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  1. #1
    ray7694 is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default How would you handle this guy friend issue?

    I recently moved back to my home town and discovered a guy from my high school lives in the subdivision. His wife and four kids stopped by and said hello. I added him as a friend on fb everything seems fine. Our subdivision has Thursday get togethers at a new house each week. I talked to all the neighbors including him. I knew him pretty well in high school but that was forever ago.

    So fast forward my girlfriend and I walk into this resteraunt and he is seated with a large group of friend and his arm is around his wife. Not evern knowing it I was trying to be friendly and say hello. I touched his arm friendly and said it's like I am following you.

    His reaction was to shrug me off and not say hello. So we are now seated directly behind him with his back to us. He acted like he didn't know me and gave me a strange look. They got their food to go and when they were leaving I made a point to say hello to his wifte.

    I have never had that happen and don't know what I did. It is really bothering me mostly because they live by me.

    WWYD?
    Last edited by ray7694; 10-06-2011 at 01:55 PM.

  2. #2
    boolady is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I don't really get the question. I wouldn't do anything. It seems like he was out with a big group, including his wife, and for whatever reason, wasn't particularly responsive or was made uncomfortable by your comment. What do you mean by you didn't realize his arm was around his wife-- you wouldn't have said it or touched him if you did?

    I would just move on and when I saw him at the next neighborhood function, talk to him and to his wife like I always do.

    ETA: I guess I'm also a bit confused because you titled it "guy friend issue." Was he a boyfriend or something, or he was just a friend from high school? If he and his wife and family came to see you, were you not saying hello to both of them when you saw them out at the restaurant? If they're neighbors who you see at neighborhood functions, I guess I'd be looking at both of them as friends, as they're married and, I assume, come to neighborhood functions together or as a family.
    Jen, mom to my silly monkey, 10/06

  3. #3
    ha98ed14 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Nothing. He was seated with a big group; maybe he felt he could not be distracted or it would be rude for him to take himself out of the conversation to say hi. Either way, his wife was right there, so I seriously, seriously doubt anyone would take it as a come-on. I would just shrug it off and talk to them like normal.

    FWIW, I've gone unacknowledged by friends when I tried to say hi and they were in the middle of listening to talking in a conversation. Not a big deal. Everything was fine the next time I saw them.
    Mommy to my One & Only 05.07

  4. #4
    HonoluluMom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I wouldn't do anything in particular. The next time I see him or see him with his wife, just act as I normally would.

  5. #5
    boolady is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ha98ed14 View Post
    Nothing. He was seated with a big group; maybe he felt he could not be distracted or it would be rude for him to take himself out of the conversation to say hi. Either way, his wife was right there, so I seriously, seriously doubt anyone would take it as a come-on. I would just shrug it off and talk to them like normal.

    FWIW, I've gone unacknowledged by friends when I tried to say hi and they were in the middle of listening to talking in a conversation. Not a big deal. Everything was fine the next time I saw them.
    While I agree with you that I doubt it would be interpreted as a come-on, and I'm not at all the jealous type or bothered by my husband's friendships with his many female colleagues, I think I would find it odd if I was out to dinner with my husband and others and someone we both knew and saw frequently only spoke to my husband to say, "It's like I'm following you." I think I'd wonder if they'd been bumping into each other or something, but other than that? No big deal.

    I think the whole incident is not even on the "guy friend" or his wife's radar. OP did edit her original post to say that she later made a point to say hello to the wife, so I still don't get what this is all about, but whatever. I'd just move on.
    Jen, mom to my silly monkey, 10/06

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by boolady View Post
    I don't really get the question. I wouldn't do anything. It seems like he was out with a big group, including his wife, and for whatever reason, wasn't particularly responsive or was made uncomfortable by your comment. What do you mean by you didn't realize his arm was around his wife-- you wouldn't have said it or touched him if you did?

    I would just move on and when I saw him at the next neighborhood function, talk to him and to his wife like I always do.

    ETA: I guess I'm also a bit confused because you titled it "guy friend issue." Was he a boyfriend or something, or he was just a friend from high school? If he and his wife and family came to see you, were you not saying hello to both of them when you saw them out at the restaurant? If they're neighbors who you see at neighborhood functions, I guess I'd be looking at both of them as friends, as they're married and, I assume, come to neighborhood functions together or as a family.
    Especially to the bolded. I'm wondering if you're projecting a bit. Like how do you know he gave you a strange look if his back was to you? I honestly think it's nothing. Although I personally would have said "you TWO must think I'm following you" and probably have friended his wife on FB as well, since she's the one who came to visit you. But even if he thought you were coming onto him, which seems a little extreme, just go about your business.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  7. #7
    ahisma is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Is it possible that he didn't recognize you in that context? I'm really, really, really bad with faces and have often had to "fake" remembering someone in a public setting. It can be someone that I would recognize in a heartbeat at the school, but at the grocery store I don't recognize them at all.

    Just a thought...

  8. #8
    ha98ed14 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by boolady View Post
    While I agree with you that I doubt it would be interpreted as a come-on, and I'm not at all the jealous type or bothered by my husband's friendships with his many female colleagues, I think I would find it odd if I was out to dinner with my husband and others and someone we both knew and saw frequently only spoke to my husband to say, "It's like I'm following you." I think I'd wonder if they'd been bumping into each other or something, but other than that? No big deal.

    I think the whole incident is not even on the "guy friend" or his wife's radar. OP did edit her original post to say that she later made a point to say hello to the wife, so I still don't get what this is all about, but whatever. I'd just move on.
    I think you're right. It happened quickly and in passing, so not a big deal at all. I just want to add this perspective re: opposite gender friendships between married people. I think that (as long as it is a socially appropriate conversation) there is nothing wrong with talking to only the opposite gender spouse. DH has a good friend with whom I also have my own inside jokes and topics of conversation. I'm a politics and news junkie and he is too. DH isn't. The basis of their friendship is the stuff guys do together. But he and I can go head to head in politics and love it. It always takes place in a family setting (a BBQ, bday party, etc), but I have emailed and texted him with a question here or there. Rarely, but I would not feel weird about doing it. I'm not close to his wife. I have another girlfriend whose DH is also a friend. My DH and her DH are friends too. I greet only him if I see them and she is kid-wrangling. Or if he is by himself with the kids. I know several married men who greet their married male friends with a hearty handshake and the friends' wives with a hug/cheek kiss. I think it depends on the culture of the friendships.
    Mommy to my One & Only 05.07

  9. #9
    boolady is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ha98ed14 View Post
    I think you're right. It happened quickly and in passing, so not a big deal at all. I just want to add this perspective re: opposite gender friendships between married people. I think that (as long as it is a socially appropriate conversation) there is nothing wrong with talking to only the opposite gender spouse. DH has a good friend with whom I also have my own inside jokes and topics of conversation. I'm a politics and news junkie and he is too. DH isn't. The basis of their friendship is the stuff guys do together. But he and I can go head to head in politics and love it. It always takes place in a family setting (a BBQ, bday party, etc), but I have emailed and texted him with a question here or there. Rarely, but I would not feel weird about doing it. I'm not close to his wife. I have another girlfriend whose DH is also a friend. My DH and her DH are friends too. I greet only him if I see them and she is kid-wrangling. Or if he is by himself with the kids. I know several married men who greet their married male friends with a hearty handshake and the friends' wives with a hug/cheek kiss. I think it depends on the culture of the friendships.
    I agree. I have several very good male friends, and if it's talking to just them, I don't think it would seem odd at all. I think that if I saw them both out, though, in an evening-out kind of atmosphere, I would feel weird not at least greeting both of them. I guess it just wouldn't occur to me not to address my very brief comment to both of them-- regardless of being better friends with the husband, I just think it's polite to acknowledge both of them. Meh, what do I know? I rarely leave the house other than work at this point.
    Jen, mom to my silly monkey, 10/06

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