Help! TV, Discipline & Tantrums

[Fairy]

I've always been a very strict NO TV parent, and we've been fairly consistent with this. However, a few weeks ago, my 17-month-old son had pneumonia and had breathing treatments. We had to actively monitor his activity level so that his breathing didn't become labored through heightened activity. I tried crayons and realized just in time that he was too young for play doh, and we tried books and books and books. He loves books, but there are only so many of those he can stand in an entire day. Couldn't take him out of the house for about 4 or 5 days, we could play but he couldn't get too excited, and the cabin fever was more than he could stand. So, I relented and upped his 30-minutes a day (on a very liberal day) of Sesame Street to a few hours. I'd do it again, thank god it kept him calm and his wheezing was under control.

Well, he's better now, but he a) figured out how to turn the TV on without the remote, b) wants that TV ALL THE TIME, c) throws a non-stop crying jag if he doesn't get it, and d) has a tantrum if he sees that his crying jag is not having an effect. This happens a few times a day now for the last week that he's been recovered and we no longer let him watch all the Ernie & Bert that he wants. We've set the TV on the XM music stations that DirecTV offers so that when he turns it on, he gets music and no picture -- which is boring for him, so that works. But we don't want him to turn it on at all, and he's being completely defiant and does it even tho we say no TV. Am I shocked? No. Time for discipline to curb this, but I've realized that I have no idea where to begin in disciplining a tot that's not yet a true toddler but no longer a baby.

He's 17 months old, I don't believe in spanking, and I don't know how to enforce a time out at 17-months-old. Does anyone have any recommendations on discipline that will address this?

Thanks so much.

[californiagirl]

Well, when DD has a crying fit/tantrum, we sympathize with her, and cuddle her if she wants, and the rule doesn't change. Rinse, lather, repeat... It will probably help if you set up a regular routine for the TV he can watch so that he knows what to expect (so the TV is just before breakfast, or after lunch or something -- anyway, it's the same time every day).

At 17 months, I think you still do the prevent, redirect, repeat routine. So when he goes to turn it on, you say "You can watch TV <whenever you've set up>. Turning the TV on is a Mama thing; you may not press the TV button. You can press the buttons on this." (Or whatever replacement activity meets his needs and yours.) And if necessary you pick him up and move him away. The first few times, he probably will do the crying fit/tantrum thing. You say "You really wanted to play with the TV. It's fun to play with the TV. You're mad you can't play with the TV." Then you offer something he can do, maybe you cuddle a bit, whatever, as long as it doesn't involve turning on the TV.

With DD, we'd have to do the tantrum routine about 3 times in a row. Then she'd try it but not tantrum about it another couple. Then she'd try it with tantrum the next day or the day after, and then it would be pretty much over.

[Metermaid]

I find that age is so hard to control. They understand "no" but don't really have the ability to control their desires. The only thing that I find really works is to make the item completely inaccessible. Either put it in a cabinet and close the doors, or unplug it and put it in a closet for a few days, or put it up high where your dc can't reach it and cover it with a cloth and only turn it on when he's asleep. If that's not an option, you just need a lot of patience. I can't think of any discipline technique that would really work other than just repeating "no tv right now" and trying to distract. It might be a good idea to get some special toys that are a good distraction...maybe crayons or helping you make supper or something else special.

BTW, that's a great idea to leave it on the music only channel.