Stachio is 3 yo. He's always been a mama's boy. I'm not really sure if it is because I BF'd him until 13 mos, because Mommy always avoids the same foods he has to (he allergic to dairy - so I've avoided due to nursing he and Peanut), or if it is just in his nature. It isn't because DH isn't involved. As a matter of fact, DH gets the kids ready every single morning and takes them to the sitters. He makes dinner every night and we generally do family dinners most nights, and we definitely split bedtime duties 50/50. The only real difference is that DH is routinely gone 1-2 nights a week and has been on several 4-8 day business trips. I'm usually home in the evening (I go to yoga 1-2x/mo and I've had play rehearsal 3-5x/week for the last 6 weeks).
I remember the pediatrician saying that when #2 came along Stachio would likely switch to being a daddy's boy because mama always had to deal with the baby. Well that never happened.
Where I need the advice is in figuring out Stachio's behavior when I'm around vs being just with Dad or both Dad & mom around. This is independent of me being in the play...this behavior has been becoming more and more frequent over the last 3 mo.
So basically, when DH is the only parent home with the boys, Stachio generally listens and does as he's told/expected of him. Of course some days are not perfect...but he acts like a typical 3 yo.
The minute I arrive home from work, Stachio won't listen to daddy, says he only wants me to do things with him (wash hands, take shoes off, get his dinner, pick up toys, etc) and yet he won't behave and listen to me. It used to be he'd ask for me, but then actually listen to me. For a while he was only this way when DH and I were both around, but now it is turning into him not listening when I'm the only parent home, too. Both are a problem.
Furthermore, he's insisting on me helping him eat, brush his teeth, pull his pants down, take his shoes off, etc. All things he is perfectly capable of doing on his own.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to do the "little helper" role with him (which DH says works like a charm) but he just doesn't do it. I've tried talking on his level - physically so that I can look him in the eye, I've tried cajoling, we've tried Daddy only responding, we've tried mommy only responding, I feel like I've tried everything...but this is just getting worse. Which is bad because my patience is worn and I REALLY have to work to keep from yelling...lately, I've failed far too often.
Why is this child - who says he wants me to do things with him, not willing to do things when I'm able to help him? Why is he insisting on me doing everything for him, when he doesn't do that with DH?
I WOTH and have a long commute. I used to do evening pick up, but our new babysitter just walks the kids over since she lives so close. Is this a response to our time together? We try to make it so he and I have at least an hour or two just the two of us every week...but even then he gets stubborn and we end up spending too much of our time together in time-out, or just plain not listening.
I love him dearly...and I don't want his memories of mom to be her being frustrated and yelling...but I just don't know what else to do. How do I break this crazy mama's boy/not listening to mom train that we've managed to get on??
Sorry if this is confusing...and would love to hear all of you're wise words.
Oh...Ironic....at this time last year I was on Maternity leave and I was with the kids every day...I had NO where near this much trouble keeping Stachio in check...DH was the one struggling. Is is just the age???