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  1. #1
    deborah_r is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    I worked my first 3 hours today, was away from DS for almost 4 hours. My neighbor watched him, I am just doing some training. My employer is closed next week, so I am just putting in a few hours this week to learn the job a little (I will be covering a maternity leave) then DS will start at daycare July 6, and I will be working M-W-F. Next week I will bring him to the daycare several times to try to get him acclimated.

    My neighbor is really great with him, but she is not intereted in any kind of regular babysitting gig, as she travels a lot to see her children and grandchildren.

    So anyway, everything is going fine so far, but I just feel so sad. A constant nagging sadness.

    Just had to get that out there.
    Deb
    Mama to my guys, K (May '03) and Q (June '07)

  2. #2
    barbarhow Guest

    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Deborah-Hugs to you Mama. It is hard, so hard. I promise you, though, it does get easier. Kai will adjust and most likely will love the interaction with other kids. Jack goes M W F and it makes for I nice balance. He ends up being home more days than not which somehow made me feel better.
    Hang in there-that sadness will fade.

  3. #3
    alkagift is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Oh, Deborah, I understand. It's a sad thing, but necessary, I know. I feel for you, I do. I've been there. Hang in there and give your little pumpkin extra hugs from us! He's old enough that honestly it will be playtime to him.

    For awhile there, when I first put DS in daycare, I was treating myself to a large non-fat latte and a scone every day at Starbucks to heal my wounded soul. Far be it from me to make that suggestion to everyone, (heck I was nursing so the calories weren't an issue), but do treat yourself kindly while you transition--a treat every so often (chocolate or flowers for your desk at work, whatever) wouldn't hurt!

    Allison
    Mommy to Matthew Clayton, who is TWO!

  4. #4
    wendmatt is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Oh Deborah, that's really hard. I hope it goes OK and Kai really enjoys himself. Good luck with it all.

  5. #5
    LucyG is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    It is hard, isn't it? I teach part-time, and am home with DD all summer. Both falls of her life, when I've gone back for the start of the school year, I've felt that same sadness and grief over leaving my baby again. But, it really will get better, I promise. I worried about it much less once I realized how much fun DD has at the sitter's house. I hope the transition will be an easy, positive one for both of you. :-)


    http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif[/img][/url]
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  6. #6
    zuzu is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    I know it's hard leaving them, but I'm sure Kai will have fun with his new friends. That should make it easier for him, at least.

    Some days are harder then others, but after a while it does get a little easier, especially if you keep busy at work and try not to think about it too much. And do treat yourself, as Allison suggested.

    Hugs and good luck! We'll be here for you.

    Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

  7. #7
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    Puddy73 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Hugs, Deborah! It is hard, but it gets easier, I promise. I cried every day when I first left DD at daycare, but when I saw how much fun she was having with the other kids, I felt much better. The transition was harder on me than it was on her. As the pps suggested, take time to do something special for yourself!

    Jennifer
    Mommy to Annabelle 9/03 & a little pumpkin due 10/05

    "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

  8. #8
    deborah_r is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Well, I am still generally sad. But thank you for the encouraging words. I was feeling better about it, then yesterday I was looking at a site I had bookmarked a long time ago "Daycares Don't Care", and it got me all depressed again. Not saying I agree with it, but the fact that some people think it is that horrible upsets me a little. (Link: http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/Book...-99_page_3.htm )

    I spent a couple hours there yesterday with Kai, then today I brought him back, I stayed for playtime and part of lunch, then left him for them to get him to finish up with lunch and go to sleep. I just called, because they hadn't called me and I was sure they would be calling to tell me he was hysterical, so I thought maybe my cell phone wasn't working...but he's fine. He's asleep. I can't believe it! A friend of mine sends her son there a couple days a week, and I remember she was amazed that they got him to go to sleep. This is my son who has to have "fursies" (nursing) everyday before his nap. I know they act different in other environments, and I'm sure it was not lost on him that all the other kids were going to sleep, but I'm still amazed!

    There have been some little things that have bothered me that I have witnessed, just things where I'm worried they are not giving enough attention to a particular child, and also times when I feel like they offer them an activity and shortly after just say "OK, we need to clean up now" when the kids have just gotten started. It is a very small group, and I wonder if my being there possibly throws the 'teachers" off a little? Also they just changed to their summer schedule this week, and they mentioned they were still getting used to it.

    I can't believe he's sleeping on a cot at daycare right now!!!! Argh, I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I keep waiting to hear him crying in his crib, then I remember he is not here!
    Deb
    Mama to my guys, K (May '03) and Q (June '07)

  9. #9
    stella is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    That site made me feel sad and defensive.

    I know, Deborah, that you are not trying to start a debate and I don't really want to participate in one, but I am working out of necessity - not out of choice. Unless one considers health insurance optional (which I do not).

    I work to ensure that everyone in my family has something to fall back on. DH is self-employed and his income varies. My income does not vary. Our health insurance benefits do not vary - because of me.

    My kids are doing fine. I think that being home is a wonderful thing for children and I did it as long as our circumstances allowed it. But everybody can't just cut back a little and thereby have a parent at home. Many do just that, but everybody can't.

    I know that you posted because you are sad for Kai and are imagining the worst. I expect that he is going to have a good time this summer. And you will too - working will probably refresh you.

    He is still with you more than he is in daycare. You would never put him in a situation where they were cold or uncaring toward him. You are a good mom. And if working does not work for you, you can always quit.

    I felt exactly the same last summer when I filled in at my old job - much like you are doing now. I was afraid that my children would become sociopaths without a mother there to care for them. That has not been the case (I have been working now for exactly a year).

    But they enjoy their day and I enjoy my day. And when I am home I am not distracted - I'm all theirs. You are a good mom. I know that this is difficult, but it's not forever, and you are going to play it by ear.

    It is so normal to feel this way, and it is hard, but just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. And my advice would be to stop reading information that makes you feel guilty and bad. Life is hard enough without inviting in extra guilt when you aren't doing anything to feel guilty about.

    Good luck in your new old job!

    Claire

  10. #10
    deborah_r is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

    Oh Claire, I'm sorry that upset you! I don't know where on earth I found that site, but I just started reading over it yesterday after we came home from our day care "trial". I knew I shouldn't have. I think I wanted to be able to read it and be able to refute all of what they say in my mind.

    Like any other topic, there are extremists, and I think I found an anti-daycare extremist. I don't really understand extremists. I mean, for example, I think all children should be breastfed if humanly possible, but I would never try to make people feel bad if they didn't or couldn't, and I don't judge their parenting on that. One thing I have learned on these boards is there are awesome mommies who breastfeed and who don't, and who stay home and who work, and co-sleep and don't, and use slings and don't, and let their kids watch TV and don't, etc. etc.

    I do think maybe daycares as they are currently are not the best solution for our country, but some major changes need to take place to make the situation better. I am working out of necessity too, necessity as in, I should have been working for probably the last year, and our savings account has been slowly dipping, so back to work I go!

    On a lighter note, my son fell asleep without me there, slept from 12:30 to 3:30 and woke up happy as a clam. (At home he cries when he wakes up and I have to hold him for 15 minutes...what's up with that?!?) DH and I went to pick him up, we were in the classroom and he was outside and we said "Hi Kai" through the window and he said "Oh, Mommy...and Daddy! Mommy and Daddy! Mommy, Daddy & Kai!" And then it took us 15 minutes or so to pry him away from the place! So he had a really fun day! I on the other hand sat at home fretting the whole time he was there, and couldn't even make myself eat lunch :) But I feel better after seeing how well he did!
    Deb
    Mama to my guys, K (May '03) and Q (June '07)

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