Totally sad about a comment DD made at the babysitter's house

[lalasmama]

Quick back story... DD's legally a foster child. One of her birth parents has FINALLY agreed to full adoption (OMG, I NEVER thought she would agree to it!), but her birth father (who also happens to be my brother) refuses. He's seen DD 4 times in the last 4 years--all 4 of those times in the last 4 months. Point being: there's not a deep bond there right now while they are "re-meeting" one another. DD goes to a friend's house for the summer while I'm at work. It's a SAHM who is FANTASTIC. Seriously, she deals well with DD, and doesn't flinch at keeping her own kids in line at the same time. Her hubby works nights, so he's there (though, sleeping) most of the time DD is there. He's a FANTASTIC dad. Seriously awesome. And he treats DD like one of his own, from the typical loving teasing, asking her about things, getting her to help with "dad" things (hooking up the tv/dvd player, etc), and otherwise, just engaging her. I've known the family for 5 years now, but it's just recently we've started spending much more time together.

We were eating dinner tonight, parents in the living room, kids in the dining room, and started talking about funny kid comments. We were laughing about the first time the kids each used a "real" bad word. Somehow the conversation came around to DD, and the Mom says that DD said something so sad yesterday, she wasn't sure how to respond.

DD told one of her sons, "I'm going to make up a new daddy, because I don't like my daddy."

Part of me wanted to cry that she thinks that. But I TOTALLY understand it, especially now that she's experiencing the involved dad that our friends have. And, like most single moms, it had/has me worried that I can't be everything to her--I can't be her daddy, nor can I make her father the kind of daddy she sees every day at our friends' house.

Just a rough night having to face that, as a single mom, I like to believe I'm a good mommy and a good daddy, but DD wants to make up a daddy because she realizes other kids have something she doesn't have, and it's something a whole lot bigger than her pretending her etch-a-sketch is a much-desired Nintendo DS.

[niccig]

I'm sorry. You can't give her an awesome Daddy, but you have given her an awesome Mommy.

[citymama]

I'm sorry. You can't give her an awesome Daddy, but you have given her an awesome Mommy.

Well put.

Big hugs to you - you're a wonderful mama and have an expressive, thoughtful kid who is working through her emotions in what sounds like a healthy, open manner. The family she spends time with sounds awesome, and a really good influence for her.

[sarahsthreads]

Aw, hugs. I agree with PP, you can't be or give her the Daddy she wants, but you are an awesome Mommy. And her friends' dad sounds like such a great, positive influence in her life. I think if you give her those opportunities to form relationships with good male role models, and continue to be her strong, wise Mama, that's the best thing you can do for her!

Sarah

[zag95]

Lala-
Hugs to you- your DD is realizing that the "daddy" figure she does have is not like the daddy figure at her babysitter's. She's seeing thru his c**p.

I hope you realize what a great mommy you are-

[MamaMolly]

Lala-
Hugs to you- your DD is realizing that the "daddy" figure she does have is not like the daddy figure at her babysitter's. She's seeing thru his c**p.

I hope you realize what a great mommy you are-

Amen to that!

[trcy]

I grew up without much of a dad and honestly, it did suck. But as I got older I realized I was better off without him. He just wasn't the type of person that would be beneficial in my life. It sounds like your DD is starting to realize the same thing. She is very lucky to have you.