My ex-boyfriend FB friended my sister????

[SammyeGail]

WTH?? My ex-boyfriend, who I dated about 4.5 years, we broke up in 1997, sent a facebook friend request to my sister. I don't know if thats worse or the fact that she accepted it!

I sent her a joking mssg like 'Whyyyy, oh Whyyy did you become FB friends with XXX??? How could you do that to me??? ROFL!!!!' She writes back and says he sent her a request (like 2-3 days ago), she thought it was odd but just accepted it.

Thanks alot. So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!

This freak literally stalked me for a over a year after we broke up. Wacko letters. He said that since we had talked about marriage in front of other people, had preformed the act of consummation of marriage, according to the Bible we were married. So my new marriage to (current) DH was not valid in God's eyes. He would sent letters to my parents house, addressed to 'THE ADULTERESS'. To my parents house!!

I still have them, I should scan them, put them on facebook and let them be visible to EVERYONE!!

My sister still lives in my hometown, he does too, she is an elementary school librarian, he's a HS teacher, at first I thought they still ran into each other, but it really ticks me off that she accepted his invite when she thought it was 'odd'.

He's married, has a daughter 1 month younger than my boys (his settings aren't on private) and just had a baby boy. I just don't understand why he did it, we broke up 12 freaking year ago, if he wanted to ask me anything he could send me a mssg.

He even somehow has my email address. When my mother passed away 11-08 he sent an email in Dec that only said 'My wife and I send our regrets'. I was really hurting, and that stung so much. He knew my mother. Thats all he could say??? I replied back and totally ripped him a new one, like a page long, well, maybe thats why he wouldn't send me a mssg on FB, lol!! What stung so much about that email about my mothers death was it was so sterile, he could have sent something just from him that had at least 2 sentences, his wife did not know my mother, and if he wanted to include his wife, put her freaking name!!! To me it was more disrespectful that he excluded it, if that makes sense.

I will be honest and say I've wondered about him and how he's doing, the last time I had talked to him was 2001 I think. I'm not innocent because I found out what school he worked at (my other sister told me) and each staff member had their own page, thats how I found out he finally got married and had a DD. I was really happy for him. In my defense, I only looked once.

I just think the way he did the facebook thing was sneaky, I guess 'shady' is the new slang . I checked, he and my sister don't have any mutual friends.

There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him

I wonder what his wife will think if she sees it before he does....

[smiles33]

Whoa, that is really weird! I'd be annoyed if my sister had accepted a friend request knowing that history. Plus, if he's that obsessive/psycho back then, I would actually change your profile settings to 1) block his access to your photos 2) block his access to your wall posts and status updates and 3) DEFINITELY block his access to info. You can either specifically exclude him from everything or just limit all your info to ONLY FRIENDS (this assumes he doesn't accept your friend request).

If he does accept your friend request, you should still consider definitely excluding him. I reluctantly accepted a friend request from my old PSYCHO boss but excluded her from seeing anything but my Profile photo and lists of other friends. To her, my FB page was just blank as if I didn't use the site.

Anyhow, I still wonder why he friended your sister. Just weird.

[maestramommy]

Ack!! I know there are ways you can keep him from seeing any of your stuff. unfortunately I'm not savvy enough to know exactly how. I think it has something to do with your settings and and what you do when you post pics and such.

[edurnemk]

If he does accept your friend request, you can put him into the "Limited profile" list or make a specific list for undesirables like him and determine exactly what he can see on your FB page.

If he doesn't accept the request, you can change your settings so that only friends can see your details. So even if he can access your sisters FB page, he won't see anything but your name and profile picture on her friend list, with no access to your profile page.

And to your sister! It's not just any ex, it's a whakco ex!

[BabyMine]

I'd ask her to unfriend him.

[Toba]

OMG ... run away. Seriously. Ask your sister to delete him as a friend and then take your friend request back (I believe you can do that). And then block him and his wife, if you know who she is (because he could always look you up on her account, KWIM?).

One of my first boyfriends ever sent me a friend request last year when I was a FB newbie. I thought it was odd too, told DH about it and DH said he didn't care if I was "friends" with him, but there would be no face-to-face contact that he would tolerate. I admit that I got drawn in ... he was my first in almost everything (except the "big" thing, IYKWM) and we sat up late at night to chat (DH knew, but his wife did not). I found out their marriage was very rocky, both had cheated on each other, he was very lonely because he was a homebody and his wife goes out clubbing all the time (maybe you shouldn't have gotten married at 18/19 years old), and he was just way too interested in my life. He was really sweet in the beginning and would send me messages like, "Today's so beautiful out, make sure you go outside and enjoy the sun and play with your boy." Things QUICKLY got out of control and by the end, I was looking over my shoulder everywhere. He knew exactly where we live (he knows my DH and I was unaware until I started having the problems with him that DH and he hated each other) because my phone number is listed, so we're in the phone book. He told me one day that he was looking for a blue minivan when he drove by a new park that I took my son to ... that was the end. I HAVE a blue minivan and how the HELL did he know what park I was at?? Yeah, freaky. I stopped all communication, deleted him as a friend (strangely enough, around the same time his wife sent my DH a friend request ... my DH, me and the ex's wife were all in the same graduating class at the same HS, the ex was a year ahead at the same school, so we all know each other). DH knew everything (I have to admit that I was mad that he didn't tell me about the bad blood (which was over DH's younger sister) from the beginning) and was ready to confront him. I talked him down because I didn't want to egg the ex on. Then I started getting late night cell phone calls from an unknown phone number and weird, off the wall texts (for a short period of time, I had my cell phone number listed on my FB profile; newbie mistake/stupidity ... now my FB account is on pretty much max privacy). It's been about 6-7 months since I've talked to him last and I'm still getting weird texts and calls (much more sporadically now) and I am STILL looking over my shoulder. I have him, his wife and his two kids blocked from even seeing me on FB now. Totally creeped out. Trust me, let the past stay in the past. It's so not worth it.

[R2sweetboys]

[QUOTE] There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him [QUOTE]

I'll be honest, why on Earth would you friend him just to "aggravate him"? First you say, "So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!" Then you say that YOU friended HIM? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm guessing that your sister accepted the request b/c it's been so many years since your drama with him(and yes, I do think he acted irrationally back then!Yikes!). Is it possible that your initial instinct was to be a little jealous that he "friended" your sister and not you? I'm really not trying to be confrontational, just keepin' it real. At this point, he sounds like he's moved on with his life as have you. I'd leave it at that and maybe use the FB security tools to limit the info he can see about you.

[SammyeGail]

[QUOTE=R2sweetboys;2665243][QUOTE] There's my bitch. I sent him a friend request just to aggravate him

I'll be honest, why on Earth would you friend him just to "aggravate him"? First you say, "So now he can see anything I post. I'm sure thats the exact reason he did it, or to show up as my sisters friend so I would see it and his post. Geez!!!" Then you say that YOU friended HIM? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm guessing that your sister accepted the request b/c it's been so many years since your drama with him(and yes, I do think he acted irrationally back then!Yikes!). Is it possible that your initial instinct was to be a little jealous that he "friended" your sister and not you? I'm really not trying to be confrontational, just keepin' it real. At this point, he sounds like he's moved on with his life as have you. I'd leave it at that and maybe use the FB security tools to limit the info he can see about you.

I wanted to say I see your point and don't find it confrontational at all. True, after I saw it I might have felt a bit miffed or snubbed, or like that he could have sent me a mssg to say 'hi, how are you' or something. I can admit now it brought out feelings in me. I want to ask him why he treated me the way he did. I wish he would say he learned from that and that he's sorry. I do have issues of still 'never being good enough' that are affecting DH and I's marriage currently, I have alot of health issues I am trying to get thru. I get migraines alot and everytime I get one I can hear ex saying 'No other guy out there would ever be able to tolerate your migraines like I do' and I feel soooo guilty. I am constantly beating myself up inside because I can't do what I used to, DH has to do so much more around the house. I have been to so much therapy in my life, lol, but I guess that mindset is still embedded in my sub-conscience somewhere, if that makes sense.

I agree that he and I have both moved on with our lives, but he searched out my maiden name, thats how he found my sister, I triple checked, they have no mutual friends. She just went thru a horrid divorce, 21 years of marriage to her HS sweetheart who got on meth while waiting on a great job to land in his lap and became abusive. Its not like I would accept a friend request from him, ever. I'm sure ex couldn't find me because I live in another state unless I mentioned it in the reply email after his sterile one about my mothers death.

Ugh, sorry to ramble again!!

[StarringU]

and you better believe IM pissed! I cant even believe she would do that. WHY? WHY would she even want to look at his ugly face after all the crap he did to me? And I mean domestic violence. I lived in hell for 10 years!! And she knew it . She actually helped rescue me from this. She dont "get" why Im harboring a grudge , she says and refuses to remove him!! What the heck!!???/
I have done my best to get out from under this man's control for almost 20 years now and yes i have to see him occassionally at our grown kids parties etc ..but though i manage a cordial squeak hello, that would be it. Whats the use of fighting ? But on the other hand why would my sister whom I have looked up to all my life want to do this to me?? DOnt she know this is a thorn in my side? Dont she know that all the hurts of the past come flooding back??

I dont get it !

[SammyeGail]

Starring U,

I just checked the internet for the day and got your email. Yes, it is hurtful, I had to re-check my settings to make sure they were on 'friends only' and if my sister commented on anything I posted I knew he could see it.

What was the worst is that his settings were on 'friends of friends' so I would catch myself looking at his page, he was very active on FB. His comments were still very far out there.....

With my sister being the way she is, getting mad at you but not expressing it, never knowing how to ask her, about 2 weeks ago I finally did. There was more to it, but I told her that he had done alot to me that she probably didn't know about, the worse being a snide email after our mother passed away. If she runs into him and enjoys his post thats fine, its her FB , but it would mean alot to me if she would un-friend him.

I then told her about a friend request I got from a lady I was actually friends with in HS 6+ months ago. I saw that she was friends with her (my sister's) ex-H so I had to write her and tell her I would love to chat and catch up, but for my sisters privacy, because I wasn't 100% sure how FB security worked, if she was friends with xyz, I couldn't accept her friends request.

I recapped that it was her FB and she could be friends with anyone she wanted to, I respected that, but if she would consider un-friending him it would be deeply appreciated!

She was online at the time and sent me a message back that she deleted him. That she never sees or talks to him, she didn't know about FB security and that he could see info on me, or her ex on her! I thanked her profusely!

If she had not un-friended him I would have been very, very peeved. Yes I said its her FB and I respected that, but it was more like 'its your FB, you do what you want....', LOL.

I'm very relieved that I am not tempted to look at his page anymore! Phew! DH has a mutual friend with his ex-wife and he looks at her page sometimes, she has about 15+ friends which include her DD, DH, step-children, their spouses and her dog. It doesn't bother me any because he does it out of amusement, its not very active, I can log into his account and look anytime I want also, I just don't care too.

I do feel your pain Starring U!!