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  1. #1
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    Default Appropriate wedding gift for a blended family?

    OK, so for all of my cousins I've stitched wedding samplers of some sort as a wedding gift. This summer another cousin is getting married, but it's her fiance's second marriage, and he has children from his first marriage. I want to acknowledge the kids as well, so I was considering altering a family sampler I found to read:

    [their last name]
    [her name + his name]
    United in Marriage
    [date of wedding]
    Our Family
    [childrens' names]

    Is this appropriate? My cousin does already treat these (fairly young) children as her own, they have rooms at her house and they do things as a family all the time, including formal portraits and vacations.

    I guess my biggest concern is that I don't want it to look like they're her biological children (I won't be putting in birth dates as the sampler originally showed) and I also don't want the children to feel like it "negates" their original family and their birth mother (totally not finding the right words here...I hope I'm making sense.) But I also feel like my cousin is not just getting married, but creating a new family, and that should be acknowledged.

    Opinions?
    Sarah
    Mommy to:
    Carolyn, 10/04
    Anna, 7/08
    Matthew, 8/13

  2. #2
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    OK, this is just my opinion, and I am not a sewer or cross-stitcher, but I do come from a blended family, so this is my advice:

    Just put:

    Their Last Name
    Her Name + His Name
    United in Marriage
    Date

    and leave the children part off. This is entirely appropriate because they are not in fact *her* children even though she treats them as if they were (which is AWESOME!) So "Our Children" is kind of misleading- like you said, are people going to think she just had kids with this guy first and then married him after the fact?

    I think your original idea would be FABULOUS if your cousin had her own children from a prior relationship that she was also bringing to the marriage. To me, as a child from a first marriage, it would have been weird to see myself listed in this type of sampler for my father's second marriage if it was only me and my sister, which it was.

    In the future, when your cousin and her new DH have kids, it will be nice to include the names of his first children on any family memorabilia, but on something that is specifically for their wedding, I would just keep the focus on the couple. HTH

  3. #3
    tarabenet is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default

    I think that sounds lovely!

    My DH's daughters were 12 and 14 when we married. The girls did not live with us full-time until recently (during college years), but we always claim them as our family, not just his. Greeting cards, announcements, gifts etc., come from all of us just as they would for "our" kids. It took a little getting used to, but it was part of building our family. (We also included them in our wedding ceremony, with special vows to and from them as we presented them with diamond drop necklaces, much as we gave each other rings.)

    Both girls have thanked us for that, for making clear that they were full members of our family, not left-behinds somehow. Even DH's ex, with whom I have civil but not warm relations, has specifically thanked me for the way I and my own family of origin have treated the girls as belonging to all of us.

    They officially build a family on that day not just a marriage of two. Building a blended family is a tricky thing. If your cousin's relationship were shaky, you might want to discuss it with her first. But it sounds like she is on solid terms with the children. A memento of their being united as a family on that date will have special meaning for all of them, both on the ocassion and through the years to come.

  4. #4
    Melanie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ha98ed14
    OK, this is just my opinion, and I am not a sewer or cross-stitcher, but I do come from a blended family, so this is my advice:

    Just put:

    Their Last Name
    Her Name + His Name
    United in Marriage
    Date

    ITA. I think if you want to give a gift to the children that would be a nice touch, but I think your 'sampler' (is that like a pillow?) should just be about the couple who is getting married.
    Boy - 10 years, Girl - 6 Years Old!, (What am I still doing here?! LOL) Dog - Eternal Puppy , Me - Done .

  5. #5
    kellyd is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
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    I think the original is the most appropriate. When marrying a person w/ children you are gaining an instant family and I think it is wonderful that you wish to recognize it. My BF got remarried last year and part of their ceremony w/ a ring presentation to her two sons (17 and 14) by her new DH uniting them once and for all as a family. They were always very specific in acknowledging that they were marrying as a family, not just a couple. A sampler like that would have been very touching to her as it would have recognized that he was acquiring two new sons as well.

  6. #6
    SammyeGail is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I do like think a wedding sampler should be that, a wedding sampler. (I used to be a huge cross-stitcher back when I had the time).

    So I personally would do the traditional sampler for the bride and groom.

    As for the kids and doing something for them; if its cross-stitch, you could stitch their name in some cool lettering/boardering and have it framed or a pillow made out of it, they could put it in their room at your cousins house. You know kids love things with their name on it. You could wrap these are put them with the presents labeled to the kids.

    That way the kids get something (your cousin will appreciate it), feel thought of, and the bride and groom get a wedding sampler.

    Its just an idea, maybe something you can think about.

    Samantha

  7. #7
    Melanie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Okay, easy for me to say, but what about a cute one that says the Our Family part with last name and all their names, then a separate wedding one? Or scrap the wedding one altogether and just do the family one?
    Boy - 10 years, Girl - 6 Years Old!, (What am I still doing here?! LOL) Dog - Eternal Puppy , Me - Done .

  8. #8
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    Thanks for all of the opinions...I'm still not sure what to do, though!

    I think, since it's likely my cousin is aware that I give these as wedding gifts (her two older brothers received theirs years ago), I may call and ask her which she'd prefer - not the design, of course, just whether she'd like it to have the kids names or not.

    I do appreciate all the ideas and suggestions, everyone gave me a lot to think about!

    Sarah
    Mommy to:
    Carolyn, 10/04
    Anna, 7/08
    Matthew, 8/13

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