Advice: DH so easy to upsell

[niccig]

He doesn't even need a salesperson to convince him to spend more. Eg. today he went off to REI for some things for upcoming camping trip. I looked up what would be good as it was cooking things and wrote down what to get. He pretty much got everything that was 1-2 price points higher and got extra things that we just don't need. We don't camp all that often and it's car camping, so we don't need ultra-light, more expensive equipment. I was able to talk him out of some things that I am returning tomorrow, but it's still more than what should have been spent. His argument is that it's better quality and will last forever, but sometimes it is still way overkill for the amount of use the item will get.

We have a few things coming up that I know will be an issue. One is we're getting ski boots next season and I just know he'll hone in on the super expensive pair that even ski instructors don't have as they cost too much. We're still beginner skiers and will at most ski 1-2 times a season.

We have a 2 week vacation planned and I commented on how much it will cost and he said that this time it won't as we won't eat out as much. But once we're there, he will want to eat out and will want to order the super expensive bottle of wine, and I said as much.

So my question, how to have this discussion with DH without sounding like a mother saying "we don't need that," or "that's too expensive."

Do I need to have the conversation beforehand and have us agree to a budget amount?

Do I need to go with anytime there's potential to overspend to ward off the purchases before they happen?

He did comment when he got home today he was surprised at how much it all came too and said every little thing adds up, so I wonder if he's not doing the mental calculation of how much the total bill will be, but once he's at the register he won't say no to something and he won't return it after the purchase either.

Thanks.

[sunshine873]

This is my DH to a tee. If it's more expensive, it's better, will last longer, is a smarter purchase, we could always sell it (we NEVER do.)

For known circumstances/purchases/outings, definitely have a discussion ahead of time. Discuss your budget, goals, what you want to get out of it, etc. - come to an agreement. Do this before you're in the situation, things get heated, feelings get involved, etc.

Beyond that, we have an agreement that we discuss any purchase over $100. (adjust the amount according to what works for you.)

These things don't work 100% of the time, but they've helped a lot.

[larig]

Just tell him it will ruin your rep on the BBB to overpay for camping gear. ;-)

[DrSally]

I would do the preplanned budget. It might encourage him to keep the extras down and even return things that aren't needed. DH is the same way. An extra few bucks here and there does not bother him in the least. He also doesn't like to return things. Problem is, it all adds up. Camping gear is sooo expensive!

[niccig]

Just tell him it will ruin your rep on the BBB to overpay for camping gear. ;-)

my rep is truly ruined then.

[niccig]

This is my DH to a tee. If it's more expensive, it's better, will last longer, is a smarter purchase, we could always sell it (we NEVER do.)

For known circumstances/purchases/outings, definitely have a discussion ahead of time. Discuss your budget, goals, what you want to get out of it, etc. - come to an agreement. Do this before you're in the situation, things get heated, feelings get involved, etc.

Beyond that, we have an agreement that we discuss any purchase over $100. (adjust the amount according to what works for you.)

These things don't work 100% of the time, but they've helped a lot.

Glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. I didn't get upset today as I have in the past. I asked why he thought we needed it and then explained why I thought we didn't. He agreed on a couple of things, so those will go back. Eg he bought a cooking knife that has a holder for the blade. I explained that it's not as good a knife as I already have, so I'll hate using, and when he said but it's safer to travel with, I explained that when I take the knife to the park for birthday parties I wrap it in tea towels and put rubber bands around it - transport has never been an issue.

I'll try talking about things ahead of time, agreeing to a budget and then reminding him of it when we're purchasing something. It's all about choices - if choose to purchase something more expensive than needed, then we can't do something else.

[hellokitty]

WE have the same problem here. Dh is like a kid in he candy store when it comes to buyin stuff. He usually goes overboard. I am more conservative and when it comes to stuff. Especially something like camp equipment. I wouldn't want to go higher end either. I'm glad you talked it out.

[Jo..]

My DH used to do the same thing. Now, we discuss any purchase over $20, and I tell him NEVER to buy anything without checking with me first, because I can likely find the same thing for half the price.

He more or less leaves all of the shopping to me now.

I would just tell your DH that you need to research your purchases together, decide the cost vs. quality vs. likely use ratio, then have time to shop around for the best deal for whatever you MUTUALLY decide on.

[crl]

For some things, would it help to buy them online so he doesn't have a chance to see the "better" or extra stuff? I have to admit that it is mostly better for me to just not go to Target because I always end up with more than was on my list. Obviously that doesn't help with the expensive wine and such though.

Catherine

[specialp]

For us it is easier for me to set a budget - a concrete amount - of how much we can spend on x (annual vacation, weekend getaway, his triathlon stuff/entry fees/trips, his once-every-2-years camping trip (so I feel you on the camping stuff), home improvement stuff, etc.) because I do all the bill & budget. But then let him get what he wants as long as he stays within that amount. He always comes under, but I am sure I could’ve been happier with less. Still, it’s not me hounding him or us having to discuss every purchase. Before we started doing it this way, there seemed to be such a disconnect with him in that he didn’t see how things added up – especially on vacations b/c he loves planning those and packing them full of fun. Now there’s an amount and he makes a judgment call on where it counts to spend and where it doesn’t. It’s what I do for myself, too, on clothes, home decorating, baby gear, etc. I’m sure there are times when I’ve gone a little bit over what was necessary, but stayed in budget and that was what mattered.