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  1. #11
    Melaine's Avatar
    Melaine is online now Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by brittone2 View Post


    And sometimes I think getting wrapped up in whether or not is a lie, etc. ends up distracting from whatever the first issue was. So sometimes I go back and revisit why we have X rule, because getting caught up in did they lie, didn't they lie, trying to make them confess, etc. seems to just distract from the initial issue at hand, which is IMO often more important.
    good point. in this case, lying really was the issue I was more concerned about...the whole thing just went really badly. I think I will be able to handle it better next time.
    homeschooling mama to my eight year old twin girls
    and my rambunctious toddler boy

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  2. #12
    sste is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    No advice, just wanted to note that child lying is so visceral for me. I logically know that there is magical thinking, punishment avoidance, etc, etc. But it so disconcerting - - in particular when they lie well!! I start imagining future wall street fraud, cheating on their SATs etc and I feel my blood pressure rising. It feels like a slap in the face to my top priority for my kids' development. It is an emotional issue for many adults, especially when they have emphasized values education. Even though we know rationally it is a normal part of childhood.
    ds 2007
    dd 2010
    baby dd 2014

  3. #13
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I get what ya'll are saying, but...not to be rude (and I AM looking for advice)....I don't think you guys quite get the twin dynamic. I have done all I can to prevent tattling, discourage tattling, and I do not punish for offenses that can't be proven. I have definitely NOT set up a dynamic like this...with twins it is hard to fight it though. This situation completely took off before I had a chance to even speak. They were pretty much at each others throats before I hit the living room rug. It was not pretty.

    But your point is a valid one, definitely and that's exactly what DH said when he came home too. And he did get DD1 to confess that she had lied and had told DD2 that she would hit her if she told.
    I understand. I do think the twin dynamic makes a difference. I wish someone would write a "Siblings Without Rivalry " twin version.

  4. #14
    twowhat? is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Yeah any kind of discipline with twins is a special challenge. If it's something minor, I say "you will have to work it out with your sister because I didn't see it". By taking me, the parent, completely out of the equation, they often surprise me and do work it out themselves because between the two of them, they know who is lying and who isn't, LOL.

    If it's something more major, I still do the "I didn't see it happen" but I make them both participate in the solution. If someone is crying because the other snatched a toy away or whatever (and I make my best guess as to what happened), I lay down the toys and we talk about our rules for sharing. Then I simply say "We have to take turns. DD1, you go first..." But I get that this is hard when they're both crying and screaming at each other...

    If I do see it happen, I also don't get into the "are you telling the truth" with them. I simply say (for example): "You hit your sister. Was that the right thing to do?" and then we talk about what should've been done.

    Good luck...it's so hard just even grasping to get control of a situation with twins! And they know each other so well that there's an extra level of slyness when it comes to their fighting strategies.
    Last edited by twowhat?; 11-30-2012 at 03:19 PM.
    6-year-old twin girls

  5. #15
    Melaine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fivi2 View Post
    I understand. I do think the twin dynamic makes a difference. I wish someone would write a "Siblings Without Rivalry " twin version.
    I think we should do it....all the twin moms from the BBB. I'm serious actually, and have been thinking about (I love writing). Maybe an ebook.
    homeschooling mama to my eight year old twin girls
    and my rambunctious toddler boy

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  6. #16
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I think we should do it....all the twin moms from the BBB. I'm serious actually, and have been thinking about (I love writing). Maybe an ebook.
    I 'm in. But then I would have to pretend I knew the answers. I do think that is a niche waiting to be filled. There were a lot of books for infant (and prenatal) twins, but I haven't seen much as they grow. And I think a lot of issues get trickier.

  7. #17
    twowhat? is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by fivi2 View Post
    I 'm in. But then I would have to pretend I knew the answers. I do think that is a niche waiting to be filled. There were a lot of books for infant (and prenatal) twins, but I haven't seen much as they grow. And I think a lot of issues get trickier.
    exactly. And I'm in too, seriously. I think it's more that there really are no right or wrong answers (apart from the obvious ones) but that you have to have an arsenal of strategies up your sleeve.

    And yeah...DREADING the pre-teen/teenage years! That could be very, very ugly with girls
    6-year-old twin girls

  8. #18
    Melaine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fivi2 View Post
    I 'm in. But then I would have to pretend I knew the answers. I do think that is a niche waiting to be filled. There were a lot of books for infant (and prenatal) twins, but I haven't seen much as they grow. And I think a lot of issues get trickier.
    True...maybe we should get through the teens first. Definitely a niche to be filled though.
    homeschooling mama to my eight year old twin girls
    and my rambunctious toddler boy

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  9. #19
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    True...maybe we should get through the teens first. Definitely a niche to be filled though.
    A whole series... we 're done with preschool age. (Twowhat is almost done) so we can start there. We are entering school age years so we can do that. Then we 'll get to tween and teen later!


    Eta : and between the three of us we've covered day care, home schooling, public school, sah, woh, etc...
    Last edited by fivi2; 11-30-2012 at 04:19 PM.

  10. #20
    ArizonaGirl is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I don't have twins but I think you ladies ought to get together and write a book, there are books for almost every conceivable age, sibling dyanmic, etc but the options for twins is lacking (as they age).

    You guys could give your wisdom as well as the rest of the BBB's to some other new mama's.

    Lindsey

    Married to DH June 2005 gave birth to Shawn December 2008 and Lilian August 2012




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