Are You a Better Parent Than You Had?

[Wife_and_mommy]

I have a young cousin I met just a year or so ago. My uncle was adamant he wanted his son but he's hardly a parent to him. The boy hardly moves or speaks when he's in dad's presence. He's overweight but is afraid to eat in front of dad. He just plain seems afraid.

It makes me really sad for the boy and also helps me realize that I'm too hard on myself. My parents did the best they could but I'm doing leaps and bounds better than they did because I have resources they didn't. DH grew up neither the child of immigrants nor socioeconomically disadvantaged so he doesn't fully recognize how different our childhoods were.

[kijip]

On a good day.

I like to think I have more good days than not.

In many ways definitely but in others, I don't always know.

[maestramommy]

I'd say I am a more informed parent in some ways. And that I have a lot more support than my parents and Dh's parents had. Both of our Dad's were grad students from overseas. They came here alone, started having kids while still in school. I still wonder how they survived. They were very poor but self sufficient. Absolutely no family around, and in many cases not a lot of friends except other classmates from the same country. My MIL tells me about the utter isolation and loneliness of those years and it's stark. My mom was really shy, didn't speak English that well, so it took years (I was 8) before she could really make friends with neighbors. I remember her just being very frustrated. But they all did the best the could, and here we are. Yes, they made mistakes, and I try not to repeat them, but no, I'm not a better parent than they were/are.

[veronica]

I had to respond other and here is a quick why:

I am a better parent:

I have much more information available to me than my parents did
I am finacially a bit more stable than they were
Neither DH nor I are alcoholics, like my Dad was
We are both here together parenting (DH grew up without his Dad)

Why I am not better or at least equal:

Both of our families, no matter how flawed, gave us more love than we could imagine

I was taught respect, loyalty, compassion and right and wrong and we are teaching the same to DC's

In the end, my feeling is that environmental forces seem to be much more negative these days. So, even though, DH and I may try harder or do more or know more, there is more working against us.

That's all I can think of now.....

[wellyes]

I voted other.

I love my daughter unconditionally and try my best. My daughter wants for nothing.

My parents loved me unconditionally and tried their best. I wanted for nothing as a child.

So, ignoring the generational differences etc. I'd put myself on equal footing as my own parents.

I do resent some things about how I grew up, but I think most people have a thing or two they swore they'd do differently. That's normal & I assume DD will be the same when she has her own kids.

[egoldber]

Um, yes. That's practically a no brainer since my kids aren't growing up afraid of their father and angry with their mother for not standing up to him. No matter what "mistakes" I make as a parent, that is never going to happen.

[BabyMine]

I don't think either is better we just have different circumstances.

My mom left my mentally ill father when I was 2. Her family disowned her so she was by herself. Our family is a 2 parent household that has the support of both families.

I use to think my childhood was horrible intil I had children. Now I think of my mom as a saint. I don't know how she stayed sane raising 2 girls by herself.

We have more resources available to us now then when I was younger. I can't say that is better just different.

[LarsMal]

I voted no because I don't think I'm any better than my parents were. There are certain things they did that I would't do and things they didn't do that I would.

I agree with pps who said they are more informed and that this is a different time. I don't think I'm any better or worse, just different!

[g-mama]

I had to vote 'no' because I think my mother was just beyond awesome.

She was so much fun that all the other kids wanted to come to our house to hang out and told me I had such a cool mom. Yet, she was the right amount of strict and I had the utmost respect for her and never talked back to her or sassed her. I loved her - and I liked her. She was my biggest supporter and my best friend. She was very active in our community, worked as a teacher, volunteered, had many good friends, exercised daily, had a nice dinner on the table every night, our house was always neat and clean, yet I never felt like she didn't have time for me. I wonder if she ever slept, LOL! She was physically and emotionally available whenever I needed her. I don't remember her yelling at me or my brother. She was very patient and loving.

I only wish she was still here to give me guidance as a mom because I honestly feel like I'm not half as good a mom as she was.

[wendmatt]

My Mum is/was the most awesome mum ever. She was 25 when she had me so was a young mum (I aleady had 2 sisters) and had lots of energy. Dad left so it was just her, so in that respect DD has it better that she has 2 parents who love her and she doesn't want for anything, except maybe more playmates. But when mum comes to visit she still gets down on the floor and plays with DD, she's really creative and fun, if I could be half as good a parent as she is I'd be happy.