Mommy to DS-6/11
And to the OP, sorry to hijack your posting. Congrats on your big news!! Be sure to keep all of us updated by September.
Mommy to DS-6/11
DS, Summer '07
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." ~Jack Layton
Thank you everyone for the positive wishes!!! And no problem to any hijacking, that is what forums are for and I love to hear everyone's opinions.
As for my match, my attorney spoke with the birth mom, who didn't want to pick the adoptive parent, so my attorney picked me out of all of the adoptive parents she is representing. Anyways, she told the birth mom about me and she said the birth mom was thrilled! She said she was elated about the attorneys pick and knew this was the right thing for the baby. I was so happy to hear she was pleased with the match. I am forever grateful to the birth mom for helping me become a mom.
Obviously, she is the mother both bio and legal until she signs the surrenders and that is her right. I hope she chooses to hold the baby (my family has named him Little Dude, until it becomes official). I want my child to know that not only I unconditionally love him, but that his birth mom did too. I completely agree that it could hurt him emotionally down the road if she never held him, in a, "I was just thrown away" concept. I know everyone has their own opinions and if the birth mom doesn't want to hold him then that may be the best way for her to deal with it, but for someone to suggest her not to hold the baby for fear she might change her mind is horrendous.
With everything comes a risk and that is the risk with adoption. I don't want to offen those who are not religious, so I apologize in advance, but my strength in this is from God. If he wants me to be the baby's mom, then I will be. If he has something different in mind then things will change. I know that God only gives you things that you can handle and I know if it falls through I will be devastated, but that there was a purpose. All I care about is for this little boy to have the best life possible, if that is with me as his mom that I would be so honored, but if it is with the birth mom, that is how it is supposed to be. It is so hard to come to terms with the concept of what will be will be, but that is how the world works.
Once again thank you all for the warm wishes!!
I'm adopting! I've been matched with a DS due 09/12!!!
Again, good luck, and don't hesitate to check out the rest of the forums! There are some absolutely wonderful women (and a few great men) here too!
Mama to Lala (Winter 2004)
Step-mom Big-Kid 1 (1991)
and Big-Kid 2 (1992)
Grammy to Big Eyes (2011)
and Monkey-boy (2012)
First of all, congratulations!!!! It's such an exciting thing to hear that you have been matched, so enjoy the next few months of preparing. You have a wonderful attitude towards life and our faith in God's plan for our family was also what got us through the difficult journey of adoption. Adoption is certainly not easy but it sure helps to know that God already has the perfect family planned out for you. I found that I enjoyed preparing for the arrival of a child into our family once we were matched. We did go ahead and paint and prepare a room knowing that it may not work out this time, but eventually it would. Everyone is so different in the way they feel towards preparing and there is no right or wrong way to go about it.
We now have a 4 year old DD and a 22 month old DD. In both situations, the birthmoms chose us and we had a chance to get to know them prior to the births. We were asked by both of them to be at the hospital for the births and we actually had our own rooms in the hospital. We bonded with the birth families during this time and we all shared the baby, hugs, laughter, and tears. We feel so blessed that we can tell the girls that their birth mom's loved them so much that they wanted the best life possible for them. Every situation is different but I'm so glad that the girls' birth families are a part of our family now. I think it will be easier for the girls that there won't be any unanswered questions.
Have fun planning and keep us updated!
First, Congratulations! I'm SO happy for you.
Second. I'm a birth mom. I have given a child up for adoption. The above did NOT offend me in anyway. I don't think that an adoptive parent should dictate this, necessarily, but I think there is validity to the comment.
I decided on my own, to not hold my baby right after he was born. My grandma did that - so he was held and loved and snuggled and oogled by his great-grandma, who also fed him. I did hold him later, but I knew that that was going to be a too emotionally charged moment to hold him and still be able to go through with the adoption that I KNEW was in the best interest of both my son and myself.
I just thought I'd share my perspective...since it is different.
The other piece of advice that I have - and hopefully you (or your adoption attorney) already know this, but if you don't have BOTH of the birth parents rights terminated. Try to have the birth father adjudicated, then have his rights terminated, too. I think it protects all parties best.
DS - Adopted by loving parents 1995
DS1 7/2009 ('Stachio)
DS2 9/2011 (Peanut)
No BTDT advice from me but just wanted to say congratulations on the match and he has the same EDD as my DD (and birthday ).
I think it's ok to hold off the nursery - it takes a few months before the baby moves into its own room anyway, and like you said you have extended family to help you out when you feel ready.
Add a co-sleeper or bassinet/Moses basket for your room so the baby has a place to sleep. That, car seat, clothes, diapers, formula, bottles are all you really need those first few weeks. I hope you keep us posted.