Did I overreact? DCP denying water...

[mjs64]

Help me think this through. Open to all opinions here--not just looking for an affirmation of what I did. And sorry, a bit long.

The story:
My 18mo old DS attends a large daycare center associated with a university that we are happy with in general. I like one of his teachers in particular, and she as well as a student assistant were managing DS's room earlier this week. The relationship we have with this teacher is particularly important as she will be "moving up" with DS's group to the toddler room at the start of the year. She is very warm and I trust her.

The day of the "incident" I arrived to pick up my son at 4pm. The children had just come in from outside--and it was a hot, hot day. Their cheeks were flushed. The teacher in charge, the one who I like, was changing a diaper, as the student assistant was passing out tiny cups of water. I entered the room but hung back--I wasn't meaning to watch over but really meant not to disturb the oh so delicate routine of passing out cups of water to 8 18 month olds (note: the center does not allow sippys/straw cups; they have taught, and I'm amazed by this, all of the kids how to handle a cup).

Anyhow, as I watched, my DS asked the assistant for more water. It was a clear request, accompanied by a sign for "more."

She said, "no [my] DS. You've already had 3 cups. That's more than anyone else."

I couldn't believe it. These were tiny Dixie cups, and anyhow, it's not like we're rationing drinking water for 18 month olds who've been out in 90 degree weather. I asked her whether he couldn't have more, and she reiterated that he'd had more than anyone else.

This was the student assistant. But the main teacher, the one in charge, said nothing. Not "he can have as much water as he wants" (which is obviously, and I checked, the policy. Nothing.

Once I got DS to the car I gave him a cup of water, and he drank and drank and drank. Poor baby!

The next morning, I told the primary teacher (the student assistant was not present) that I needed to talk to her. She knew what it was about, clearly. I'm not an assertive or confrontational person at all, so it was hard for me to say that I wasn't happy about what had happened the day before and that if my son asked for water, he needed to get it. She said okay.

But then I sat with it all day, worried what would happen if said teacher was on a break, what was happening in other rooms...so when I returned to pick up my son, I asked to speak to the director. I asked to file a written report, have it sent to the primary director (who is on vacation) and asked about follow up action. They asked of course who the teacher in charge was, and I had to tell them. They asked if she overheard, and I had to say yes.

So at this point, I've addressed it with the teacher, then gone over her head. So I go tell the teacher what I've done--to let her know so she wasn't surprised, to apologize, to tell her how important she was in our son's life...and she's clearly upset. And I'm upset. I care for this woman. I trusted her. And I'm worried I've gotten her into trouble. But the fact that she didn't say anything to the student assistant made me not believe that she'd say anything in the future. And now I've gone and royally screwed up both the situation and the relationship, I worry. Oh dear.

Not sure if I did the right thing at all here. Concerned for this poor, likely low paid yet hardworking woman who cares for my child, concerned for my poor baby, concerned for the other children at the center...

Ugh. I just feel sick about this. Overreacting, yes?

[elizabethkott]

Overreacting? No. No one - NO ONE should be told they cannot have more water if it is a hot day! and as the supervising teacher, she should have corrected the student.
End. Of. Story.
As for your relationship with this woman, you advocated for your child. Again, end. Of. Story.

[twowhat?]

Not overreacting. In this heat (and ANYTIME), children should have access to AS MUCH WATER AS THEY WANT TO DRINK. I would be upset too. It reminds me of grade school, when the teacher would stand by the water fountain and count to 3 and that's as much water as you'd get, and you weren't allowed to keep a water bottle at your desk.

Limiting water is ridiculous. You are SO not overreacting.

[wendmatt]

YOu poor thing, no you are not overreacting. Water is not going to hurt him, juice I can see saying no to but not water. And feeling upset for rocking the boat is natural, but you did the right thing. Big hugs, I'm sure it will blow over.

[queenmama]

I'm in your corner and furious on his behalf. It is too dang hot to be denied water.

[DrSally]

Ita that children should have as much water as they want. How upsetting.

[ett]

YOu poor thing, no you are not overreacting. Water is not going to hurt him, juice I can see saying no to but not water. And feeling upset for rocking the boat is natural, but you did the right thing. Big hugs, I'm sure it will blow over.

It wasn't like he was asking for more candy; it's just water! He should be able to have as much as he wants, especially on a hot day.

[Snow mom]

Was she saying no for the moment while she deals with other kiddos (who had had less) or was she saying no that's it? I guess I would interpret what you heard as her saying you've had three cups and others haven't but we'll get you more in time. I don't know that I think this system of insisting on dixie cups is that good if my interpretation in correct. Our university daycare provided sippy cups for use outside at that age and used open cups at meals. In the 2 year old classroom they asked us to provide a water bottle that was accessible to kids when outside and that they wash nightly in their industrial dishwasher.

[mjs64]

Was she saying no for the moment while she deals with other kiddos (who had had less) or was she saying no that's it? I guess I would interpret what you heard as her saying you've had three cups and others haven't but we'll get you more in time. I don't know that I think this system of insisting on dixie cups is that good if my interpretation in correct. Our university daycare provided sippy cups for use outside at that age and used open cups at meals. In the 2 year old classroom they asked us to provide a water bottle that was accessible to kids when outside and that they wash nightly in their industrial dishwasher.

Oh, she definitely was saying "no that's it" and putting the Brita pitcher back in the fridge. None of the others were requesting more water. I agree that the no sippy cup policy is problematic. From the start, it had me worried that DS wouldn't get enough to drink, as I know that it's trying to refill just one tiny cup over and over again, let alone 8! And here's some backing to show it. The director told me that the student assistant just didn't know the policy...but now I'm worried that maybe this is pretty standard practice if the teacher didn't disagree. I mean, I was right there, so the student clearly didn't think she was violating a rule. This is part of why I wanted to write it up--to make sure it wasn't a "structural" problem. Oh no.

Thanks for the replies so far. And yeah, I was, in my mind advocating for my son. It's hard.

[JustMe]

I read your subject line and without reading anything else (yet) knew the answer was no, of course you did not overreact. Children/People should not be denied water! And of course her reasons are ludicrous!

I know how you feel. I had experiences like this when my dd was younger. The relationship we have with those who care for our children is so delicate and the people in those jobs ususally get paid so little and feel undervalued anyway...but you had to do what you did. Unfortunately, I think it was one of those situations when there was no perfect thing for you to do. I would definitely continue to talk to the director and be very polite and reasonable with the teachers.