RE: Picking your battles vs. Being consistent
In general, I am in the always be consistent camp. However, I also believe in choice for toddlers, to a limited extent, because I think that's part of growing up. So, I generally allow DS some choice in what to wear, what to eat and where to go (if we're doing something for him). So, I will show him 2 outfits and ask which he wants to wear, give him 2 or 3 choices about what to eat and say "do you want to go to the library or the park." So, in your scenario, I wouldn't mandate that she has to have the soy butter/jelly sandwich with the bread. To me, that's one of those negotiable areas that's not that important in the grand scheme of things. Now that you know the bread is an issue, I might say "I know your teeth are bothering you, so would you like your soy nut butter/jelly sandwich with or without bread today?"
Good luck.
Mommy to Justin (13 years) & Ashlyn (8 years)