New nanny sends email quitting less than 24 hours before starting job- WWYD

[babygirl1029]

I guess I don't see the call as with malice--from my view at least, I know the OP is understandably very PO'd right now! If she had been hired through an agency none of you would flinch at the OP calling the agency to give feedback. References serve the purpose of information and feedback and I think it is reasonable to inform a reference of your experiences. Particularly if you live in a small town or area, the reference might want to know these facts before putting their name behind the person again or they might want to alter their reference in some ways. Most references are going to write this off as an anomoly so I don't see it as career-ending for her. But I do see it as encouraging a functional system of information, vouching, and reputation - - which is what allows us to bypass paying thousands of dollars to agencies and pay childcare professionals more by hiring them directly.

To put this into context, I write or give 10-15 references per year, close to 200 across my career. I have absolutely rec'd feedback on people I have served as references for, both positive and negative, over the years. It is often in the form of informal conversation or emails but I have also received a call or two. :;

Just to clarify, if I called I would be doing it out of concern that this person's most recent employer gave her a glowing review yet in the end she left us in a lurch. As you noted, it would be to inform her reference. I do not want to bad mouth her. I would hate for another family to be left in this position because of her actions. I do not know why she reniged on the job so the OP that mention more money, family emergency...who knows. I think many make a good point that fueling my energy into something positive and finding a new nanny is what is needed right now. And that is what I have been doing today! I have one interview set up. As for contacting care.com, their website states they are not responsible for the actions of the members.

Anyway, thanks so much. Honestly, it has been so interesting to read everyone's responses!

[Green_Tea]

Just to clarify, if I called I would be doing it out of concern that this person's most recent employer gave her a glowing review yet in the end she left us in a lurch.

Honestly, what an employee does after they leave my employment is none of my business, and it is unethical to base a reference on information given by an outside source. Her most recent employer gave her a great review based on the work she did for him/her. What she did after she left his/her employment is irrelevant, and, frankly, should not impact future references. He/she should only speak about the firsthand experience he/she had with the job applicant. Under even the best of circumstances, I'd be pretty angry to learn that someone I trusted to list as a reference took it upon himself to comment about work I did (or didn't do) or interactions I had with another employer.

[mackmama]

I don't see anything wrong with letting her references know how she handled this situation. I wouldn't call her refs specifically to "bad-mouth" her, but imo there is nothing wrong with passing on factual information that might inform them about recommending her to someone else.

[jjjo1112]

I guess I don't see the problem with the nanny's behavior- maybe she had interviewed with a few families and one that was amazing offered her the job over the weekend. Maybe she deliberated all weekend and just couldn't pass up this offer. She is not contracted to work with you and can change her mind at anytime. Obviously the standard would have been to give 2 weeks notice but would you have preferred for her to come to work and give you 2 weeks notice right away? I would rather just know now then to have my child spend 2 weeks with someone that is leaving. I give out references for my past nanny/babysitters and I would think you were nuts if you called me about that sort of thing- it certainly wouldn't change my opinion of a nanny that was fabulous when they worked for me.

[daisysmom]

I think she closed the care.com account so you could not leave a negative reference. Nice. I would inform the references as an FYI that she accepted the job and reneged mere hours away from starting. If I were her reference, I would want to know and would be pretty embarrassed that I had recommended her. If she found a better job, she at least owed you the opportunity to match the terms and not act like a coward.

Agree. If I were a reference to someone who did this, I would want to know.

I have had bad luck with care.com with nannies and we once hired a nanny who also had glowing references who ended up being a real flake. I didn't call her references and tell the, when we fired her because I chalked it up to a relationship just nt working out. But op's situation was different IMO.

[daisysmom]

Honestly, what an employee does after they leave my employment is none of my business, and it is unethical to base a reference on information given by an outside source. Her most recent employer gave her a great review based on the work she did for him/her. What she did after she left his/her employment is irrelevant, and, frankly, should not impact future references. He/she should only speak about the firsthand experience he/she had with the job applicant. Under even the best of circumstances, I'd be pretty angry to learn that someone I trusted to list as a reference took it upon himself to comment about work I did (or didn't do) or interactions I had with another employer.

I think it depends what the reference really was. I had the impression (and I may have been wrong, it was just my impression) that the pastor knew her personally and was giving a reference on more than just her duties from a job with him, but more on her character, in the kind of person that she is. So I don't think it is unethical for the pastor to consider her current conduct at all.

[ett]

I guess I don't see the problem with the nanny's behavior- maybe she had interviewed with a few families and one that was amazing offered her the job over the weekend.

Having never been in a position of personally hiring a nanny, I'm basing my opinions on accepting a job offer with a company. When I accept a job offer with a company, I sign a contract, and it is in poor form to pull out of the contract to accept another better offer, especially in a narrow field where you rely on your connections for future jobs. I guess this is not the case with nannies.

If it is okay for the nanny to pull out of a permanent job less than 24 hours before her start date, what kind of guarantee do I have if I'm hiring a nanny that she will show up on the first day and not pull out at the last minute. Should I be lining up several others as backups?

I think it is just common courtesy if she had to pull out like this to offer a little more explanation than what she's given, especially since she was so excited about the job just days earlier.

[LizLemon]

Having never been in a position of personally hiring a nanny, I'm basing my opinions on accepting a job offer with a company. When I accept a job offer with a company, I sign a contract, and it is in poor form to pull out of the contract to accept another better offer, especially in a narrow field where you rely on your connections for future jobs. I guess this is not the case with nannies.

If it is okay for the nanny to pull out of a permanent job less than 24 hours before her start date, what kind of guarantee do I have if I'm hiring a nanny that she will show up on the first day and not pull out at the last minute. Should I be lining up several others as backups?

I think it is just common courtesy if she had to pull out like this to offer a little more explanation than what she's given, especially since she was so excited about the job just days earlier.

The nanny ostensibly had no contract here. If the OP wanted a more secure childcare situation she could (depending on the labor laws of her state) have signed the nanny to a contract that required notice when she left. However, this may have required a lot more obligations on the part of the OP. But not all jobs require contracts, so the nanny is free to leave, especially before she even started working.

There is no guarantee when hiring a nanny. Just like the nanny has no guarantee when she starts working for you - you tell could her after a week that you don't need her anymore and then she has no paycheck for her family. People hire these (primarily) women, often (but not always) for very little money, generally with no contracts or structure to protect nanny or employer, depending on the situation. Given that it seems a bit dicey to browbeat these people when they don't give enough notice for canceling or especially for not giving enough detail when they have to change situations.

[megs4413]

I think it depends what the reference really was. I had the impression (and I may have been wrong, it was just my impression) that the pastor knew her personally and was giving a reference on more than just her duties from a job with him, but more on her character, in the kind of person that she is. So I don't think it is unethical for the pastor to consider her current conduct at all.

I disagree. It would be totally unethical because it would be gossip. He has no firsthand knowledge of this...

Honestly, I see no reason to take this any further. She flaked. Move on.

ETA: the gossip thing is an issue because he is a PASTOR.

[magnoliaparadise]

Why don't you give it 2 weeks to see if she responds to your emails and offers further explanation. Perhaps there was a personal crisis and she cannot formulate how to explain that.

If two weeks elapse and you have not heard from her, I think it is perfectly acceptable to call her references to give them feedback on your experience, limiting your comments to the facts of what happened - - she committed, multiple emails, she cancelled mere hours before with no explanation, closed her account, and would not return your emails. I would not discuss her character or dishonesty since you never got to know her. Just the facts.

I agree with Sste (and Archivecci). I would wait awhile and then contemplate contacting the references - and at the very least, the pastor. I think that I would want to know, as a reference, that the person whom I was spending my time and energy on was behaving in the manner that you described. I also agree with another poster that Care.com should know because it affects their reputation, too, whether fair or not (and I agree that this must happen often enough that they have some policy in place to at least watch that candidate if she comes back to look for work again).

I agree with others that it should not be done out of malice, but just relaying the information. And then, I agree, it will be so good when you feel that you can move on.

I also agree with others that as suck-y as this is, you were lucky to find out as soon as you did.

Two personal stories:
1. I had a friend who was down and out on her luck for years. I orchestrated an interview for her between my father (who had his own business at the time and needed help) and her. She flaked out on him at the last minute (did not show up, did not give an excuse). He told me right away and was frustrated. Even with my father, whom I am very close, I was embarrassed that I put so much time and energy and pushed her onto him. I was glad that he told me.
2. I had a beloved nanny of 3 years who, when she left (I had to decrease my hours so out of love and respect for her, supported her to get a full time job) told me that she didn't like to keep in touch with past families. This came as a shock to me. She just stopped keeping in touch with us completely - did not even say goodbye, want anything from us (including a bonus check I was about to send - said she was changing her address and did not want to accept gifts or letters) and did not even respond to my daughter's call once (and one other time she did). She didn't return my calls and didn't accept my invitation to have a goodbye party for her (for her, my daughters, and me). She didn't want to share anything about her new job (which I understand, but it just felt so weird to be cut off like that). I had thought she would be a 'member' of my extended family. To this day, it hurts deeply that she acted like that when my children adore her and my oldest still talks about her. And I am letting it go. But if this had happened to any family before (which it has, according to what she told me when she was leaving), I would have been SO grateful for someone to tell me that in a reference. I would not have hired her because continuing a relationship with a past nanny is important to me. I didn't know to ask. So... I know this is not your story, but it just reminded me of the importance of references.