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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    Default New nanny sends email quitting less than 24 hours before starting job- WWYD

    Our previous nanny left after almost 2 years for a full time job with health insurance. She gave us only 2 weeks but we found a new nanny through care.com. She had 5 references, all glowing and completely amazing. One of her references was her current boss, a pastor. She was his admin and also helped run their youth program with her husband, who is the church's youth pastor. We were so happy with our choice since we really wanted someone who held similar religious values. She emailed etc. several times since accepting the job about how thrilled she was to be working with us. The last I heard from her was Saturday when she emailed confirming her start time, which was today at 8 a.m. Well yesterday at 3 p.m. I received an email sent through care.com saying she was sorry but she decided to go in a different direction and no longer was accepting the job. I attempted to reply but she had closed her care.com account. I called her cell phone and left a very nice message asking her to give me a few minutes of her time to talk as her email was very perplexing in light of all of our conversations. Last night I emailed her personal email explaining how I was very upset that she accepted the job over 2 weeks ago and then did this. Our 3 year old was excited for her play date with her today. Now after losing her grand pop in September and her best friend/nanny a few weeks ago, the new nanny just isn't coming. So I doubt she will respond to my email. BUT I really want to call her references, specifically her current one, the pastor and let him know the woman of Christian character that he so highly recommended and who is responsible for running their youth program acted in such a dishonest manner. Is that highly inappropriate? Could it get me in trouble in anyway? This woman is college educated and 4 families raved her so I just don't understand how she can act this way nor feel it is fair to future families who may hire her and have this happen.

  2. #2
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I do think it is highly inappropriate (for you to contact anyone). Look, this is business. She found a better job and took it. Would it have been better for her to come and quit after one day? No. It's super disappointing but these things happen.

  3. #3
    mommy111 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I don't think its a big deal to call the pastor especially since he gave such glowing reviews for her...but I think its probably best she left now than in a week when your DCs would be more attached to her
    '...everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the Last of the Human Freedoms, the ability to choose one's behavior in any set of circumstances, the Freedom to Choose One's Own Way.' -Viktor Frankle

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  4. #4
    janine is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I must be a mean witch because I don't think it's a problem at all to call the pastor . It's part of the reason you hired her! I don't think I'd say "what kind of Christian character is this", but more along the lines of you highly recommended this person who then quit and disappeared putting me in a very bad posiiton, is this typical - just wanted to inform you,etc.

    It is a lousy move, and also a cowardly one to close her account and not even offer you the respect of a personal explanation - but I do agree better now than later. She at the very least would have been a very distracted nanny and at worst maybe not competent if this is how she conducts herself.
    I do not consider this just business get over it - or if it is it is very bad business and not appropriate. What will you do in the near term for childcare? Sorry this happened and I'd also let care.com know as well - although not sure they ave any role at all in terms of validating the people on their site.

  5. #5
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    What would you hope to accomplish by contacting the pastor? He knows she was looking for another job since you spoke with him and presumably knows she didn't take the job with you since she and her husband work with him. I don't think she was dishonest, she doesn't owe you an explanation.

    I can only imagine how frustrating this must be but you will probably never know what really happened. It sucks she bailed at the last minute, but try to look at it as it wasn't meant to be and start the search again.

    Good luck, I hope you find someone great quickly.
    DD1 Jan '10
    DD2 Jan '12

  6. #6
    LMPC is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I do think it is highly inappropriate (for you to contact anyone). Look, this is business. She found a better job and took it. Would it have been better for her to come and quit after one day? No. It's super disappointing but these things happen.
    IMHO your emotions are ruling your reaction right now. This totally sucks, but I think contacting people would not be right.
    Mommy to a total chatterbox
    DD now tells me she prefers to be known as a
    DD 10/08

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    I do think it is highly inappropriate (for you to contact anyone). Look, this is business. She found a better job and took it. Would it have been better for her to come and quit after one day? No. It's super disappointing but these things happen.
    VERY well said!
    Mama to Bumbee. A VERY busy girl...
    Making me a VERY Mama.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by babygirl1029 View Post
    BUT I really want to call her references, specifically her current one, the pastor and let him know the woman of Christian character that he so highly recommended and who is responsible for running their youth program acted in such a dishonest manner.
    I can understand why you are so upset, and agree that it's a very unfortunate situation, but I'm having a hard time seeing what was dishonest about it. My guess is that if you called the pastor he would ask her about it, and she would tell him that she had a change of heart or whatever, and it wouldn't really impact his opinion of her.
    Green Tea, mom to three

  9. #9
    redhookmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Anger is nothing more than a strategy for finding happiness in the midst of a challenging world, but it’s not a very effective strategy. I would focus on something positive.
    Molly
    pack of kids ranging from age 1 to age 13

  10. #10
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    wellyes is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I'm sorry you had such a disappointment.
    No way would I start calling and badmouthing her to anyone.
    DD - 8
    DS - 5

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