Birthday Party Do-Nots

[sste]

OK, since I have birthday parties on the brain recently and want to avoid a toddler/preschooler disaster birthday scenario of my own this fall, I was wondering what everyone has seen that has NOT worked well.

For me, a 2-3 y/o birthday party I attended a few months ago: Timing from 9-11 so not expecting a meal and host just ordered pastries and donuts for the kids only, no adults (ehhh, but not a big deal and who knows times may be tight).

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I was really taken aback by this . . . though perhaps it is not so unusual (??) or I think the (seemingly very nice) parents didn't think it through in advance.

Anyway, what things do you think have not worked well in practice?

[lizzywednesday]

No, if you're going to have cake, you have enough cake for everybody, IMO.

ESPECIALLY when it's kids under 10.

[khalloc]

Wow! Who would only have birthday cake for their kid and not for any of the other children they invited?

[Melaine]

Wow! I can see someone might think that was a great idea.....if they'd never met any children.

My contribution is: Don't throw a "no-gift" party and then forget to tell your closest friend it is going to be "no-gifts".

[wellyes]

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I've seen that before, particularly for parents who want to give their kids the chance to dig in hands-first, but only when there is a larger cake for everyone else!

My do-not: water balloons. At least warn parents first! Not only did it require a change of clothes, it also got the ground so muddy that it wrecked both outfits for good.

[kbud]

When I was about 7 or 8 mom thought a gift exchange would be fun. She always felt parties were greedy so if everyone brought a gift we'd pick numbers that corresponded with a gift. Everyone would then go home with a gift. Well, I got a gift I didn't like and all my friends left with gifts I would have rather had and it was my party. Needless to say she didn't try that again!

[TwoBees]

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I was really taken aback by this . . . though perhaps it is not so unusual (??) or I think the (seemingly very nice) parents didn't think it through in advance.

THat's incredibly rude and tacky IMO.

[Fairy]

No cake for the guests? TACKY beyond measure.

Here's a brief list from me, but I'm not the norm, clearly, from what I've read on this board. And, I am just about to post a thread about my own bday party challenges shortly, so ... who knows. But here's a short list:

* DO provide food for all. I don't care what time it is, and I don't care if it's a meal or snacks, but FEED EVERYONE, including adults.

* DO send out real live invitations, and plan to have to follow up, cuz people are not going to RSVP when you ask them to.

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.

* DO NOT put the invites in the parent folders if you do end up not inviting everyone. I know it's a pain in the ass to mail them, but if you don't include eveyrone, this is going to be a potential mine field.

* DO NOT get the plastic bag o'crap for the goodie bag. No one needs that stuff in their house, it always gets forgotten and ends up in the corners of the room collecting dust. Get something more practical and useful, like coloring books, bubbles, sidewalk chalk. Cost is comparable or less than the plastic bag o'crap. Now, I never ever do that stuff, personally, but that's just me, and I seem to be an army of one on that standard. And that's ok. that's actually my quandary this year, actually.

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.

Hope this helps!

[TwoBees]

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.

I'm curious, why not? We always opened the gifts at birthday parties when I was a kid (and at my friend' parties as well). That was a while ago though.

[sste]

Fairy, does evite count as a real live invite? We primarily use evite (with paper invites to people whose email we don't know) because it reminds people periodically to rsvp and its environmentally friendly.

As for me, I hope I don't sound snarky about the no-cake, b-day party. I am sure the party itself involved some expense since they had it at a kids playroom and they did invite the whole class plus their outside friends. And I am generally delighted to be invited, esp. if it is one of DS's friends and I can get to know the family. But, at almost 3 DS VERY much connects birthday party with birthday cake (one of his favorite parts of the party) - - he was basically 34 pounds of righteous toddler indignation over not getting any cake. In desperation to de-claw him from birthday child/her birthday cake we had to promise to take him to a bakery right after the party!