Please calm me down, feeling some mixed emotions about new school....

[gatorsmom]

So, as some of you may remember, we just moved to a new town to be closer to my dad who is going through chemo for advanced bladder cancer. And my boys started a new school today. Gator is 7yo, is in first grade (summer birthday that we held back) and he's a sensitive kid. He is very sociable and loves making new friends. But he's not all that confident in school. At his last school, he was doing great. But I'd always had some concern that that school was behind. I mean, he was in first grade and very slowly starting to read. He would bring home a weekly assignment to learn 6 new words which he'd be tested on on Fridays. The words were ones like cat, find, like, this, pond.

Well, the boys started their new school today. And Cha Cha fits in PreK GREAT. Absolutely no concerns. But Gator came home with a group of spelling words to learn to be tested on TOMORROW. The words are bathtub, footprint, bedtime, eggshell, pancake, weekend and done. Also, the math is advanced and they have timed drills. The drills aren't graded, but I could see how they'd make him feel like a failure if he's not doing as well as he would like. Also, he wants to make friends and he's aware that he's not doing as well as the other kids are doing.

So, we did his homework tonight. He's exhausted and frustrated. The words are hard and the math is too advanced for him. This school philosophy is a great fit for us. It's a conservative Catholic school which fits with our religious beliefs perfectly. It's very small and his class size is 7 kids. But the work is advanced for him. I want to work with him and get him up to speed but part of me is saying get him out of there NOW before his confidence is shot. Part of me is saying home school him to get him up to speed. But he's such a social kid he NEEDS lots of social interaction.

I am tired, frustrated with myself and emotionally exhausted (spent the morning with my dad at chemotherapy) and was worried all day long about their first day of school. Also, I got 6 hours of sleep last night. And Gator was exhausted too. So, when we were doing his homework toniight, he wasn't trying as hard as he could, I was getting worried, and I freaked a bit and said, 'well, maybe you will need to go back to Kindergarten at this new school." Well, he nearly started crying and said he didn't want to go to kindergarten. I calmed down and promised him we'd work together to get him up to speed and he'd do great because he's such a smart kid and this is just a different school. Then he went to bed.

Ugh!!! Advice? comments? Suggestions? Please don't beat me up about snapping at him and saying he'd need to go back to Kindergarten. I know it was the wrong thing to say. I know I need to be more patient. It was just a hard day for everyone.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Hopefully with the small class size they will be willing to work with your family to help him get where he needs to be by setting realistic goals. I'd schedule a conference ASAP and discuss your concerns. They need to find a way to accommodate him where he is for a while, imo.

Beth

[lmh2402]

to you and gator

sounds like a super hard day all around.

but tomorrow is a new day and i think PP's idea - of a conference ASAP to discuss realistic goals for him at this point and time - is a great one.

give him a few extra kisses tonight when you check on him

it will all be ok

[sste]

Lisa, for you, I really think don't homeschool. You have four kids, including twins, a major move, and you are a primary caretaker for your dad end of life. That is already too much!

Can you frame it to your son as this school/class has learned "different things, different math" etc. than he has learned rather than they are ahead, he is behind. And now he needs to learn the different math but it is going to take some time so don't get upset. Would he accept all of this?

[bubbaray]

Lisa, for you, I really think don't homeschool. You have four kids, including twins, a major move, and you are a primary caretaker for your dad end of life. That is already too much!

Can you frame it to your son as this school/class has learned "different things, different math" etc. than he has learned rather than they are ahead, he is behind. And now he needs to learn the different math but it is going to take some time so don't get upset. Would he accept all of this?

I would also talk to the teacher ASAP and let her know about your concerns. With such a small class size, s/he should be able to deal with it right away.

[ahisma]

You've gotten some great advice, I just wanted to comment on the spelling test. Are you sure that it was a "test". My DD always got her words on Monday, pretest on Tuesday, and real test (for those that didn't test out via pretest) on Friday. Most kids did the Friday test, no stigma or anything. You may well have 4 more nights to work on those words.

[gatorsmom]

You've gotten some great advice, I just wanted to comment on the spelling test. Are you sure that it was a "test". My DD always got her words on Monday, pretest on Tuesday, and real test (for those that didn't test out via pretest) on Friday. Most kids did the Friday test, no stigma or anything. You may well have 4 more nights to work on those words.

No, unfortunately, he will be tested on those words tomorrow. For Wednesday he needs to learn myself, gumdrop, setup, cupcake, backpack, upon, and love. For Thursdday he needs to learn endless, softly, sadness, likely, spotless, illness, and school. For Friday he needs to learn gladly, restless, redness, hatless, goodness, gladly, and only.

[kijip]

Hugs. This sounds hard.

There are a couple of possibilities besides homeschooling:

Switch schools to a place with a 1st grade mor elike he was in.

Perhaps hire a tutor to help him with his homework. You have a ton going on and it can be very hard to teach your own child sometimes even in the best of circumstances. And it sounds like he really needs the school social stuff to thrive. You are under a lot of stress. When my mom was very ill with her cancer and we were being her sole caregivers for a long time, I know I got on a very short fuse with T sometimes. I think it actually really impacted him in the aggregate, as did her whole illness and death, though we have worked past at least the me getting angry with him part of it. Another thing I will say is that I don't think his classmates will refuse to be friends with him because they are a little bit ahead of him in some, and it sounds like limited, academic ways. Kids don't care at that age IMO. If anything I noticed that friendships would form when kids would help their peers learn something.

[almostamom]

Lisa, before you make any decisions, please go talk to the teacher and let her know your concerns. As a teacher, I would want to know if a student of mine was struggling, frustrated, etc. I started teaching almost 20 years ago, and I've never had every single student in class on the same spelling list or at the same place in math. It is our job to accommodate and differentiate instruction to meet the needs of all of the students so that they can be successful.

Linda

[misshollygolightly]

I agree--talk with his teacher as soon as possible. With such a small class size, surely the teacher would be willing to work with him a bit to bring him up to speed. At the very least, the teacher should be aware of the gap between what he'd been doing at his old school and what he's doing now...surely there can be some sort of a grace period or something so he isn't being tested on his second day of school over things he's totally unfamiliar with. It sounds like you really like this school and are ok with the level of academics (you say you suspected the old school might not be up to par), so I think it would probably be worthwhile to work with his teacher and, over the next month, see if you can help him adjust to this new school and new level of expectation.

Disclaimer: my son is not yet in school, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I'm sure some more seasoned moms will weigh in!