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  1. #1
    robyn9474 Guest

    Default Helping my 2 yo stand up for himself

    Just wondering if anybody has any advice about this...

    My DS has an introverted personality... keeps to himself when there are lots of other kids around and is not at all aggressive. Often if he is playing within a group, another child will take his toy or push him aside and he will just retreat (but he will be sad about losing his toy). While I am happy that he's not an aggressive child, I'm not sure how to teach him to stand up for himself to other kids who are more aggressive without offending the moms of the kids who are doing the pushing and/or taking.

    For example, today I took him to play with the trains at Barnes and Noble, and he was happily playing with one train... he rolled it on the track and a smaller girl came along, picked it up, and started playing with it. He got sad and looked to me for help. Unfortunately, this girl's parent was not paying attention (walking with an older child) so she couldn't discipline the girl. I wasn't sure what to do - should I take the train back from the little girl? Then she will start screaming and I will have to explain why to the parent. BUt if I do nothing and tell my son to get over it, I think that's sending the wrong message to him.

    I guess I'm just a non-confrontational person, so it stresses me out to have to confront another mommy like that. But I don't want my poor son to end up like me!

    So what would you mommies do?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    Mountain View, CA.
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    1,991

    Default RE: Helping my 2 yo stand up for himself

    I would start by saying to the little girl "Excuse me, my son was playing with that train. Here, you can play with this one" and hand her the other train. Eventually when he's seen you do it, you can try getting him to do it. Basically, you do what he would do, in a perfect world, until he knows how it goes...

  3. #3
    duvie is offline Copper level (50+ posts)
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
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    Charlottesville, Virginia, USA.
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    Default RE: Helping my 2 yo stand up for himself

    Just saw this now which is why it is such a late reply. I am reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers by Tracy Hogg and she talks some about different temperaments. I have just skimmed the book, so I'm not sure if there will be anything helpful for you, but you might want to look. Also, since you are definitely not alone in this, you might glance at all of the Toddler books at the library or bookstore and see if there is anything there that might help you. There must be something on "shy" children! Maybe even google some key words- toddler, introverted, shy, confrontation...

    It sounds as though the real problem is that he looks so sad (helpless?) when another child takes something away. I have actually consulted a child psychologist on some relatively minor issues that I am having with my son. She has been a world of help. If is possible, seeing someone for one or two times may help you go in the right direction.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Default RE: Helping my 2 yo stand up for himself

    Well, you described my ds to a tee- and he's nearly 4. First, you need to tell him to 'use your words', then model the correct behavior, as pp mentioned. Is he in a MMO program or preschool? that really seemed to help my son come out on his own. He still would rather watch from the side rather than jump in with a ton of kids, but he is more comfortable telling a kid to stop or 'that's mine' now.

    I'd also try not to describe him as shy or introverted in front of him-- you don't want it to be a self fulfilling prophecy... I can't help but cringe when I hear parents say, "Oh, don't be so shy". They are who they are-- and we need to accept them as such.

    HTH!
    Ruth

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