I am reminded why it's good that we live 5 hours from MIL and only see her 2x/year

[HIU8]

I have to keep reminding myself that this holiday weekend is almost over. If I don't, I won't survive. So far MIL has commented on the fact that I do to much laundry, I clean up the kitchen to much, and a host of other things. Most annoying is how she tells ME that I am the cause of all DS's problems. He is a spoiled brat that runs the house and is a mama's boy. I'm really sick of it. YES, we know DS has some rather large issues. We are going to see a child psychologist about his heightened fear of people and situations and his mental breakdowns in public. believe me, we are at our wits end trying to help him and can't figure out why this happens everywhere except preschool). But today MIL yelled at him to shut up and stop acting like a baby (she cursed at him to, but I'm not writing what she said because it makes me sick. If I could have kicked her out tonight I would have). I had to grab her arm b/c she was about to smack him. NOT OK. She has no right to speak to my son that way AT ALL. She has made it clear that she doesn't really like him. SO DON'T COME TO VISIT, DON'T INVITE US AND PLEASE DO NOT GIVE EITHER OF MY CHILDREN ANYTHING SO THAT WE FEEL WE OWE YOU BACK.

I hate that DH sides with her when she is here and then changes his tune when she is gone. I don't get why sons feel they have to do that. Why does he make excuses for her all the time. DH doesn't realize that if it continues the only way he will see his children is via court ordered visitation b/c I will not live this way and I won't put my children through a life like this.

I also need to tell MIL to stop walking into my room in the morning while I am naked and start talking to me or DH. HELLO, WE ARE NAKED AND GETTING DRESSED. THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE MIL. PLEASE LEAVE MY ROOM. DH refuses to say anything to her b/c this is how it was in his house growing up. To bad DH. This is OUR house-not your childhood home.

[lizajane]

um, yikes, heather. monster-in-law indeed. how incredibly "tresspass-y" of her!!!!! first of all, your son maybe has some problems. but you did not cause them and you are an awesome parent for noticing his differences and seeking some professional guidance! (can you tell i have a wild child in therapy???) and too much laundry and too much cleaning the kitchen??? what should you do? throw our your dirty clothes? let your kitchen get infested? HOW BIZARRE!!!!!!!! not to mention that if i were you, i would clean the kitchen just to get away from her and her comments!!!!!! so sorry she is invading your space so much. i hope you lock the door to your room tonight!!! hang in there... it is almost over!!!

[catroddick]

um, locking doornobs and a restraining order. Sounds like the only cure.

[elizabethkott]

um, locking doornobs and a restraining order. Sounds like the only cure.

And a couple of shots or a twisty straw!

[deborah_r]

Only 5 hours? Huh.

Well, to be positive, I am impressed you did not throw her out (yet)!

[trentsmom]

Wow. You're letting that thing stay in your house? You have more restraint than I think I would have. When you said she yelled, cursed, and almost slapped your son, I started to get angry! My first thoughts for your MIL? "Back off, lady" while physically removing her from the presence of your child. And he's at an age where he's going to remember what she did. My ILs are deceased, so I've not had to deal with the issues between a DH and his mother. But I have seen how my grandmother can manipulate my father, so I can understand. Here's hoping she's out of your house soon and for a very long time.

[sste]

I would tell her you suspect your DC's behavioral issues are genetic.

Then I would make it politely but abundantly clear that she is never to swear or yell at your DC. EVER. You do not need your DH or anyone else to back you on this one. It is non-negotiable that she does not, in your home or hers, behave in an inappropriate or threatening manner to your child.

I have not seen my own parents for six months after they had a screaming and swearing fight with each other *in front of* my eight month old. If they had yelled at my child or moved to strike him, I am not sure they would ever be seeing him again. I say that very seriously.

[cynthia]

Wow, That is really a MIL. I would just ignore her. Don't stress yourself..because it is not worth it. And if she does say things you don't like. Just confront her in a respectable matter and address her. If she still does not listen then you have the right to tell her whatever you want or let your husband address her. Good luck!

[kcandz]

Agreed. I don't care what the "title" of the person is by relationship, all bets are off if it comes to an adult being mean to my kid. My rule is, would I be ok if a stranger or friend said something to my child, either in tone of voice or wording? If not, they are getting told to back off in no uncertain terms, that *I* will deal with DC. Especially if there are behavioral issues that the person clearly has no qualifications to deal with appropriately. I view any incident such as the one OP described as potentially disruptive or damaging to the work I do *every day* for DC to develop, grow, and overcome DC's particular challenges. DH can deal with the fallout IMO. Priority one is that my DC is protected.

As others have mentioned, I too have been the recipient of "silent treatment" for periods of time standing by my beliefs in this way. This is with my own mother and FIL in two different incidents. If it was the intent, I don't feel punished because I know I am doing what is right for my child.