Would you be mad if someone didn't come to your baby shower because....

[sewarsh]

I'm invited to a good friend from college baby shower.
She's in my group of 8 or so friends from college that are still close, but I do not have the closest relationship with her.

For instance, she lives 20 minutes away and we haven't seen each other more than 2x in probably 6 months. She's probably called me once in 3 months and I the same.

Anyways, DH is away the day of her shower and I'm not interested in dropping $40 on a sitter for 3-4 hours while I go to baby shower (kids not invited). I RSVPs to sister and emailed her personally, said i was sorry, disappointed, etc. and asked that we get togehter one night for dinner to celebrate before baby comes.

Its been almost 10 days and I haven't had a respnose to my email and she's always the type of person who responds ASAP. (and the type of person who gets upset over this sort of thing...)

I'm comfortable with my decision, but wanted to see how others would feel.

MORE BACKGROUND IN POST #17.

[katydid1971]

Honestly I would be a little hurt. I understand not wanting to put the money out but is there any other child care solution you could come up with, family or friends, maybe sharing a sitter with someone else who is going to the shower.

[WolfpackMom]

I agree with PP, to be totally honest I would also be hurt. If I was one of the other 6 friends from your group of college friends I would be hurt for her as well. You may not see her super often, but you even term her as a "good friend." I would find a childcare solution and attend.

[arivecchi]

If she's a good friend, I would make it happen. I would not be happy if a good friend skipped out on my baby shower.

[Binkandabee]

I would be hurt. I don't see my friends as often as I'd like, but we are friends nonetheless and I would absolutely be there for them for big events like a baby shower.

[JTsMom]

I would be hurt too.

[daniele_ut]

I would definitely be hurt if a good friend skipped out on my baby shower for that reason, even if I hadn't seen her all that often recently. I flew across the country 1 week before my own wedding to attend the wedding of a childhood friend I only see once or twice a year, though, because I still consider her a good friend, so take my opinion FWIW.

[elliput]

I think I would have made the same decision as you, and I am very glad you are comfortable with it.

You didn't say specifically, but is the first child for your college friend? My guess is that she thinks that you of all people should be there since you already have a child. What she doesn't understand (and won't until after her child is here) is how much of one's social life is put on the back burner. Most likely, she's ticked off right now, but give her a few months to figure it out. Hopefully, she'll come around.

[niccig]

Well, it would depend on how you worded it. Did you say you don't want to pay for a babysitter? The friend is then thinking that your friendship isn't worth $40.

If you did the white lie and say..we have other plans. Then maybe. But for a good friend, who I have known for years, I would go to the shower. I would see it as me time, get away from the house and kids and hang with college friends that I don't normally get to see much because we're all so busy.

[minnie-zb]

I might be disappointed, but I wouldn't be mad. Plus you reached out and said you would like to get together and honestly there will better quality time together if it is just the two of you at dinner.

Maybe a couple of days before the shower send another note saying how sorry you are you will miss the shower, you are thinking of her and reiterate your invitation to dinner.