No.
If someone needed help picking up furniture, I'd rather do the driving to go get it with them.
No.
If someone needed help picking up furniture, I'd rather do the driving to go get it with them.
Married 3/04
DS 8/07
DD born 8/11
We have no problem with it. When friends and family come to visit we let them use our vehicles and when we visit them they let us use their vehicles.
DS1 July 2010
DS2 November 2012
D, married to B, momma to DD1 (7/08) and DD2 (8/10)
See that's the thing - I don't agree to something until I check with him first. But all my friends know he's the one who said no. So what then? And often they can just figure it out. Re: staying at our house. We rarely have friends stay overnight - it happens maybe once or twice a year. But when it does, and DH balks and I have to say no - it's easy to figure out who said no because my friends know that we had NOTHING going on that weekend, and also because they know me and know that I totally would've been fine with it. It does create tension between us because DH thinks I don't take his feelings into consideration - but I DO - that's why I say "let me talk to DH first" - there's just nothing I can do about him thinking he's always the one to say no when the FACT is that he IS always the one to say no
Anyway back to the car thing - I just thought this was interesting. I know people could go either way on this and I am one of those who would never ask to borrow a car from anyone other than my family unless there was an emergency-type situation because I'd be driving on eggshells and that would make ME uncomfortable. But if a responsible friend asks me once in a blue moon I'm OK with it. And it's totally fine that DH is not but he's making me feel guilty about saying yes when he says "I'm not comfortable with it but go ahead and say yes because they'll know I said no." What am I supposed to do with that? I told him repeatedly "they will understand if we're not comfortable with it" and he argues that "but it doesn't change the fact that they will know who said no." I can't win! LOL! I'll gladly take any advice on this! And for the record, I've already told these friends yes, because DH insisted he didn't want to always be the one to say no.
We visited some friends in Seattle and they offered to let us drive their stick while they were at work (neither of us drives stick). In Seattle (hilly). I told DH "No way, we'll take the bus - you can't drive a stick on these hills" plus the bus station was totally walkable...but DH insisted that they let us borrow the car and he wanted to drive it (I think this is more of a Man. Stick Shift. Macho. Type of situation.) So we get in their car and I insist he practices around the neighborhood first. He stalls it out like 10 times and I'm like LET'S TAKE THE FREAKIN' BUS!!!" LOL! So HE has no problem driving someone else's car that he's not even comfortable with driving!
Anyway, back to the car borrowing - I told him he could drive (he's taking that day off from work) but he complained that it would mean losing a couple hrs of his day off. Argh.
Last edited by twowhat?; 06-01-2012 at 10:27 AM.
It depends on who was asking, and what for exactly. When we were little, a neighbor borrowed my family's station wagon for a week for their vacation. They returned it fine, and as a thankyou, they gave our family a slide projector and a screen and something like 50 rolls of 35mm film (this must have been right after my dad got our nice camera). Watching this happen when I was a little kid was instructional - we were all so appreciative of the "gift" and with 4 young children, my parents would never have bought themselves such a lavish gift. I remember watching slideshows and thinking how lucky we were and how well it worked out. Of course, an accident could have happened and it could have been a headache, but I do think that my parents accepted that risk.
Fast forward to us, and one of our nannies once asked if she could borrow our SUV to take her immediate family (parents and cousins) on a skiing trip. We said no. Frankly they had the money to rent something, and we just didn't trust the situation. She was always asking to borrow things (like our coffee maker for weekends they were having company) and things got broken (they borrowed our powerwasher for their deck and it broke).
So I think it depends. I could envision several friends asking to borrow our SUV (or us borrow theirs) and we would feel fine. Sure there could be an accident, but I would assume that the borrower would handle the hassle and extra expense (maybe not with increased rates... but I think our good friends would "make it right" somehow, as we would try to do). But I would decline several other people as well.
really, never ever. if a friend needs help, we always drive ourselves.
Yes, always make sure you have the financial means to replace whatever your are borrowing from someone (IE.. camera, etc) in case it gets wrecked/stolen rule #1. This goes back nearly 15yrs... A friend of mine loaned his then expensive F5 Nikon SLR camera, the friend lost it/stolen, the friend didn't have the $$ to pay for it... That turned into a nightmare.
Yes. Well, when we had one worth borrowing. Like when I had a truck. Now, I'm more likely to borrow then to be borrowed from.
If we can though, we try to do it so they have time to come along and drive if they want so they feel more comfortable. Like we bought a bunch of trees one time. We just scheduled it with a friend when they had time and they just met us at the nursery and drove the stuff back to our house for us with us following.
Course, not all friends care. Another friend just tosses us the keys. The husband is willing to just toss me the keys to their brand new 5 series BMW and says "have fun". But I helped them buy about half their stuff (including that car, their house, etc).
Ok, now your DH is sounding really unreasonable (especially w/ the stick shift story, LOL!). You are right, he is putting you in a lose-lose situation and that's really unfair...i mean, either have the balls to say no, or offer up to drive them instead, or just agree to let them borrow it and figure it's a one-time thing and not complain or make you feel bad about it. I have no advice, other than i'd be frustrated too!
Anyway, re: the van, I'm sure everything will be fine. I would just tell your DH that after telling your friends yes, what's done is done and he's not allowed to complain further about it
Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 06-01-2012 at 03:10 PM.