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  1. #1
    WeasieG Guest

    Default Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    How do you spank a child, and how old until?
    To me, spanking is grabbing a child by the arm, and giving her a firm swat on the behind when she is misbehaving. To my husband, it's having the child over his knee, pants down, and firmly spanking the child.. very different than what I envisioned, but he says it'd be more effective for little boys (I was raised in an all-girl household).
    Just makes me uncomfortable, but is it more effective? How old do you spank kids until?

  2. #2
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    Hi! I know there are lots of different ways to parent but honestly, spanking is not the best route and usually does not work. It only teaches that bigger people can hit smaller people and teaches your kids to fear you. There are SO many better and more effective ways to discipline and have your kids respect rather then fear you. I have been a Social Worker for many years and know for a fact that spanking is just not the way to go-especially on a bare butt! Have your husband put YOU over his knee and see how it feels. Please reconsider hitting your child and investigate alternative discipline methods. :)Good Luck!!

  3. #3
    Fairy's Avatar
    Fairy is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    Amen! Thank you for posting this response!

  4. #4
    Ruth_B Guest

    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    We used the 123 method. The one rule for the parent is that when you hit three, there must be ramifications. Not 2 3/4 etc. We only had to do it twice and we never had to hit 3 again because he knew we meant business. Best of luck.

  5. #5
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    >Hi! I know there are lots of different ways to parent but
    >honestly, spanking is not the best route and usually does not
    >work. It only teaches that bigger people can hit smaller
    >people and teaches your kids to fear you. There are SO many
    >better and more effective ways to discipline and have your
    >kids respect rather then fear you. I have been a Social Worker
    >for many years and know for a fact that spanking is just not
    >the way to go-especially on a bare butt! Have your husband put
    >YOU over his knee and see how it feels. Please reconsider
    >hitting your child and investigate alternative discipline
    >methods. :)Good Luck!!

    I disagree. Spanking may not be for every child or every parent (and there are most certainly parents who use it inappropriate--just like certain parents who parent in other ways inappropriately), but there are certain instances when a spanking can be very effective, especially for a strong-willed child and when not done in anger. You don't spank to hurt, you spank to get their attention and teach that there are consequences to deliberate disobedience.

    My petite mother spanked all three of her daughters (and even some of my rowdy (now 6 foot) male cousins); my dad did not. We obeyed mama; we sassed and pushed the limits with our poor daddy. We each say that our mother was our "parent" because we knew where our boundaries were with her and we did not want to reach those limits. Spanking did not teach us to hit others as you suggest, but to respect authority. We became a lawyer, a teacher, and a medical professional--not criminals. Heck--we don't even have a speeding ticket between the three of us.

    I solidified my opinion about categorical anti-spanking attitudes when a three-year old ran out in the road at a mall while I was trying to get her sister out of the car. I had been trained in timeouts and many other forms of alternative discipline, but for my then three year old, its effectiveness was spotty and sometimes delayed. I got the scare of my life when she darted away from our car--I screamed for her to stop and she did not. I caught her (thankfully), but I made my mind up that day that her safety was more important than anything else. I had to spank her three times her entire childhood before she knew that I meant business, and from then on, when I said "No, Stop, or anything else" in a strong term, she obeyed. Those three spankings did what loads of timeouts had never done--earned me her respect and immediate obedience (and ensured her safety).

    Children are smart--they want to see how far they can get without getting in trouble. In the end, I found out that my mom had been right--parents should not rule out spankings as an alternative form of discipline.

  6. #6
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    ">My petite mother spanked all three of her daughters (and even
    >some of my rowdy (now 6 foot) male cousins); my dad did not.
    >We obeyed mama; we sassed and pushed the limits with our poor
    >daddy. We each say that our mother was our "parent" because we
    >knew where our boundaries were with her and we did not want to
    >reach those limits. Spanking did not teach us to hit others
    >as you suggest, but to respect authority. We became a lawyer,
    >a teacher, and a medical professional--not criminals.
    >Heck--we don't even have a speeding ticket between the three
    >of us."

    my parents did not spank me, my sister or my brother. while my sister did have the whole "hate your parents because you are a rebellious teen and are full of angst" thing, NONE of us got into any real trouble. ALL of us respect our parents. All of us listened to what they had to say, obeyed their rules, didn't lie and did well in school. We all have very good relationships with our parents as adults (and a young adult, my brother is 10 years younger than I and is still only 21.) oh- and my sister had undiagnosed ADD until age 20, if that gives you an idea of what kind of child she was.

    edited because i thought i sounded mean and that wasn't my intention. just have strong feelings.
    Liza has been hangin' around this board for six years.

    My sons are 4 and 6. And they are very loud.

  7. #7
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    I don't think anyone here will really give you spanking advice unless they PM you. This is a pretty anti-spanking board.

    -Sonia
    Mommy to Martie
    & Li'l Girl Bunny to come Feb. 2007

  8. #8
    vonfirmath is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    We don't have any kids yet (not due until August) but this is the way I was spanked:

    1. Spankings were always for defiance only. If Mom or Dad said No and we went ahead and did it anyway.

    2. Spankings were never done by hand. Early on my parents used a paddle that used to have a ball attached. But when that broke on them my dad made a paddle that would not break.

    I *think* dad did all the paddling. (My mom might have when we were younger. But I don't remember). He would send us to the parents' room to think about what we had done. And then he would come in and talk to us about what we had done and why we were getting the paddling, then give us 1 or 2 swats (never more than 2 swats) and then sit us down and hug us and tell us how he loved you and etc.

    We never pulled down our pants or anything. OTOH, we also never tried to "stuff" them to lessen the impact of the paddling either.

    By the end of the time we got spankings, I remember that my parents being disappointed in me was a much greater deterrent than the spanking itself.

  9. #9
    raynjen Guest

    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    We use spanking judiciously and thoughtfully and have pretty much phased it out now (she is 5). We used it for defiance and for safety (i.e. as the pp poster said, for running out into the road). I would say that if you are uncomfortable with a certain type of discipline that YOU shouldn't use it. I think it is okay for you and your husband to have different methods of discipline as long as you are disciplining the same things. For example, my husband has never spanked our daughter, but we punish the same infractions. I have never been comfortable using a "time-out" spot and there are some people who will never be comfortable with spanking and that is fine.

    Jen in Wichita
    Mom to my beautiful little daughter, Noelle!

    http://by.lilypie.com/yB-om6/.png

  10. #10
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    Default RE: Spanking - firm swat, or over the knee?

    I know an unpopular topic, but I feel it is only fair to answer what you asked. I was suggested a book that gave a spanking perspective. I use it in addition to my other books which don't have that perspective. Though I must preface saying it is a christian book. It does have the specifics of when, what, how, etc. It is very old fashioned in many respects, but actually answered some questions I had. Anyways it is called "What the bible says about child training" if you fail to find any answers anywhere else. HTH

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