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  1. #1
    jgenie is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    East Coast

    Default Donations in lieu of flowers - loss mentioned

    I've never had someone I know request this. What are the specifics with honoring this request? Do I send a sympathy card and check made payable to the charity to the family? Do I send a sympathy card and check made payable to the charity directly? Do I send the sympathy card to the family and the check to the charity? These are friends of a friend and I don't know when I will see them again. They lost a young child - will there be suitable sympathy cards at a card store or should I write a note on stationery? TIA
    Last edited by jgenie; 10-03-2012 at 08:15 PM.
    for Carmen

  2. #2
    wellyes's Avatar
    wellyes is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Dec 2007


    Sympathy card to family, check to charity noting it is in the name of the deceased.
    DD - 8
    DS - 5

  3. #3
    kristenk is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Nov 1999


    I would send a sympathy card to the family and a check directly to the charity. When my father died, we specified a charity. They sent us info on who had donated (but not how much, in case anyone was wondering!). We received a lot of sympathy cards at the house, though.

  4. #4
    Zansu is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Tucson, AZ.


    If you donate online, many charities will send a real card or an e-card to the family.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Orange County, CA


    I have donated to St. Jude in my sister's name (though she is still alive--I do it as a gift to her--long story), and they send her an email saying that I have made a donation, but not the amount.

    When my mom died, we got cards from people who mentioned they had made a donation to XYZ charity (but not the amount).

    So I say send the donation directly to the charity, and include a mention of it in the card that you send. Either a store-bought or a handwritten card will be appropriate.
    DS '04 "Boogaboo"
    DD '08 "Lilybear"

  6. #6
    reneed is offline Silver level (200+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Providence, RI


    Many times they will have the donation envelopes from the charity at the funeral home. We did this for my grandfather and we received a card from the charity for each person that donated but it didn't mention amount which I thought was nice. It was for Hospice BTW

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    If you mail a check to the charity, include a note indicating who the donation is in memory of, and they should send a letter to the family and let them know that a donation has been made in their child's memory.
    We got several letters like that after our first baby died.
    Benjamin 3/5/09

    Miles 8/10

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2011


    They lost a young child - will there be suitable sympathy cards at a card store or should I write a note on stationery? TIA

    What everyone else said, and yes, I think most card places have cards for the loss of a child.

    From my personal experience, keeping it very simple is best. Even though I know people meant well, trying to make it seem better with the "you have an angel now" and "she's in a better place" like comments were like a slap to the face especially the first few weeks. It sucks. There are no words like that to fix it or make it seem better. Sticking with how sorry you are for their loss, and if you knew the child, how wonderful they were, are better than "trying to fix it/ make it seem better". Only writing a little or just signing your names to a simple card are enough. Even just sending a card means a lot.

    Mom to
    DD- 9/09-9/09
    DS- 4/2011
    DS2- 10/2012
    DS3- 08/2015

  9. #9
    Cam&Clay is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Northern VA


    My father passed away about a month ago. We asked for donations to the local SPCA in lieu of flowers. I have received emails from the SPCA telling me who donated.
    DS1 age 18 years
    DS2 age 9 years

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