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  1. #1
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    Default How long should my 2 year old be able to entertain herself?

    2 year old DD does not play very well by herself. She constantly wants DH and I to play with her. She has a beautiful playroom with lots of toys and she won't play in there for more than a few minutes unless we're in there with her. I'm wondering if maybe she has too many toys.

    What should my expectations be at this age? Does anyone's DC entertain themselves really well? How did you promote that?

    Anyone aspire to the "less is more" belief when it comes to toys? What toys do you have and does it work well?

    Thanks for the advice!

    Jenny

  2. #2
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    My ds has always been great at playing by himself. He also has a ton of toys. He ignores like 90% of them- he gets into a few toys for a few days then moves on.

    I think it is mostly his personality. But, from an early age we did kind of leave him to roam in our childproofed living room while dh and I did our thing. He was always happy to just explore his world.

    We have friends that never, ever let their child play by themself. The child is now 4.5 and pretty much expects constant attention. They kind of made their own bed in this situation.

    I'd just slowly start letting her play a bit more and more on her own. After she seems to be engaged in something maybe go head to the bathroom or make a snack. See what happens. Don't go back in (or go back in if you need to supervise that closely but read or something) unless she really can't stand you being apart. But, little by little maybe you can get her to play longer by herself?

    Oh, and I think it helped that we would let ds play by himself in his crib before and after bed from a very early age. If he wasn't really crying then we would totally let him be. Sometimes he will still play for 2 hours before bed and an hour after he wakes up. Sometimes I felt bad for "neglecting" him but he was happy and I really believe they need time for independent play and just to be on their own.

    GL!!

    Beth

  3. #3
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    DS can entertain himself for pretty decent stretches. He likes to ride his "bike" around the house, play with trucks, etc by himself, but enjoys popping over to show us what he's up to, and then going back to work. That's just kinda how he is - there are other kids in his day care class that definitely must always have an audience. He would also color indefinitely by himself, but you're nuts if you think I'd leave a 2 y.o. by himself with markers!
    mommy to DS who is 9
    DD who is 6
    and my girl in heaven

  4. #4
    Piglet is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I know that my boys play better by themselves if they are near me. We just finished a playroom in the basement that is awesome, but they don't play there for very long (and not at all if only one of them is home). With one child, I can see why she wouldn't want to be in her playroom on her own. I think the quantity of toys is not the issue. Obviously you can have an excess of toys, but that alone wouldn't cause her to seek your attention. Have you considered letting her play in the same room as you? If you are in the kitchen, let her play with something at the kitchen table. If you have a den or living room within close proximity to whereever you are, set up a little toy station there. Let her play independently as much as possible but sort of hover close by. If you are insistent on her playing in her playroom, then give her a time when you will check in on her. Tell her to play nicely and you will come see what she is doing in 5 minutes. Be sure to follow through. Eventually, stretch the time to 10 minutes. Get her used to the idea of playing by herself and then gradually decrease your check-ins.

    Also, I do agree with the PPs that personality plays a huge part too. DS1 didn't play much on his own, but then he found books and never looked back. He can sit with a book for a VERY long time and now sits and reads chapter books all the time. DS2 doesn't like books, but can play on his own better than DS1 could at this age. DD is the play-alone champ (nature or nurture - you decide). I have had to put her down often in order to help the boys and she has become so good at "playing". She rolls around in the family room from toy to toy and does her thing for good long stretches - I can even grab a shower these days!


    Mommy to:

    DS1 07/2001
    DS2 03/2005

    DD1 05/2007

    DD2 03/2014

  5. #5
    maestramommy's Avatar
    maestramommy is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Dora is 2 and plays by herself pretty well. In terms of time it runs a range depending on her mood and time of day, but it can be anywhere from 15 minutes to over an hour.

    Part of it may be her temperment, but around when she was 9 months and crawling, I started putting her off when she would whine for attention. I believe the first time was because I was in the middle of a kitchen task and absolutely couldn't pick her up. I kept saying, "okay, it just a few minutes, just a few minutes." 10 minutes later when I was done I realized she wasn't around anymore. I went looking for her and she was happily playing by herself in the living room. Once I realized she was able to do it I would "put her off" a couple of times a day. I started playing some CDs in her bedroom, and that really caught her attention. Sometimes she would just chill in her room while listening to the CDs. Nowadays she'll ask me to put on a particular CD, then she'll just stay in her room and read. However, when she is feeling high maintenance, she mostly wants us to read to her, and if she's particularly picky it has to be me, even though I'm busy and Dh is happy to read to her. I think it's just a stage.

    I don't know the answer to your question about toys because for the most part Dora is NOT a toys kid. It wouldn't matter if we had one toy or 1000, she'd still spend most of her time with her books. Arywn is different however, and will play with a "toy" for a long time. For her we would probably have a a few toys out in the rotation, just to keep the clutter down.
    Last edited by maestramommy; 01-17-2008 at 12:55 AM.
    Melinda
    Mommy to
    The Gift 10/01/05
    Elfgirl 5/25/07
    Sparky 6/27/09

    "Sunset to Twilight, Our Family's Journey with Alzheimer's." http://maestramommi.blogspot.com/




  6. #6
    kijip is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    I think it is a personality thing. Some kids do it for a long time, others don't. That main thing that strikes me from your post is that she does not want to be alone in her play room. My son would and still will occupy himself for a long time, but usually preferred to be in eyeshot of me at age 2 and to some degree still does. So playing by himself was fine, being alone was trickier. Perhaps if she could bring a few toys out to the living area and play were you are still in earshot? I love out open floor-plan hose for this reason...Toby can play to his heart's content in the living room and still know that I am right there in the kitchen or dining room since he can see me.
    Katie, mama to a pair of boys.

  7. #7
    BeachBum is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    My son is 2.25. He will not play alone in his playroom either. But if I am sitting in there with him (even if I am on the computer) he will play just fine.
    He will play for a bit in the family room if I am in the kitchen.

    So I do agree with the previous posters about playing "near". Additionally, I often start DS on an activity then excuse myself. So I get out the trains, help him get started then back off a bit.

    All that said, my son doesn't play much by himself. I can't say that I blame him I would much rather be playing with a friend than alone most of the time. I think kids just have different personalities/family dynamics.

  8. #8
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    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    When DS was that age he'd play solo for about 15 mins max. He liked to be in the same room or one room over and be able to glance at me or hear me from time to time. DS is now 2.5 and can play longer alone (maybe 30 mins).

    HTH
    /hillary

  9. #9
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    DS plays a ton by himself but wants me close by. I can be reading or cleaning nearby and he's OK. On the computer-not so much! Most of his good toys are in the living room and that works really well for us!
    Margaret and
    (DS 2/06) and (DD 3/08)

  10. #10
    Ceepa is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I was just told by a doctor that children around 4 yo only have a 15-20 minute attention span so, on average, a 2 yo has an even shorter one.

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