best way to hand out Birthday invitations to school friends?

[AnnieW625]

I emailed the parents of DD1's friends she wanted to invite and got their home addresses. It worked out just fine.

This year DD1's school says that invites cannot be handed out at school and I am 100% okay with that. We have a class email/address roster so I can mail them this year.

[buddyleebaby]

OP, just so you don't feel piled on here, we had the same situation last year for my DD's party.

They do not give out class lists of any kind.

We had a venue with a 10 person limit.

I wrote to ask the teacher the policy on invitations and she told me it was to send them in, and that she would discreetly put them in the appropriate children's folders. I trusted her to do so, and I didn't feel bad about abiding by school policy. We certainly didn't get 18 birthday invitations so I think the majority of parents in my daughter's class must have felt the same way.

There were also a couple of kids I did not want to invite. I know we are supposed to invite the whole class, but I'm throwing a party for my daughter, and if you have been mean to her pretty much all year long, you're not getting an invite. I don't care if I am breaking an unwritten mommy rule.

[khalloc]

OP, just so you don't feel piled on here, we had the same situation last year for my DD's party.

They do not give out class lists of any kind.

We had a venue with a 10 person limit.

I wrote to ask the teacher the policy on invitations and she told me it was to send them in, and that she would discreetly put them in the appropriate children's folders. I trusted her to do so, and I didn't feel bad about abiding by school policy. We certainly didn't get 18 birthday invitations so I think the majority of parents in my daughter's class must have felt the same way.

There were also a couple of kids I did not want to invite. I know we are supposed to invite the whole class, but I'm throwing a party for my daughter, and if you have been mean to her pretty much all year long, you're not getting an invite. I don't care if I am breaking an unwritten mommy rule.

Thank you! I was feeling a little bit piled on. Especially because I did ask the teacher what to do and she said to send them in and she would distribute them. And yes, I did mention that I didnt want anyone to feel leftout if they gave them out at school and I couldnt invite everyone.

Last year we invited all of her daycare friends and had almost 20 kids at a bowling alley party. We had 5 lanes! It was a little insane. Other parents who stayed kept commenting on how it was quite the party and I mentioned that we invited all of her pre-K friends, then a few from Kindergarten who she was friends with, then 3 cousins. And only 1 person said no. I think there are only 8 girls in her K class.

I could maybe just invite all the girls - would that be a good idea?

[traciann]

Last year in dd's kinder class the teacher put them in the folders. Honestly there was no other way to get the invitations to them because I don't have contact for all the parents. We did all girls in the class last year because it was a pretend slumber party...and it was great. If the teacher said it was fine, I send them in and not worry about it.

[alien_host]

I don't have an issue with you sending them to school for distribution since the teacher gave you those instructions.

On a side note, I don't know you folks manage without a class roster with parent's names/addresses/phone or e-mail. How the heck to you contact other parents if needed (party, playdate etc.). Our PTO puts out the class list (each family has to give permission to be in it) and it is part of the PTO dues, totally worth it IMO.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

In my son's class, the "Friday folders" (which are really envelops) go home without the kids going through them. It contains all the work being sent back, all the notices from school, etc. Lots of papers! I don't see any problem with putting invitations in select folders like this. Notices to parents that may only go to specific students also go in there (i.e. confrences, testing results, etc.).

Our school is different from most on this board as we generally drop the kids off and hang around, so I do see most parents at school and know them. It was easy for me to get the emails of the kids my son wanted to invite. However, I don't see anything wrong with sending invites home with a few kids discreetly.

Would people that have a problem with this also have a problem with sending a note asking for a playdate?

[khalloc]

Thanks! I will just send them in for the teacher to distribute. She's very nice so I imagine she wouldn't do it in front of kids so that there were hurt feelings.

I don't know why they don't send home a class list either. it would be nice to have for times like this. DD takes the bus to/from school each day so I never see other parents. I know 2 other parents - her good friend who she went to daycare with, and our neighbor. But those kids are both in a different Kindergarten class than DD.

[SnuggleBuggles]

8 girls and your dd was going to just choose 5-6 of them so basically just excluding 1-2 girls? That doesn't leave a good taste. Invite all 8. It's worth it. Some may decline too.

Beth

[khalloc]

8 girls and your dd was going to just choose 5-6 of them so basically just excluding 1-2 girls? That doesn't leave a good taste. Invite all 8. It's worth it. Some may decline too.

Beth

I hadnt really thought of the fact that there were only 8 girls until I was posting in here today. Originally last week I had thought we could invite 5 kids or so. The problem is that we have 1 or 2 other girls that she is good friends with from another K class. So now my 5 or 6 has been raised to 10...but you're right, it will be worth it. And some will probably decline.

[alien_host]

Ok, I'm going to come out and say it. I totally don't get why people are saying that either all of the b'day person's gender needs to be invited or the entire class. I get it that it is ackward that the invites have to go through the school, but if this was NOT the case would people feel the same?

FWIW, we invited the entire class last year, but I don't think it will be that way forever since DD obviously now is friends with kids from multiple classes (boys and girls).

khalloc - If there are only 8 girls and you can reasonably (cost and space) include them all then go for it, but I don't think you need to feel obligated to invite kids that you don't know well (i.e. haven't met parents or even seen the kids before). I know that sounds bitchy, but I would never be offended if DD wasn't invited to someone's party, you can't know what that family's circumstances are etc.