WOHM to SAHM when kids start school?

[smiles33]

One of my FB friends announced she is going to be a SAHM now that her youngest is starting kindergarten. It's the reverse of what I often see IRL and here, which made me sit up and notice.

Like my friend, I have been a WOHM since my kids were born. My eldest started kindergarten today, but my youngest is still 3 years away. I have frequently heard that kids need you more when they're older, but I don't know anyone IRL (other than this FB friend) who WOH and switched to SAH when their kids started school. My own mom SAH until I was 4 and then WOH until she retired last year. Thus, I thought I'd ask here.

I personally find it very difficult to SAH during the baby/toddler years (this conclusion is based on my annual 2 weeks at home with DDs when my office is closed for winter break). Yet now I'm thinking it may be a better fit for me to SAH when they're school-age after seeing my FB friend's announcement. I think I'd love to be active in DDs' school and share more of their daily lives/activities. I also anticipate, since we plan to send them to public schools, that the schools will need active parents. Plus, I may be able to work out a part-time position at my current employer, doing only the tasks I really love (counseling law students).

Anyhow, just my random musings aloud. Curious if anyone else has considered this or has BTDT advice.

[theriviera]

I haven't BTDT but that is my plan.

[niccig]

Our friend did it. They needed her to work when her kids were young and then when her eldest was grade 2 or 3, her DH's work was a place where they could afford her to stay at home. She works very very part-time to keep her license. I can see how this would work as kids still need a lot of attention if not more as they get older - all their activities, keeping an eye on what they're doing so not in trouble etc.

We didn't plan it this way, so we'll be doing the WOHM when DS is still in school. Though depending on how what he needs, I could see myself working part-time when he's a teenager - a lot of afterschool programs stop around middle school years.

[elektra]

I do think that makes a lot of sense. I would have loved to have my mom at home for later elementary and junior high. I can't even remember much before then except being able to play on the playground, and I don't think I missed her afterschool as much from the infant stage through about 3rd grade or so.

Not a realistic choice for me to make for our family now but it does make a lot of sense based on my own childhood experiences.

[daniele_ut]

I'm pregnant now and will most likely become a SAHM after this baby arrives in December even though DS1 is in school FT and DD will follow in a couple of years. If I do, I'm not sure I'll ever go back to work full time. I'm one of those people who believe that your kids really do need more time and attention once school starts. Also, this has sort of been our plan from the start. DH was in school when we got married and I worked FT. As the years have progressed and his career has taken off, I've been able to back off being the breadwinner and let him take over that responsibility. I may continue to do some freelance work, but I want to have more time so the kids can be my primary focus.

[Pennylane]

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I have always been a SAHM and think I was needed way more when my kids were young and not in elementary school than I am now. It is great that I can volunteer at school, which I do a lot, but honestly they just don't need me as much.

They do have more after school activities now then when they were in preschool but it is all after 5, so I can't imagine that interfering with a job.

I wouldn't change being a SAHM for anything though...I am so thankful that it is not a choice I've had to make yet.

Ann

[BabbyO]

My mom sorta did this with us. She WOH FT until I was older and until my brother was about 2-3, then she started working PT. She did a ton of volunteer work at the school and church and I think she really enjoyed it. When we all were at or older than Middle school/Jr. High age (I think) she went back to WOH FT. (FWIW by the time my brother was in middle school, I had my license and helped my parents quite a bit with any drop off/pick up that needed to happen for my siblings. My sis and I were often left instructions on what to make for dinner, too).

[smiles33]

Pennylane: but what about when your kids are in middle school and high school? I think that's when it makes more of a difference. My parents didn't really know who my friends were or what I did with my time, whereas my friends with SAHM knew us all and frequently interacted with us.

I think back to my childhood and realized I played team sports starting in middle school because there weren't any after-school programs and my WOH mom couldn't pick me up until 5:30. So that was our "default" after-school care. Good thing I managed to not cut from the teams! Still, there were some days I just sat in front of the school for 2 hours as we lived too far away to walk and there was no bus for high school students. I thought about walking to the middle school 3 blocks away to take that bus but it was too embarrassing.

One time I walked home as a high school freshman (as I didn't have a Fall sport to play) and it took either 45 min or an hour. My mom ended up paying a classmate's mom (someone who wasn't a friend of mine) to drive me home. I joined the volleyball team the next year.

I think the hardest part for me will be stepping down from my job, as there's no way I can retain the title/authority and only work p/t. Ideally, I'd work only a few hours 3x/week so I could still be at the school during business hours and be home before school gets out.

[scrooks]

I think this is true. My SIL has 4 dc in middle school through hs. She is just trying to get back into the workforce and the only way it works for her is that she is done at the same time as the kids (she is a teacher). It seems like lots of activities and events start right after school which can be at 2:30 or 3. Her evenings are completely taken up with kids events and carting people places (and 2 of her dc drive themselves).

If we have another dc I will probably become a sahm...right when DD will start K and I think it would be a good thing for our family.

[momof2girls]

My neighbor did that too and I thought she had it backward. She said being home with little ones was simply too hard so she opted to work while they were infants/toddlers and now SAH since they are in school FT b/c it is easier to have a break until school gets out.
I have not idea how WOHM are able to do any afterschool activites as they are often at 4 or 5 pm. That is one of the reasons I am still SAHM.