What's the big deal anyway? Seriously...

[tmonroe]

I realize people don't mean to be malicious when they ask but this still annoys me. DD is about three months away from her 1st birthday

DH and I have decided we don't want to have a birthday party. I plan on decorating her high chair with balloons and making her a cake with a nice frosting that she can lick and/or smear all over her face. We may invite the grandparents over but given her birthday falls on the middle of the week, we may or may not do that. They're coming over that weekend anyway.

We are not and dont plan on inviting anyone else. Friends and family act like we're depriving DD because we're not inviting everyone over. It's just annoying to have people question what you're doing. One person told us we we should definitely give her a party and offered to let DD share her sons birthday celebration. Nice offer but we don't need it or want it. We're not not having a party because we can't afford it but because DH and I think it's a waste for us. We're spending the money that would have gone on a party for some nice things we want DD to have. I don't knock anyone who chooses to have a big blow out party for their DC's first birthday- that's their choice but it's something we don't want to do. Why are people acting like we're depriving her of basic sustenance? Puhhhleeze.

[AngelaS]

I never threw big parties for my girls' 1st birthdays or any others for that matter. They don't seem to care.

Good for you for standing up for what is best for YOUR family. That's what's important.

[hellokitty]

I think it's b/c our culture has made such a big deal about bday parties, it's like they are seen as the norm. I once had a lady on another msg board tell me she thought it was so sad that I did not throw a big party for my kids' bdays every yr?!?! Boy, did that make me mad! When I was a kid, I don't remember ppl just automatically assuming that you would have a big bday party. In fact, while growing up I only had one big bday party, all the other ones were just a cake and maybe one present with my parents and siblings and I was fine with it. Even now I sometimes am made to feel weird. I only throw my kids a big party every few yrs (1st bday and 5th bday) and I already feel like that is pretty generous, but maybe that's just me. I wouldn't let it bother you. If ppl want to spend hundreds of dollars throwing elaborate bday parties for their kids, that's fine. You're the parent, you get to decide what to do and I think it's really crummy when ppl try to make you feel bad, over something as petty as whether or not you throw your kids a fancy bday party every yr.

[salsah]

i completely agree with you. my rule is that i only do a party if the child asks for one. you aren't depriving your child of anything (especially since a one year old is oblivious). parties for a first birthday aren't for the child, they are for the parents. i think that for a one year old, a small party with just family (or one or two close friends) is ideal.

[bluestarfish18]

I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I don't like the idea of celebrating 1st birthdays either. I don't like how society expects a "spend-you-hard-earned-cash-for-this-holiday" out of everything. It just seems that every important day is now overly-commercialized. Oh, it's your child's 1st birthday? You must buy this, this, this and don't forget this. Oh, it's Valentines Day? You must buy expensive this, expensive that and don't forget to blow $$$ on this. Why can't we just observe important occasions for what they truly stand for, without the commerical hullabaloo? Did that sound too bitchy?

[niccig]

Just tell people that you ask, that you will be celebrating the birthday with family - and you are.

We're doing a party every other year. And the other year, we've just done a small party with DS's playgroup. I've ordered pizza, and made a cake. No need to worry about anything else, and the kids loved it.

[trales]

We did not do a party either, most of our friends do not. We visited my parents, and my mom had a cake with dinner, we took a pictures. A week later we were at a friends for dinner and they surprised us with some cupcakes. It was more than perfect.

We plan to do the same thing for birthday #2. Dinner at the parents. Maybe some friends over for dinner, but not a party.

[lizajane]

oh, for the love of pete. she is a BABY. DD isn't going to remember her first birthday!! your plans sound PERFECT. she will have a cute photo to see when she is older in her decorated highchair with her yummy cake.

FWIW, dylan didn't have a party until this year. he is 4. we had some family for lunch on his 1st birthday, so we did celebrate. but we didn't actually have a party. and he had surgery on his broken hand/finger on his second. and his BFF from preschool sent out invites for HIS b'day party before i got to it when dylan turned 3. so he went to someone else's party on his 3rd birthday. and he has NEVER mentioned that he never had parties before.

[tnrnchick74]

I'm having a first BD party for DS. A few close friends/family - people who have really helped me survive the 1st year. Throw some burgers on the grill; BYOB; a free cake from Publix for DS to smash all over himself; and a dessert for the adults. That's it.

I will save the bigger parties for when DS can enjoy them! But this party IS for me! I know its for me!

But I totally get why you don't want a big party for your child!

[tmonroe]

I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I don't like the idea of celebrating 1st birthdays either. I don't like how society expects a "spend-you-hard-earned-cash-for-this-holiday" out of everything. It just seems that every important day is now overly-commercialized. Oh, it's your child's 1st birthday? You must buy this, this, this and don't forget this. Oh, it's Valentines Day? You must buy expensive this, expensive that and don't forget to blow $$$ on this. Why can't we just observe important occasions for what they truly stand for, without the commerical hullabaloo? Did that sound too bitchy?

Doesn't sound bitchy at all. I agree actually. I went to one first birthday party while I was pregnant was of Sweet 16 proportions. I think there was more foood than at our wedding. No exaggeration but had I criticized that mother (who is always crying broke) I would have been the bad guy.

TNRNchick, Publix gives free cakes for the 1st birthday? Your plans sound like fun. Eat a burger for me.