wwyd: three year old very upset about japan

[sste]

Apropos of the tv watching thread, our babysitter (not our normal nanny) turned on the news during the japan earthquake with DS there. I will of course mention to her no news in the future but she is extremely loving and responsible - - I think in the panic she didn't think this through and just flipped the tv on for a few minutes to see what was going on.

In any event, for five days DS has been asking about Japan multiple times per day and is visibly worried about it. He says over and over, "The people were hurt but they will be all fixed better at hospital, right? RIGHT?" or he runs around muttering about how they need to fix the houses, they need builders like bob the builder, and asking us anxiously if the houses will all be fixed.

I can tell he has pinpointed the problem - - not all the people and houses can be fixed - - and he is trying to reassure himself that that is not the case and everything will be OK. What do I tell him? Do I lie and say everyone will be OK and all the houses and people will be fixed? He is only three.

[egoldber]

I would tell him that there are many, many people working very hard to make sure everyone will have a place to live and to rebuild their towns. But these are grown up jobs and responsibilities and grown-ups will take care of it. If he likes, your family can make a donation to help the people of Japan.

I would not share any more than that, and in fact, I would cut him off about it after a few minutes of discussion. Talking too much about something often serves only to reinforce their fear.

When he brings it up again (and he will), I would say something like, "Remember how we said that the grown-ups were helping? Well, they are still working hard. And remember, this is something for grown-ups to worry about."

[TwinFoxes]

Oh, this breaks my heart. I have no advice. Maybe tell him something like "in Japan earthquakes are much more common, so they know how to fix things really well after they have one. They're champs at fixing things!" So, not lying, because I think it is true, but not telling him the whole truth.

I remember there was a fire that we drove by when I was around three, it freaked me out for a long time, and I think my parents were a little bit too truthful about it.

[Tondi G]

I would tell him they will have a lot of work ahead of them and yes they will build new houses for the people who's homes were damaged or lost. Reassure him that all the people there will be ok and that they are all working together to rebuild and take care of each other. I wouldn't hesitate to sugar coat things for a 3 year old. If he thinks all is well and that everything is being taken care of then the idea of it all will pass and he will be able to move on to something else.

[JTsMom]

I would tell him that there are many, many people working very hard to make sure everyone will have a place to live and to rebuild their towns. But these are grown up jobs and responsibilities and grown-ups will take care of it. If he likes, your family can make a donation to help the people of Japan.

I would not share any more than that, and in fact, I would cut him off about it after a few minutes of discussion. Talking too much about something often serves only to reinforce their fear.

When he brings it up again (and he will), I would say something like, "Remember how we said that the grown-ups were helping? Well, they are still working hard. And remember, this is something for grown-ups to worry about."

I think this is perfect.

[sste]

Thank you everyone! Beth, that is a brilliant script. I am going to use that tonight - - maybe even in advance of his daily mention, I will tell him that there is good news that grown ups from all over the world have gone to Japan and are working hard to rebuild and fix everything. And about grownups worrying about it and it being their job to worry about it.

I feel better that you all think 100% honesty is not called for here.

I don't know if you all remember my thread about DS's imaginary husband but another possible corollary of this stupid footage is that DS's husband changed during this time frame from being a ph.d to being an orthopedist!! When I asked him about his husband a few days ago he said "he IS a hospital doctor now . . . he fixes bones." I don't know if it is japan-related or if DS just decided to take a huge leap up the doctor-title payscale! Or his grandmother broke her wrist a few months ago, so maybe/hopefully it is that. But why right now?

[egoldber]

I don't know that I would worry so much about the imaginary DR friend. Given that your DH is a physician, I think that is normal and kind of cute.

It also may help him process stuff that he hears around the house (shop talk) through play. Which is normal and fine.

ETA: And I have had many years practice developing scripts. Learned too late not to have NPR on in the car.....

[vonfirmath]

I WOULD reassure him.

My sister had 9-11 coverage on when my niece was 2 (and newly 2. She turned 2 on 9-13-2001). It took them nearly 4 years to realize the night terrors that started shortly thereafter were of people falling out of windows...