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  1. #1
    sste is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Ever given your DC a material item/outing to make up for family or social loss?

    Wondering how bad this is on the scale of parenting no-nos. And whether others have found themselves getting their DC a gift or trip in response to a personal loss or social problems/rejection?

    Our situation is that 2.75 y/o ds's grandmother (long story) does not want to see him anymore. He used to talk to her several times a week and he loved flying to New York to visit. Anyway, since our last trip out there in June, DS has mentioned at least weekly, often daily, that he wants to fly again to New York to visit grandma. I have tried to fob him off with "Grandma is too sick to visit right now" but DS has an incredible ability to perseverate.

    Finally, last night I said in desperation when the fly to new york came up for the 100th time, "We can fly to Seattle. We can fly to China. We can fly to see Mickey Mouse." There was complete silence. Then, "We fly to see Mickey Mouse?" DS is not going to forget this and I think the odds are now quite high we will be going to the land of the mouse in the next 6-8 months . . .

    Has anyone else succumbed to guilt in this way? And how bad is it (truthfully) for one's DC? I am worried about spoiling DS but part of me does feel with that with the sh*tty extended family he was dealt its not the worst thing to provide some extra fun and trips.
    ds 2007
    dd 2010
    baby dd 2014

  2. #2
    arivecchi is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Default

    If you want to do a family trip and this would that trip, sure! I would be wary of giving your DS the impression that he can get everything he asks for though. We are having that problem with DS1. He thinks he can acquire any toy that he wants. We have recently had to put our foot down and explain that there are other kids that are less fortunate and the we cannot always buy everything.

    About not seeing your mom, I think I would try to have another conversation with him about that issue rather than distracting him with the trip. I think your DS is quite capable of understanding. I am not sure how you finesse the reasons, but I am sure you can find a reasonable way to explain it.

    It's a tough one. I wish you luck.
    DS1 2006
    DS2 2009

  3. #3
    jenfromnj is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default

    DS is too young to have this issue just yet, so I have no good advice, but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this! We are in a similar situation, and it's awful.

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