GATE...to go or not to go?

[baymom]

DS has been identified for the GATE program in our district and has the opportunity to transfer schools next year (he would be in 4th grade) to attend a full day special program. It seems like something DH and I should be excited/pleased about and although we definitely are, now that we are facing this decision, it feels very complicated. I'd love to hear some feedback, BTDT stories and BBB wisdom to help us out.

Just as a bit of background, DD is in 1st grade this year and does not have the option to transfer to the GATE school, as other than the one GATE class, it is a language immersion school and she would be too far behind her peers to enter as a 2nd grader. So, we'd have two kids at two different schools. To further complicate it, our current school is on a traditional calendar and the GATE school is on the year around calendar (though still in our district). AND, since we were accepted as transfer students to our current school (which we LOVE), it isn't in our neighborhood and is about an 8 mile drive on the freeway from our home. The GATE school is 6 miles away on another freeway and in the other direction.

Also, my personal life plan for myself has been to be a SAHM until DD was in 1st grade and in full day school (well, until 2:30pm, at least) to go back to work. I've been looking for part time work since school started in September and have come to terms with the fact that there really isn't anything in my field and that I have to go full time to find something interesting. I've interviewed and have a good feeling about a company that is further away than I was initially willing to commute. This was before we got the letter about GATE. I certainly don't have an offer yet and don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but IF I get an offer, it would make logistics very difficult.

On the other hand, I don't want to short change DS of any educational oppertunities. Every teacher he has ever had since preschool has told us he is gifted and I know that he would have much to gain from being in a class with all other gifted kids and a teacher specially trained for it. He is really a *different* kid and besides being educationally challenged, I think he would be much happier socially. He LOVES his current school and isn't keen on leaving his friends, but I think that it's really a matter of being worried about change. He makes friends easily and would probably find a group at his new school soon--plus, ALL the kids would be new there, so it wouldn't be like he's the ONE new kid. Plus, in some ways, he's a difficult child to parent and I think DH and I would have more support at the new school. I was in GATE myself (as was my brother) when I was growing up, but can't really think of how my school experience was different than it might have been had my parents not put me into that school.

I think that if he moved schools, I'd have to keep looking for a part time position and wait until something comes up and actually get the position, but who knows how long that might take? On the other hand, it's not like I have a job waiting for me right now, anyway. But, it will be much easier to find a full time position than a part time one. Maybe just wait until I find something closer to home that is flexible? But, I've been out of the workforce for 8 years now and am probably not anyone's top candidate to hire because of lack of recent experience. I don't *have* to go back to work, but I would really like to. I'm worried about the logistics of drop-off/pick-up of two kids in two opposite directions. DH has a flexible job, but does travel about once a month and also has some hard dates that he can't help with drop-off/pick-up.

I'm sorry this is such a long post--thank you for reading, if you made it this far! We just found out two days ago and will take the tour of the new school in 3 weeks and have to make a decision by the end of the month. It all feels so fast to make such a major decision. What to do?

[Momof3Labs]

Our district starts a GATE program in third grade. DS1 is in his third year of the program, and it has been an amazing experience for him. Not only is he challenged, but he is definitely better understood by both his teachers and his peers.

Have you considered putting one or both kids in a before and/or after school program? Either one at the school itself, or using a center that picks the kids up at school and takes them to the center. That would give you so much more flexibility in scheduling work, drop-offs and pick-ups. You can probably find a before-school program, too. You'd still have to run around before and after work, but you'd have a much larger window of opportunity.

[kristac]

Is there any sort of GATE program at the current school? At our school TD(GATE) kids are clustered together and do have additional enrichment through a TD teacher and their homeroom teacher. We also have the option of a full day TD magnet which we are pondering as well.


Have you toured the GATE school? Is there another option for your DD that would be more convenient to home or the GATE school? What are the middle school options for your current school vs the GATE school?

It is so hard to do what is best for one child and still do what is best for the rest of the family.

[wellyes]

Do you have any interest in the language immersion program at all? Surely they must accept some transfers after 1st grade.

[alexsmommy]

Surely they must accept some transfers after 1st grade.

Ours won't unless a child transfers in who speaks the language already. By 2nd grade her DD really would be very far behind, especially if it's a full immersion class. Even in partial immersion it would be a very difficult transfer.

OP - I like momof3labs idea of looking for an after school program that both kids could attend. If you can find one that would then you buy yourself a little more flexibility. If everyone has been telling you your DS is gifted since you can remember, I'd probably try to make it work.

[jenmcadams]

I saw your post earlier and wanted to reply because we went through this with our family a few years ago. My DS was in K in our wonderful neighborhood school where my DD had attended since K (she was in 3rd at the time). He entered K as a pretty advanced reader and the school was working hard to accomodate him (went to the highest reading group in 2nd grade for reading 2-3x per week and spent 2 hours a week doing enrichment activities with the librarian, so basically didn't spend much time in his K class during their language arts block). We weren't entirely sure whether he was just a precocious reader or whether he might need enrichment across the board, so we went through our district's GT testing in January of K (they test all second graders, but if the teacher recommends or parents request, students can test as early as K). He ended up testing 99%+ across the board and was offered a place in one of our district's center based programs for 1st grade (basically these programs have one stand alone GT classroom at every grade co-located and somewhat integrated with a neighborhood school).

The placement we were offered was only a 10 minute drive from our neighborhood at a school where we knew a bunch of families from the community/sports. We were lucky that the start times were such that we could drop my DD at 7:45 (7:55 start time) and get my DS to school by 8:00 (8:10 start time). It was still a tough decision though - having kids at two schools meant two PTAs, two sets of events/fundraisers, two sets of families/friends. We also wondered if we had done our older DD a disservice by not having her test in K (she had tested into the GT program in 2nd grade and was getting some services in her "GT areas" which were primarily math, but we hadn't switched her because the program is 1-2 years accelerated and it's difficult to start beyond 2nd - 3rd grade). Ultimately, we made the decision to have her stay at our neighborhood school for 4th grade and on and to have our DS switch to the GT center. We considered switching our DD to the gen ed at the new school (the new school had some amazing programs and was probably more creative than our neighborhood school even in their non-GT classrooms and she actually had great friends already at the new school), but ultimately decided that we were really excited about her teacher options for 4th-6th grade at our current school and she had an amazing group of friends and a super highly academic peer group in her grade at the current school, so we felt like she was being challenged pretty well already. For our DS, some of the factors were we wanted him to have academic peers and he only had 1-2 in his grade at his current school, we wanted him to have access to the more creative/accelerated curriculum, we loved the ideas of teachers who were trained to work with GT kids and ultimately we felt like it was the best fit for him.

Now that we're in our second year of kids at two schools, I can honestly say we have no regrets. For my DS, the program has been great and even though he fit in fine socially at his old school, he fits in even better at the new school and seems to have really found his people. For my DD, we knew there was a chance she could have a teacher she'd had in 2nd grade again this year in 5th grade who is one of those once in a lifetime type teachers and it happened She's changing and growing so much this year and we're so happy we didn't have to uproot her. Having made what we felt was the right decision at the time for our DS has made us realize that if it's feasible for you to make the right choices for each kid, it can be amazing. It's actually opened us up to looking at other options (private) for my DD for middle school (which will lead to more challenges schedule-, involvement-, and money-wise) because we feel like we can handle it and have seen what we have to plan for.

If you do end up switching, I think you have to set yourself up for the fact that some things will have to give. I split my volunteer time between the two schools and I'm much less involved at the PTA/School level at DS's school (I volunteer in the classroom, but went to my first PTA meeting only after 15 months at the school). We don't do every extra activity (e.g. DS skipped the science fair this year and I haven't made it to my DDs class parties this year for the first time ever).

Finally, if you decide not to switch, it will be OK You sound like a great parent who cares and is involved and if you're there advocating for your DS to get the enrichment he needs, he's going to be fine. A friend of mine with two kids in college is fond of reminding me that as long as you're involved and your kids are reasonably happy/safe, they're going to learn and they'll probably end up at the same place in life no matter where they went to elementary school.

Good luck!

[baymom]

Thanks for your comments. So, the immersion is for Mandarin and DH and I aren't particularly excited for DD to start there as a 2nd grader. There isn't any sort of pull-out program at our school for GATE kids. However, there IS a third school where they have a one day a week pull-out program for GATE. We could consider sending both kids there, but it really isn't great school in general so we are reluctant to do so. It would feel like short-changing DD for the benefit of her brother...who also wouldn't have the benefit of a full time GATE education.

I think in my heart of hearts, I feel like the right thing to do is keep DD at her current (excellent) school and have DS transfer to the full day GATE school. If I stay home, we could manage with one parent dropping off one kid each morning and since the pick-up times are slightly staggered, it should be manageable. On the days that DH is traveling or otherwise unable to help, I'd just have to drop one child off a bit early or deal with some tardys from time to time. I can't bear to think that I'm not giving them every educational opportunity that I can and think I may regret it later if we don't go for this. DS scored in the 98 or 99th percentile for each section of the test and I *know* would really benefit from a full day GATE class--no matter how amazing his current school is. DH, on the other hand, thinks that we should keep them both at their current school....so it feels harder to make this decision.

Part of me also mourns the delay of getting back into the workforce. I already feel so overwhelmed by the idea of it and what a big transition it will be for our family--two kids in two schools with two schedules just makes it feel more daunting. Not only do I need to find a job now, I have to find one that is willing to be flexible about hours, ect and closer to home. Maybe not, maybe it's all in my mind, but I can't even begin to imagine how all you WOTH Moms manage day to day life! But, as my DH tells me, 'people manage and so will we." I feel a bit sad about the kids potentially having to stay in after-care until 6pm...it feels like such a long day for such little people. I'll come back to you all for advice on how to best make the transition when I do finally get a job, I'm sure!

Anyone NOT send their eligible child to a GATE program and feel like you made the right decision? Are most of you happy with your child's GATE experience? There is a tour of the program that I signed DH and I up for, but it's only two days before we have to commit to our final decision, so I feel like we need to really know which way we are leaning before the tour. Unless it really goes very badly or very well, the tour shouldn't sway us *too* much. What are some questions I should ask there?

[jenmcadams]

What are the middle school options for your current school vs the GATE school?

I know I just wrote a novel of a post, but I also wanted to echo the middle school/path from the GATE program issue.

For us, another consideration for sending our DS to the GT Center program was that only students from our GT Center programs are guaranteed spots in our Middle School GT Centers. Other students are admitted at middle school, but they have to re-test (which is another issue for me b/c I think all the students should be re-tested before middle school) for the remaining spots. We're currently looking at private for my DD for middle school b/c our home middle school is not a good fit, the lottery schools only have a 20-30% admit rate, and while she has a GT designation, I'm not sure she'll test high enough to get one of the remaining spots at the GT Center programs. We may end up sending DS to private Middle School if we send DD, but it's nice to know he has a guaranteed spot at a program we like if we end up needing it.

[baymom]

I saw your post earlier and wanted to reply because we went through this with our family a few years ago. My DS was in K in our wonderful neighborhood school where my DD had attended since K (she was in 3rd at the time). He entered K as a pretty advanced reader and the school was working hard to accomodate him (went to the highest reading group in 2nd grade for reading 2-3x per week and spent 2 hours a week doing enrichment activities with the librarian, so basically didn't spend much time in his K class during their language arts block). We weren't entirely sure whether he was just a precocious reader or whether he might need enrichment across the board, so we went through our district's GT testing in January of K (they test all second graders, but if the teacher recommends or parents request, students can test as early as K). He ended up testing 99%+ across the board and was offered a place in one of our district's center based programs for 1st grade (basically these programs have one stand alone GT classroom at every grade co-located and somewhat integrated with a neighborhood school).

The placement we were offered was only a 10 minute drive from our neighborhood at a school where we knew a bunch of families from the community/sports. We were lucky that the start times were such that we could drop my DD at 7:45 (7:55 start time) and get my DS to school by 8:00 (8:10 start time). It was still a tough decision though - having kids at two schools meant two PTAs, two sets of events/fundraisers, two sets of families/friends. We also wondered if we had done our older DD a disservice by not having her test in K (she had tested into the GT program in 2nd grade and was getting some services in her "GT areas" which were primarily math, but we hadn't switched her because the program is 1-2 years accelerated and it's difficult to start beyond 2nd - 3rd grade). Ultimately, we made the decision to have her stay at our neighborhood school for 4th grade and on and to have our DS switch to the GT center. We considered switching our DD to the gen ed at the new school (the new school had some amazing programs and was probably more creative than our neighborhood school even in their non-GT classrooms and she actually had great friends already at the new school), but ultimately decided that we were really excited about her teacher options for 4th-6th grade at our current school and she had an amazing group of friends and a super highly academic peer group in her grade at the current school, so we felt like she was being challenged pretty well already. For our DS, some of the factors were we wanted him to have academic peers and he only had 1-2 in his grade at his current school, we wanted him to have access to the more creative/accelerated curriculum, we loved the ideas of teachers who were trained to work with GT kids and ultimately we felt like it was the best fit for him.

Now that we're in our second year of kids at two schools, I can honestly say we have no regrets. For my DS, the program has been great and even though he fit in fine socially at his old school, he fits in even better at the new school and seems to have really found his people. For my DD, we knew there was a chance she could have a teacher she'd had in 2nd grade again this year in 5th grade who is one of those once in a lifetime type teachers and it happened She's changing and growing so much this year and we're so happy we didn't have to uproot her. Having made what we felt was the right decision at the time for our DS has made us realize that if it's feasible for you to make the right choices for each kid, it can be amazing. It's actually opened us up to looking at other options (private) for my DD for middle school (which will lead to more challenges schedule-, involvement-, and money-wise) because we feel like we can handle it and have seen what we have to plan for.

If you do end up switching, I think you have to set yourself up for the fact that some things will have to give. I split my volunteer time between the two schools and I'm much less involved at the PTA/School level at DS's school (I volunteer in the classroom, but went to my first PTA meeting only after 15 months at the school). We don't do every extra activity (e.g. DS skipped the science fair this year and I haven't made it to my DDs class parties this year for the first time ever).

Finally, if you decide not to switch, it will be OK You sound like a great parent who cares and is involved and if you're there advocating for your DS to get the enrichment he needs, he's going to be fine. A friend of mine with two kids in college is fond of reminding me that as long as you're involved and your kids are reasonably happy/safe, they're going to learn and they'll probably end up at the same place in life no matter where they went to elementary school.

Good luck!

Jenmcadams--thank you so much for this really thoughtful and detailed post...it is so nice to read about your experience. It feels like so much of my story now and it's wonderful to hear how well both your kids are thriving at their respective schools. I'm hoping my kids will have a similar experience. I'm leaning towards sending DS to the GATE school and will have to convince DH. You touched on another aspect that gives me pause. Right now, I'm on the PTA Exec Board, plus am in each of their classes once a week, go to most parties, field trips and teach Art in Action. I love this level of involvement at their school and know it won't be possible with two schools...but you are right, it's okay. It feels like such a loss to me, to not give that much time to each school, but it true that it's not the end of the world. Can I ask if you also work outside the home?

[baymom]

I know I just wrote a novel of a post, but I also wanted to echo the middle school/path from the GATE program issue.

For us, another consideration for sending our DS to the GT Center program was that only students from our GT Center programs are guaranteed spots in our Middle School GT Centers. Other students are admitted at middle school, but they have to re-test (which is another issue for me b/c I think all the students should be re-tested before middle school) for the remaining spots. We're currently looking at private for my DD for middle school b/c our home middle school is not a good fit, the lottery schools only have a 20-30% admit rate, and while she has a GT designation, I'm not sure she'll test high enough to get one of the remaining spots at the GT Center programs. We may end up sending DS to private Middle School if we send DD, but it's nice to know he has a guaranteed spot at a program we like if we end up needing it.

So, our middle school system is very similar to yours. But, we are actually planning to move out of the area to be closer to family in two years, so it might not matter anyway. Still, it could be an issue of both kids going to separate middle schools in our new school district when the time comes. I think we'll just have to worry about that then, though.