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  1. #51
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    can i just say, as a mom of really little ones, this thread is scaring me of what's to come!!

    it kinda sounds to me like OP has gone above and beyond...she asked the teacher, sounds like there's no class list available, maybe due to school's policy re: safety/privacy concerns (which does sound extreme, IMO, but what can you do). yes handing out invites at school where the whole class isn't invited would bother me, but given the situation,don't know what much else you can do. don't think that simply bc of that she must have to spend extra $$$ to accomodate several extra kids her kids don't really know.

    i really hope that when my kids get older, i can get away with just inviting a few kids and not inviting the entire class, or even all girls or all boys. it sounds like these days re: birthday parties, parents have to go through so much energy, time and $$$ for the sake of not potentially upsetting anyone. growing up, i remember in 1st grade my best friend was a boy in my class, and at my bday party i had maybe 6-7 people over..a mix of girls and boys, some from class, a couple from neighborhood, or whatever. those were the only kids i played with (and also whose parents my parents sort of knew) so those were the ones that got invited to my party. just wondering, does anybody do this anymore, or is this really frowned upon these days? as g-mama said, i cannot even imagine the logistics of inviting 20+ kids to my kids' birthday party, nor can imagine being invited to so many, and having to go to a birthday party every other weekend, and having to buy/wrap a gift, etc!
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 10-13-2011 at 02:07 PM.

  2. #52
    o_mom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by alien_host View Post
    I'm not implying that kids won't feel hurt or excluded, I get that, but I'm just saying that in some circumstances it might be impossible to include everyone or even all of one gender. I think that is REALITY these days and we as parents can prepare our kids for that disappointment. IMO it is not that different from playdates. I might not be able to invite each and every kid over to my house over the course of the year and last year there were some kids that did not get invited to my house and DD did not get asked to everyone's house either. The kids talked about Susie went to Janie's house etc, but I do think that they have the ability to understand that not everyone gets invited to everything.

    I also think in K and 1st it is even harder for kids to just pick 1 or 2 friends. My DD likes everyone and fortunately we had the means to invite the whole class last year in Kinder. To be honest, I am DREADING this year's birthday because she has friends spread over two classes.

    BOLD - I addressed that in the post right above yours and ITA with that.
    Cross posted with your other one, but I agree... as they get older, this problem goes away.

    I don't think anyone said that everyone had to be invited every time, but just pointing out that if it is possible inviting 1-2 extras to include everyone in a group (one gender, whole class, etc.) should be considered and sounds like it may have been overlooked by the OP initially.

    I also think that some of the responses are mixing the original question of invitation distribution with the discussion around inviting only part of the class. Several people commented that their schools had policies that *if you hand out invites at school* they request the whole class or all of one gender be invited, otherwise get the invites out another way. ETA: I also think this is one of those topics that many people have opinions on, but IRL they aren't as passionate about them. I seriously don't really care that much how someone puts together their guest list unless they make a point to exclude and point that out, but I do have some personal opinions on how I would do it.
    Last edited by o_mom; 10-13-2011 at 02:37 PM.
    Mama to three boys ('03, '05, '07)

  3. #53
    mytwosons is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    At our school, kids know they aren't supposed to open up their back packs on the bus because things get lost. I'm amazed, but they do seem to follow this rule. I think the teacher can distribute the invites w/out any of the children noticing.

    IME, the K parties were the last of the invite the whole class/all of one gender. Plus, the parties seem to get smaller and smaller as the kids get older and the kids realize they won't be invited to every party.

    DS1 knows not to talk about parties at school, but he tells me (shocked) about all the kids who do talk about whatever party took place over the weekend.

  4. #54
    squimp is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    As kids get older, the parties change and friendships change. We can't invite everyone. Our teacher knows this and makes sure they don't talk about parties at school. I think it's nice that your teacher offered to put in the invites in the backpacks. I would do that and not give it any more thought.

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