I know she would be there, it's just the late night thing, they don't understand schedule's !
I think this is your real issue. Your DH and ILs are from a different culture. Different cultures have very different perspectives about time and schedules. The typical Anglo American culture (speaking in broad strokes of course) tends to value bedtime and adherance to schedules. Many cultures do not have this same value set. To them it's no big deal to have a late bedtime (or to be late in general) and if you're cranky the next day, then so what?
Neither culture is correct. They are both valid world views. The problem as you have expressed in many posts is that a) you don't feel validated by your DH for your own beliefs and 2) the difference between the two cultures' views on time creates stress for you.
I think that the PP who said that therapy for you and your DH is spot on. This is an issue that as a couple you need to address. It's an issue in your marriage and perhaps suggesting counseling will get your DH to see what an issue this is for you.
I really do feel for you, because my ILs are somewhat similar. They are very loose about these things, tend to run late, are not planners and it drives.me.NUTS! Sometimes I have just had to let go. Sometimes I have had to put my foot down. You and your DH need to work out that balance for your family.
Good luck!!
Beth, mom to older DD (8/01) and younger DD (10/06) and always missing Leah (4/22 - 5/1/05)