of the above mentioned; and now my health and that of my baby's is possibly an issue. I only hope that this week gets better. I am toying of the idea of going home ina couple of weeks with the kids, sans DH, but am NOT looking forward to that trip. UGH!!!!!
So...Any coping techniques that work for you that might help me get through this? I was toying with asking about Zoloft, as I am sure that the grandma "issue" will be with me for a while and I have been sooooo short with the kids lately. I am not sure if I want to take more meds, though. I have a yoga DVd that I can try but the time-of-day issue is still an issue for me. My kids wake up before me (VERY EARLY) and I really like to use the evening as a time to lay down, raise my legs and relax. I guess that yoga is relaxing but not my idea of "elevating my legs". I also would like to get in more exercise but it has been so hot here I cannot fathom getting out after 9am for a walk. UGH!!! Any ideas???
Sorry about the extremely lengthy novel. At least now I feel as though I can try to go back to bed. :) THANK YOU. Sorry, also, for the typos and rambling.