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  1. #1
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default Please calm me down, feeling some mixed emotions about new school....

    So, as some of you may remember, we just moved to a new town to be closer to my dad who is going through chemo for advanced bladder cancer. And my boys started a new school today. Gator is 7yo, is in first grade (summer birthday that we held back) and he's a sensitive kid. He is very sociable and loves making new friends. But he's not all that confident in school. At his last school, he was doing great. But I'd always had some concern that that school was behind. I mean, he was in first grade and very slowly starting to read. He would bring home a weekly assignment to learn 6 new words which he'd be tested on on Fridays. The words were ones like cat, find, like, this, pond.

    Well, the boys started their new school today. And Cha Cha fits in PreK GREAT. Absolutely no concerns. But Gator came home with a group of spelling words to learn to be tested on TOMORROW. The words are bathtub, footprint, bedtime, eggshell, pancake, weekend and done. Also, the math is advanced and they have timed drills. The drills aren't graded, but I could see how they'd make him feel like a failure if he's not doing as well as he would like. Also, he wants to make friends and he's aware that he's not doing as well as the other kids are doing.

    So, we did his homework tonight. He's exhausted and frustrated. The words are hard and the math is too advanced for him. This school philosophy is a great fit for us. It's a conservative Catholic school which fits with our religious beliefs perfectly. It's very small and his class size is 7 kids. But the work is advanced for him. I want to work with him and get him up to speed but part of me is saying get him out of there NOW before his confidence is shot. Part of me is saying home school him to get him up to speed. But he's such a social kid he NEEDS lots of social interaction.

    I am tired, frustrated with myself and emotionally exhausted (spent the morning with my dad at chemotherapy) and was worried all day long about their first day of school. Also, I got 6 hours of sleep last night. And Gator was exhausted too. So, when we were doing his homework toniight, he wasn't trying as hard as he could, I was getting worried, and I freaked a bit and said, 'well, maybe you will need to go back to Kindergarten at this new school." Well, he nearly started crying and said he didn't want to go to kindergarten. I calmed down and promised him we'd work together to get him up to speed and he'd do great because he's such a smart kid and this is just a different school. Then he went to bed.

    Ugh!!! Advice? comments? Suggestions? Please don't beat me up about snapping at him and saying he'd need to go back to Kindergarten. I know it was the wrong thing to say. I know I need to be more patient. It was just a hard day for everyone.
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #2
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Hopefully with the small class size they will be willing to work with your family to help him get where he needs to be by setting realistic goals. I'd schedule a conference ASAP and discuss your concerns. They need to find a way to accommodate him where he is for a while, imo.

    Beth

  3. #3
    lmh2402's Avatar
    lmh2402 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    to you and gator

    sounds like a super hard day all around.

    but tomorrow is a new day and i think PP's idea - of a conference ASAP to discuss realistic goals for him at this point and time - is a great one.

    give him a few extra kisses tonight when you check on him

    it will all be ok
    mama to my awesome sporty boy (4/09) , precocious little girl (7/12) , and loving doggies (10/05 & 1/14)

  4. #4
    sste is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Lisa, for you, I really think don't homeschool. You have four kids, including twins, a major move, and you are a primary caretaker for your dad end of life. That is already too much!

    Can you frame it to your son as this school/class has learned "different things, different math" etc. than he has learned rather than they are ahead, he is behind. And now he needs to learn the different math but it is going to take some time so don't get upset. Would he accept all of this?
    ds 2007
    dd 2010
    baby dd 2014

  5. #5
    Raidra is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    First of all, cut yourself some slack.. you're under a lot of stress and it's perfectly normal to snap. Apologize and move on.

    I'm a homeschooler, so you know where I'm coming from. Have you talked to the teacher about your concerns? I would imagine that she'd have ideas on how to help him catch up. I don't remember how long you said you're planning on being in the area (I do remember you posting about possibly HSing a while back, tho). Would it be possible to keep him out of school for a few weeks or months to catch up, then put him back in? Or would that be pointless, since this is a temporary situation? I'm sorry, I just don't remember the details.

    As a HSer, my main goal is to foster and nurture my kids' love of learning.. so I would be really hesitant to keep my kid in a situation that might put that at jeopardy. Some kids wouldn't be phased by being behind the other kids, and some will. You obviously know your son best. Have you looked into homeschool groups in the area? In many areas, there are TONS of social opportunities for HSers. You could also meet his social needs through sports or other classes.

    Anyway. I wouldn't get too worked up. Get yourself some rest, and talk to the teacher to see how they plan on getting him caught up. I would assume that with such a small class size, they would be able to accommodate him.

  6. #6
    almostamom is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Lisa, before you make any decisions, please go talk to the teacher and let her know your concerns. As a teacher, I would want to know if a student of mine was struggling, frustrated, etc. I started teaching almost 20 years ago, and I've never had every single student in class on the same spelling list or at the same place in math. It is our job to accommodate and differentiate instruction to meet the needs of all of the students so that they can be successful.

    Linda

  7. #7
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    I agree--talk with his teacher as soon as possible. With such a small class size, surely the teacher would be willing to work with him a bit to bring him up to speed. At the very least, the teacher should be aware of the gap between what he'd been doing at his old school and what he's doing now...surely there can be some sort of a grace period or something so he isn't being tested on his second day of school over things he's totally unfamiliar with. It sounds like you really like this school and are ok with the level of academics (you say you suspected the old school might not be up to par), so I think it would probably be worthwhile to work with his teacher and, over the next month, see if you can help him adjust to this new school and new level of expectation.

    Disclaimer: my son is not yet in school, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I'm sure some more seasoned moms will weigh in!
    Mom to J 6/25/08 and M 6/21/11

  8. #8
    swrc00 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    First of all, you are going through a lot and I totally understand where your comment was coming from. Don't beat yourself over it. When DH was doing his radiation, I hated the things I said to DS. I was exhausted and he missed his daddy. I had no patience.
    I agree with PP about scheduling the conference. As a teacher I think that is the best thing to do. Maybe DS can have less words on his list until he adjusts. Do you think he misunderstood and maybe tomorrow is just the pretest? With seven kids in the class the teacher should be able to provide extra attention to DS. I would also mention to the teacher about your dad and the move. It helps a lot when a teacher knows what is going on. She can provide some extra TLC. HTH

  9. #9
    kedss is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I'd try talking to his teacher, and see if there is a way to get him help if you think that would help. My son is in 1st grade, and we were able to get him into a one on one reading program at school, maybe there is someway to get help through the school. I know my son does better working one on one with someone else, other than me.


    Kate
    mom to C, 12/03, H, 06/08 and R, 4/11

    "When a woman says "What?" It's not because she didn't hear you. Its because she's giving you a chance to change what you said." ~Author Unknown(posting on FB)

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  10. #10
    wimama's Avatar
    wimama is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Hopefully with the small class size they will be willing to work with your family to help him get where he needs to be by setting realistic goals. I'd schedule a conference ASAP and discuss your concerns. They need to find a way to accommodate him where he is for a while, imo.

    Beth
    Call his teacher right away to schedule a conference with her. She needs to know where he is at academically. With a small class size I think she will be willing to work with him. I would want to address the issue with his teacher before he gets more frustrated. And, hugs to you. You have a lot on your plate right now.
    Amy -
    J - Spring 2006
    E - September 2011

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