Sleep over etiquette

[niccig]

A friend and I have been discussing our boys have a sleep over. They're both 5 yo and they know each other and the parents very well. We sometimes swap babysitting. DS was there last night until 9pm, so DH and I could see a movie, and I'm going over to their house tonight to put her 2 boys to bed and stay while they go to a party. This arrangement has worked out fine in the past.

We were discussing possible sleepovers and she would like us to do it next Friday night, so she and her DH can go to a party and not pay a babysitter and stay out as late as they like. It's kind of a running joke in our group, how they never want to pay a sitter. I do get that, it's costs money. BUT, she has 2 boys and when we discussed sleepover I meant the 5 year old, and not the 2 year old as well. I'm not even sure how the 5 year old will go, he has done one sleep over at someone else's house and he had to be driven home late at night, I can't do that if they're at a party. The 2 year old might not sleep at all at my house.

There's also the fact that my DH won't go for the 2 year old - he's fine with the 5 year old as that's an easy age, and he thinks our friends get it easy as we only have one child for them to look after, and DS is very easy going, while they have 2 children and their 2 year old has developmental issues, and his care is a little difficult. I can care for him at HIS house, as he knows it, and normally it's just putting him to bed.

So, when arranging a sleepover and the child has siblings, they're not included are they??? We might have plans on the Friday night, so it might not be an issue now, but how about the next time we talk about it??

[Wife_and_mommy]

We just did our first sleepover recently. The friend's siblings did not come. We're planning the reciprocation and I wouldn't dream of sending DS along.

As awkward as it might be, I'd mention you only expect to host the friend and not siblings. I'm looking forward to DS having us both all to himself.

[kozachka]

I'd be curious to hear from more experienced moms (DS has not done a sleepover yet) but there is no way I would have had a 2 year old with developmental issues over for a sleepover while his parents are out a party. It's just too far out of my comfort zone, especially for the first time. IMO sleepover does not equal babysitting, so no I don't think siblings are included.

[sste]

We had something similar come up recently where friends, not really joking but pretending they were, said something about watching their two kids for the weekend and we could trade off. My DS and their DD are both 2. Their youngest is 10 months and I would be terrified to take her of her, especially with two 2-year olds! I actually would be open to that kind of thing when their youngest is older. But not now.

I don't think they want you to take the five year old only since their goal is free babysitting. *If* you would feel comfortable doing this when their two year old is older - - like 4 or 5 - - you can always tell them you aren't sure you can handle it now but in two or three years it would probably work well. If you aren't I would just tell them you adore their two year old but you would be too nervous with that many kids for an overnight, especially since the two year old needs some special care.

[vonfirmath]

I'm also not sure that the parents should be gone for a first sleepover. What if things go wrong? you are not babysitting. You need to be able to call the parents and have them pick the child up if the child is not yet ready to sleep all night at your place!

[stefani]

Etiquette or no etiquette, I am not comfortable taking a 2-year-old. So, DS (who is 6) has had friends close the same age (5 and 6) sleepover at our house, but I didn't take the siblings. Honestly I told the parents that I am just not comfortable taking care of anyone under 5.

GL!

[KrisM]

I also wouldn't take the 2 year old. If DS went on a sleepover, I would never consider sending DD and DS2. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to do so and the only person I can see doing a sleepover with has a DD within about 6 months of mine.

[jerigirl]

IMO this arrangement (in their mind) isn't a sleepover it is babysitting. I would bet they expect you to take both kids. Personally this doesn't sound like a good night to try a first sleepover. What if it doesn't work. The kid(s) are stuck at your house or the parents will have to come home early.

[1964pandora]

Um, yes, bad etiquette! I agree with everything above! It's one thing if you have agreed to a babysitting swap, but they are making a sleepover into a babysitting.

[MMMommy]

I don't think siblings would normally be included in a sleepover, and 2 years old seems young for that kind of thing. That is a lot of responsibility, especially with the parents being "unreachable" and at a party. I would say "no" to the 2 year old and maybe explain that you and DH aren't comfortable with that, as the 2 year old might get sad and homesick for his own parents.