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  1. #21
    vonfirmath is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    No.
    If someone needed help picking up furniture, I'd rather do the driving to go get it with them.
    Married 3/04
    DS 8/07
    DD born 8/11

  2. #22
    kaharris83 is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    We have no problem with it. When friends and family come to visit we let them use our vehicles and when we visit them they let us use their vehicles.
    DS1 July 2010
    DS2 November 2012

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by vonfirmath View Post
    No.
    If someone needed help picking up furniture, I'd rather do the driving to go get it with them.
    This is how I feel. We have used our van many times to help friends transport large items. But we drive. I have allowed my best friend and my mom to drive my car while I ride along. They are much better drivers than I am and are more confident driving long distances.
    D, married to B, momma to DD1 (7/08) and DD2 (8/10)

  4. #24
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pear View Post
    I have let close family use my car and even that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

    As for your DH always being the one to say no, as a couple we generally present a united front. So I would never tell someone they could stay at my house without talking with DH and if his answer was no I would just say that it wasn't going to work out for us.
    See that's the thing - I don't agree to something until I check with him first. But all my friends know he's the one who said no. So what then? And often they can just figure it out. Re: staying at our house. We rarely have friends stay overnight - it happens maybe once or twice a year. But when it does, and DH balks and I have to say no - it's easy to figure out who said no because my friends know that we had NOTHING going on that weekend, and also because they know me and know that I totally would've been fine with it. It does create tension between us because DH thinks I don't take his feelings into consideration - but I DO - that's why I say "let me talk to DH first" - there's just nothing I can do about him thinking he's always the one to say no when the FACT is that he IS always the one to say no

    Anyway back to the car thing - I just thought this was interesting. I know people could go either way on this and I am one of those who would never ask to borrow a car from anyone other than my family unless there was an emergency-type situation because I'd be driving on eggshells and that would make ME uncomfortable. But if a responsible friend asks me once in a blue moon I'm OK with it. And it's totally fine that DH is not but he's making me feel guilty about saying yes when he says "I'm not comfortable with it but go ahead and say yes because they'll know I said no." What am I supposed to do with that? I told him repeatedly "they will understand if we're not comfortable with it" and he argues that "but it doesn't change the fact that they will know who said no." I can't win! LOL! I'll gladly take any advice on this! And for the record, I've already told these friends yes, because DH insisted he didn't want to always be the one to say no.

    We visited some friends in Seattle and they offered to let us drive their stick while they were at work (neither of us drives stick). In Seattle (hilly). I told DH "No way, we'll take the bus - you can't drive a stick on these hills" plus the bus station was totally walkable...but DH insisted that they let us borrow the car and he wanted to drive it (I think this is more of a Man. Stick Shift. Macho. Type of situation.) So we get in their car and I insist he practices around the neighborhood first. He stalls it out like 10 times and I'm like LET'S TAKE THE FREAKIN' BUS!!!" LOL! So HE has no problem driving someone else's car that he's not even comfortable with driving!

    Anyway, back to the car borrowing - I told him he could drive (he's taking that day off from work) but he complained that it would mean losing a couple hrs of his day off. Argh.
    Last edited by twowhat?; 06-01-2012 at 10:27 AM.

  5. #25
    daisysmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    It depends on who was asking, and what for exactly. When we were little, a neighbor borrowed my family's station wagon for a week for their vacation. They returned it fine, and as a thankyou, they gave our family a slide projector and a screen and something like 50 rolls of 35mm film (this must have been right after my dad got our nice camera). Watching this happen when I was a little kid was instructional - we were all so appreciative of the "gift" and with 4 young children, my parents would never have bought themselves such a lavish gift. I remember watching slideshows and thinking how lucky we were and how well it worked out. Of course, an accident could have happened and it could have been a headache, but I do think that my parents accepted that risk.

    Fast forward to us, and one of our nannies once asked if she could borrow our SUV to take her immediate family (parents and cousins) on a skiing trip. We said no. Frankly they had the money to rent something, and we just didn't trust the situation. She was always asking to borrow things (like our coffee maker for weekends they were having company) and things got broken (they borrowed our powerwasher for their deck and it broke).

    So I think it depends. I could envision several friends asking to borrow our SUV (or us borrow theirs) and we would feel fine. Sure there could be an accident, but I would assume that the borrower would handle the hassle and extra expense (maybe not with increased rates... but I think our good friends would "make it right" somehow, as we would try to do). But I would decline several other people as well.

  6. #26
    dec756 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    really, never ever. if a friend needs help, we always drive ourselves.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by ♥ms.pacman♥ View Post
    i'll be a voice of dissent...i get where your DH is coming from. i would feel weird if anyone asked to borrow our minivan, unless it was a semi-emergency situation (e.g. someone's sick or hospitalized, and the family needs a van to transport family members coming from out of town, or something to that effect). I guess because first of all i would never dream of asking to borrow someone's car...i would just rent one out or pay a delivery fee rather than to ask a friend. I would be so uncomfortable and would be walking (or driving? lol) on eggshells the entire time if i had to drive someone else's car. Also, i don't realy know how the insurance thing works..if anything happened it seemed like i would be awkward situation...if there was an accident, how would the insurance work out?? would it be my insurance (for the car) or the driver's? I don't know. I'm probably over thinking it, as it's unlikely that anything will happen, but that's my take on it. I'd be willing to lend out pretty much anything to a friend but for some reason a car makes me think twice.

    as a PP said you could offer to drive and pick up the furniture for them.
    Agreed! (What if) the friend that borrows it gets drunk and kills someone or recklessy drives the vehicle, you and your insurance are now liable. You could lose everything financially... Just saying... think twice before lending your car.

  8. #28
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by daisysmom View Post
    It depends on who was asking, and what for exactly. When we were little, a neighbor borrowed my family's station wagon for a week for their vacation. They returned it fine, and as a thankyou, they gave our family a slide projector and a screen and something like 50 rolls of 35mm film (this must have been right after my dad got our nice camera). Watching this happen when I was a little kid was instructional - we were all so appreciative of the "gift" and with 4 young children, my parents would never have bought themselves such a lavish gift. I remember watching slideshows and thinking how lucky we were and how well it worked out. Of course, an accident could have happened and it could have been a headache, but I do think that my parents accepted that risk.

    Fast forward to us, and one of our nannies once asked if she could borrow our SUV to take her immediate family (parents and cousins) on a skiing trip. We said no. Frankly they had the money to rent something, and we just didn't trust the situation. She was always asking to borrow things (like our coffee maker for weekends they were having company) and things got broken (they borrowed our powerwasher for their deck and it broke).

    So I think it depends. I could envision several friends asking to borrow our SUV (or us borrow theirs) and we would feel fine. Sure there could be an accident, but I would assume that the borrower would handle the hassle and extra expense (maybe not with increased rates... but I think our good friends would "make it right" somehow, as we would try to do). But I would decline several other people as well.
    Yes, always make sure you have the financial means to replace whatever your are borrowing from someone (IE.. camera, etc) in case it gets wrecked/stolen rule #1. This goes back nearly 15yrs... A friend of mine loaned his then expensive F5 Nikon SLR camera, the friend lost it/stolen, the friend didn't have the $$ to pay for it... That turned into a nightmare.

  9. #29
    codex57 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Yes. Well, when we had one worth borrowing. Like when I had a truck. Now, I'm more likely to borrow then to be borrowed from.

    If we can though, we try to do it so they have time to come along and drive if they want so they feel more comfortable. Like we bought a bunch of trees one time. We just scheduled it with a friend when they had time and they just met us at the nursery and drove the stuff back to our house for us with us following.

    Course, not all friends care. Another friend just tosses us the keys. The husband is willing to just toss me the keys to their brand new 5 series BMW and says "have fun". But I helped them buy about half their stuff (including that car, their house, etc).

  10. #30
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by twowhat? View Post
    See that's the thing - I don't agree to something until I check with him first. But all my friends know he's the one who said no. So what then? And often they can just figure it out. Re: staying at our house. We rarely have friends stay overnight - it happens maybe once or twice a year. But when it does, and DH balks and I have to say no - it's easy to figure out who said no because my friends know that we had NOTHING going on that weekend, and also because they know me and know that I totally would've been fine with it. It does create tension between us because DH thinks I don't take his feelings into consideration - but I DO - that's why I say "let me talk to DH first" - there's just nothing I can do about him thinking he's always the one to say no when the FACT is that he IS always the one to say no

    Anyway back to the car thing - I just thought this was interesting. I know people could go either way on this and I am one of those who would never ask to borrow a car from anyone other than my family unless there was an emergency-type situation because I'd be driving on eggshells and that would make ME uncomfortable. But if a responsible friend asks me once in a blue moon I'm OK with it. And it's totally fine that DH is not but he's making me feel guilty about saying yes when he says "I'm not comfortable with it but go ahead and say yes because they'll know I said no." What am I supposed to do with that? I told him repeatedly "they will understand if we're not comfortable with it" and he argues that "but it doesn't change the fact that they will know who said no." I can't win! LOL! I'll gladly take any advice on this! And for the record, I've already told these friends yes, because DH insisted he didn't want to always be the one to say no.

    We visited some friends in Seattle and they offered to let us drive their stick while they were at work (neither of us drives stick). In Seattle (hilly). I told DH "No way, we'll take the bus - you can't drive a stick on these hills" plus the bus station was totally walkable...but DH insisted that they let us borrow the car and he wanted to drive it (I think this is more of a Man. Stick Shift. Macho. Type of situation.) So we get in their car and I insist he practices around the neighborhood first. He stalls it out like 10 times and I'm like LET'S TAKE THE FREAKIN' BUS!!!" LOL! So HE has no problem driving someone else's car that he's not even comfortable with driving!

    Anyway, back to the car borrowing - I told him he could drive (he's taking that day off from work) but he complained that it would mean losing a couple hrs of his day off. Argh.
    Ok, now your DH is sounding really unreasonable (especially w/ the stick shift story, LOL!). You are right, he is putting you in a lose-lose situation and that's really unfair...i mean, either have the balls to say no, or offer up to drive them instead, or just agree to let them borrow it and figure it's a one-time thing and not complain or make you feel bad about it. I have no advice, other than i'd be frustrated too!

    Anyway, re: the van, I'm sure everything will be fine. I would just tell your DH that after telling your friends yes, what's done is done and he's not allowed to complain further about it
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 06-01-2012 at 03:10 PM.

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