After my Dad died last year, the kindest thing ppl did for me was allow me to speak. I appreciated the initial condolences, but when someone just allowed me to have silence or decide how things were going to progress, it was so comforting.
I wasn't even crying once when relaying to a friend that my father had passed. I was just being very matter-of-fact. She told me we wouldn't be talking about him, she didn't want me upset. It was like a slap in the face. I knew *she* didn't want to be upset, it had nothing to do with being a friend to me. I let go of our friendship that day and have no regrets.
A friend's dad died late last year too. We'd speak on the phone and she'd just cry sometimes. It's a hard thing to do, but its sometimes all that's needed.
There's so much pressure these days to get on with one's life. Just being allowed a little time to grieve and allow the feelings to come to the surface is so important. Just allowing your friend to cry was probably one of the kindest things anyone did for her.
dd1 10/2004 prenatal stroke survivor w/ speech delay and dysarthria
dd2 02/2007 asthma