New nanny sends email quitting less than 24 hours before starting job- WWYD

[sste]

Of course not. But it still happens. I've lost out on my top pick for hiring admins and assistants several times, once while not 12 hours prior, was when we were expecting them on Monday for paperwork. When you are paying someone very little money, especially for a part time job, it's a given they will move on pretty much anytime they can for something better. And you move on. Getting to be thrilled in life or business is not a given. The jobs I was hiring for did have health insurance but I knew since all we could usually do was 24-32 hours, that we were at a competitive disadvantage to those offering 40 hours of the same $12/hr pay.

Well, as I understood it you were saying that childcare workers were being held to a higher standard because it was work in the home. If you weren't thrilled with that situation then why should nanny employers be fine when the same things happen to them? Especially as they now have no childcare and no other employees to hold down the "family office"?

In a variety of jobs, it is not a freak or unethical occurrence that bailing without notice would cause some reputational harm or get back to your recommenders. As I and others have mentioned we have personally experienced this in our professional work and in our contacts with nanny recommenders.


I think I, Txcat, and many others have distinguished between nanny versus babysitter and acknowledged the variety of arrangements and the differing standards of professionalism that might attach at different levels of home childcare arrangements. Also, I certainly agree feedback of this sort needs to be factual and not character-maligning or religious.

I am not sure it helps the financial situation of low-paid workers to hold them to a lower standard for notice, showing up for work, etc. Presumably, if the attitude and prevailing sentiment is "your nanny should and will bail at a moment's notice" then assuming the marketplace will bear that employers will price that into nanny salary and pay them less.

Last but not least, I am finding it hard to imagine this wonderful other job that would materialize on Sunday night with a job offer requiring her to start the following morning. It seems to me that if another job offer was in play she likely rec'd it earlier and that there might have been a few days or a week's flexibilty on start date so that she could at least offer the OP's family a few days of childcare while they nanny-search.

ETA: In other non-domestic job settings my husband and I have both had people who were ending their work, sometimes more suddenly or quickly than they had originally indicated, offer up some substitute people for us to interview or consider - - this would be for positions like research assistant, laboratory tech, etc. It is not a requirement but if you are quitting with 12 hours notice it is one way on a list of several that I mentioned to acknowledge the needs of the other party and try to lessen the impact on them. Plus, these people usually have friends that are looking so it helps their friends too. Any of those gestures including a mere "I am sorry about this" go a long way toward avoiding the bad reputation, calls to recommenders, etc. issue.

[squimp]

If I hired someone and they quit via email the day before they were supposed to show up, with no explanation, I would consider them a flake. Not sure why people are defending that and implying that it is justified because of low pay or benefits or education or gender. It is just plain rude and irresponsible to quit a job the day before without explanation. It is especially difficult when your job as the sole caregiver for children. Yep it's business but it is emotionally loaded. One huge difference is that at a fast food restaurant they just slow things down for a bit and are soon replaced or someone is called to fill in. As a nanny they royally screw the employer as PPs have clearly articulated. It took me a month to find a good nanny, I would be beyond upset if someone quit so unprofessionally the night before. So the fact that I would not be able to work for at least several weeks would leave me in a real bind.

[ellies mom]

I've had both a full-time and part-time nanny. And in all honesty, if you contacted me, especially with your original "make her pay" anger, I really wouldn't pay much attention. Because my reference is based on my experience with her as my employee, not essentially hearsay from someone else. I would probably say "I'm sorry it didn't work out", roll my eyes and carry on with my day. And if someone called in the future regarding her, I would give the same reference I gave before. I would not say something like "Well, I thought she was great, but I've heard other people had issues" because I don't really truly know what happened between you. Anything I could say would be based on your side of the story and I'm not going to bother hassling her to try and get to the bottom of it. It really isn't my place.

Yes, it sucks but essentially, you need to just let it go and move on.

[kijip]

I am not sure it helps the financial situation of low-paid workers to hold them to a lower standard for notice, showing up for work, etc. Presumably, if the attitude and prevailing sentiment is "your nanny should and will bail at a moment's notice" then assuming the marketplace will bear that employers will price that into nanny salary and pay them less.

Last but not least, I am finding it hard to imagine this wonderful other job that would materialize on Sunday night with a job offer requiring her to start the following morning. It seems to me that if another job offer was in play she likely rec'd it earlier and that there might have been a few days or a week's flexibilty on start date so that she could at least offer the OP's family a few days of childcare while they nanny-search.

It's not holding them to a lower standard. It's acknowledging that there is actually a difference day to day between workers at different ends of the wage spectrum. Life is not the same and the norms, trends and unwritten rules are different.

Nannies, especially PT ones hired informally, are already by and large paid significantly less than people who scrub toilets in houses as housecleaners. When I was getting ~$8.50 as a nanny (late 1990s), I was getting more than 3 times that for cleaning. The marketplace is as a result of low wages, undervaluing of people who care for children in general, and poor benefits subject to high turnover. It is wonderful when nannies are worth their weight in gold and truly go above and beyond and exhibit professionalism high above their pay grade. But just like in any other job field, not all are in the top 5% of awesomeness.

Backups are on the parent, not the nanny. I am sure every working parent family at some point has needed to run down a list of backups. Is it hard, inconvenient and stressful? Yes, but that is, at times, parenting for you.

[TxCat]

So I'm sexist because I think how the potential nanny (or glorified babyistter with no benefits, not hired through an agency - where I agree higher standards of "professionalism" apply) quit before ever working for a family wasn't ideal but wasn't the end of the world and worthy of recriminations and calls to references. I do have different standards and expectations for lawyers, residents, doctors, teachers and even true nannies hired with sick leave and benefits. You get what you pay for to some extent.

Where did the OP ever state that her nanny position didn't have benefits, sick leave, or other "professional" attributes?

[kijip]

Where did the OP ever state that her nanny position didn't have benefits, sick leave, or other "professional" attributes?

Well, she said the previous one left for FT and specifically healthcare benefits, right? I inferred from that that this job was not FT or with healthcare benefits. Specifically she said: "Our previous nanny left after almost 2 years for a full time job with health insurance."

[TxCat]

It seems like we have a Donald Rumsfeld situation here.

Known-knowns: 1) there was a "nanny" position, 2) prospective nanny candidate identified via care.com, 3) nanny candidate came with > 1 glowing reference, 4) nanny candidate and future employer corresponded multiple times prior to start date via personal email, phone, and in person, 5) nanny candidate gave notice that she "decided to go in a different direction" < 24 hrs prior to start date, and gave this notice only via her care.com account that was subsequently immediately deactivated.

Known-unknowns: 1) why the nanny decided to quit, 2) what kind of nanny position the OP was hiring for - full-time vs. part-time, 3) did the advertised nanny position come with benefits of any kind?, 4) was the nanny position hourly or salaried?, 5) was the nanny pay reasonable/competitive in that kind of market?, 6) did the nanny ever mention that she was also looking for alternate positions/schooling, etc.?

It seems like the answers to the known unknowns would influence many of our responses, and unfortunately it appears that assumptions on these factors, made for the sake of argument, have been subsequently and wrongly reiterated as fact - that the nanny left for a job with benefits, that this was a part-time job, that this job was an hourly position, that a nanny hired via care.com vs. an agency is less professional in some way or automatically falls into a category of less well-paid/no contract/no salary/no benefits, etc.

There also appears to be a class/socioeconomic bias to a lot of the responses and hypothetical arguments being made, which is probably a Captain Obvious statement at this point.

[sste]

Kjip, no one is saying it is the nanny's legal obligation to provide back-up childcare. I am saying that if the nanny or any employee wishes to protect their reputation from the risk someone will call a recommender or otherwise badmouth them, they should give more notice or in other ways attempt to mitigate the impact on the employer they are bailing on with less than a day's notice. That is a matter of common sense!

I also think there are many responsible parents with excellent coping skills that don't have a list they can run down that will provide 2-3 weeks of full-time childcare. There is a big difference between freelancing a few hours or working very part-time and having a dual demanding career household when it comes to arranging back-up child care for multiple weeks. There is also a big difference between families with relatives in the area and those without. And those lucky few whose employers have generous emergency child back up plans and the rest of us.

Also, I employ both a nanny and a housekeeper and the pay differential is due to a variety of factors you aren't mentioning: in many markets there are fewer housekeepers than nannies/babysitters (or family substitues for nannies), housekeepers have alot of travel time and gas costs that are uncompensated as they work for different families and often some equipment/supply costs all of which they price in, housekeepers are typically not rec'ing paid benefits, housekeepers often work shorter hours because the work is so physical whereas many nannies have an hour or two of downtime or more while kids are napping or at preschool. I don't think the pay differential is because everyone in american society values their shiny countertops over their kids!

I really don't see your argument coming down to anything other than the fact that you view nannies as low-paid workers and therefore you don't see it as a norm of their employment that they give reasonable notice, even when they are going to be the sole employee responsible for the childcare work. I don't think that gives nannies/women enough credit and I don't think it helps the pay, status, or respect accorded to them in society -- all problems you point to.

[TxCat]

Well, she said the previous one left for FT and specifically healthcare benefits, right? I inferred from that that this job was not FT or with healthcare benefits. Specifically she said: "Our previous nanny left after almost 2 years for a full time job with health insurance."

It's unclear to me from that statement if the nanny position was only FT without health benefits or not FT and also without health benefits. Also, it's unclear if that is still true with the current job being offered.

[kijip]

I think that most all of us can agree that by and large parents have depressingly and freaky few good options for affordable and accessible childcare. I wish it were different for all of us.